Of Dogs and Men
by Qk
Summary: Joey saves a puppy from being run over and winds up keeping the dog. But strange things are occuring now that this dog has arrived... And poor Joey and Kaiba are caught in the middle. AU, a bit of OOC. NOTHING TO DO WITH BOOK! Chaps Revised: 1 to 3
1. A Dog for the Dog

**Of Dogs and Men - (Now Revised)**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own YGO, and I doubt I ever will.

**D/N:** Yes, for my 'older' fans (Eriso: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHHAHA! Fans... ) ... you may be familiar with the story title. I'm rewriting it. Also, for those of you wondering about Diplomacy, NO, I obviously did not delete my incomplete 164 review story. It was gone when I logged on one day. Go figure. Everything good that I write always gets deleted before I finish. As a matter of fact, this story was the only one I actually managed to complete! Typical. So, anyways, I can't repost Diplomacy because I've only got, like, half the story. I've only got half the story because my computer is always being randomly attacked by viruses, and so I always just managed to post the chapter. I've never downloaded my chapters back because I never figured FANFICTION WOULD DELETE IT! ... But hey, quick summary of the ending: Everyone's sane again and Mr. Fred-Sir's dead. We're all happy. Anyways, here's the story! Oh, and freakishly lazy today, so unfortunately, poor Joey won't be having his adorable little accent that we all know and love. But it's there. (Eriso: -.-;;)

**OO- Note:** I've decided to take out any dialogue that was formerly in capitals and switch it to lowercase. I find writing as though my Caps Lock button is having a... capping spree is extraordinarily... hmm... pathetic and extreme. I think the words 'roared' preceded or followed by 'Joey' is enough to let you know that he's going for blood. **-OO**

**OooOOOooO**

"Take that back, Kaiba!" Joey snapped at the brunette CEO sitting before him, calmly alternating between reading a book and shooting insults over it at the already quite aggravated blonde before him. "I'm just as good as you are - any day!"

Kaiba sighed, and flipped the page. Without looking away from his book, he replied, "So I see." He paused for a moment, before adding, "You always seem awfully eager to get that point across, Wheeler. Something to prove?"

"_I'll_ give ya something to prove!" Joey roared, lunging for Kaiba's throat, but was practically tackled out of the air by Tristan, and who was then aided in restraining the enraged teen by Tea, Ryou and Yugi. "Lemme _go!_ He's askin' for it, _big-time!_"

Kaiba merely kept on reading, shaking his head slightly. "You know, mutt, you keep up that behaviour and you'll be forced to go to obedience school."

This was then quickly followed by some not-so-nice words of choice from Joey.

"Joey! Calm down!" Tea told him, desperately clinging to his shirt. Sure, she wasn't exactly fond of Kaiba either, but she really didn't want to be a witness to a murder. Most likely Joey's. "Don't give him the satisfaction of getting you all riled up!"

"Besides," Yugi added, "fighting never solved anything."

"No, but it's always made me feel better!" Joey managed to get out, even while gnawing on Tristan's arm in an attempt to break free.

"Joey! Stop it!" Tristan said, peeling his arm out of Joey's mouth. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"_I'm not finished with him yet!_" Joey snarled, beginning to flail and only just missing whacking Ryou in the head. His eyes continued to burn a hole into Kaiba's head, which was still directed towards his book. Unfortunately for him, it was only a figure of speech. "I've got a bone to pick with him!"

"Speaking of bones," Kaiba put in, "Don't you need to go dig one up or something instead of wasting my time? All you're doing is humiliating yourself, and I've got better things to do."

"Yeah," Joey cried out, breaking free of the gang's grasp and lunging at Kaiba once more. He made it a full foot before Ryou caught hold of his leg. "Like goin' t'see a doctor!"

Kaiba shook his head at him once more, standing up and closing his book. "I think I'll just leave you to foam at the mouth without me. I came to read my book in quiet, but since you don't seem to be willing to leave me in peace, I'll have to go elsewhere. Find someone else to yap at." He eyed Yugi, raising an eyebrow. "Good luck."

Managing to get Tristan's hand off of his mouth, Joey yelled out at him, "Yeah, you _better_ run! You coward!" When Kaiba disappeared from sight, the blond shook the others off of him, sitting on the ground and sulking with an acquired skill.

Tea rolled her eyes at his actions. "Joey, knock it off." She said, sitting on the bench. "I don't know why you and Kaiba just can't be friends, or at least tolerate each other's presence. I mean, you guys are really alike-"

"Don't you ever," Joey snapped, shooting up and sticking a finger in her face, "_ever_ say that I act anything remotely close to that egoistic prick."

"Yeah, Tea, what were you thinking?" Tristan said. "The only way those two would get alone is if the world was about to end, and even then it's still iffy."

"You never know." Ryou shrugged. "There _have_ been bitter enemies that have been forced to work together on several occasions."

"Oh yeah?" Joey glared at the semi-albino child, "Name some."

Ryou blushed. "Oh... uhm... well... there was..." he stammered. "I... uh... can't think of any off the top of my head, but I'll be sure to let you know when I remember."

"Yeah, whatever." Joey grumbled.

"Hey," Tristan said, his eyes brightening. "There was this episode of Justice League where Superman had to fight his alter-ego or whatever and he asked Lex Luthor for help-"

"You watch _Justice League?_" Tea snorted. "That show's for babies!"

"It's a good show!" Tristan and Joey cried. "Shut up!"

"Joey, you've got to stop letting Kaiba get to you." Yugi told him, returning to the original topic. "I'm sure that if you show Kaiba on the outside that you're completely unaffected by his insults, that he'd leave you alone!"

"And on the inside?"

"Go nuts." Tristan grinned. "Curse his children, offer his soul to the Devil, offer _your_ soul to the Devil if he takes Kaiba's."

"Tristan!" Yugi cried.

"What?" Tristan blinked. "It's not like anyone's gonna hear him!"

"God will." Tea pointed out.

"Yeah, like Joey's gonna go to Hell for saying a few bad words?" Tristan laughed. "If that's the case, he was doomed _years_ ago!"

"Hey!" Joey said sharply. "Shut up!"

Tristan held his hands up, as if to stop any oncoming attacks. "Ok, ok! Relax!"

"'Relax'," Joey repeated savagely. "'Relax,' he says. Gee, Tristan, what an _amazin'_ piece of advice you gave there! Wow, that's gonna solve _all_ my problems. Let's go preach to all the poor people in the world. 'Hey, poor people! Tristan says relax!' You're a freakin' _genius_."

"I was just trying to help." Tristan retorted. "Don't get all snippy at me just because Kaiba got the best of you. _Again_."

Joey leapt to his feet, glaring at the teen. "Kaiba did _not_ get the best of me." Joey grit out.

"Sure, man," Tristan said, rolling his eyes. "Whatever you say."

It took several moments for Yugi, Tea and Ryou to pry Joey's hands off of Tristan's neck.

**OooOOOooO**

"See you later, guys!" Tristan waved to his friends goodbye at the end of the day. "Bye, Joey! Hope your nose heals!"

"Shut up!" Joey snapped. He was feeling a lot worse. Beating up Tristan usually cheered him up, mostly because it really made his self-esteem soar, but due to some _fluke_, Tristan had bloodied his nose. It was never a good day when _Tristan_ got him.

"Joey?" Yugi said, as the two began walking home.

"Yeah?"

"Can you promise me to not get into anymore fights with Kaiba for a while?"

"No."

"Ok... Can you promise me to try and not fight with Kaiba for a while?"

"... I promise nothing."

Yugi shrugged. "That'll have to do. But Joey, really, you have to stop fighting with him all the time. I hate seeing my friends get into fights."

"Yeah, but what can I say? It's in my blood!"

"Fighting's never amounted to anything, Joey." Yugi told him.

"It will someday." Joey assured him. "Someday I'm going to get that jerk. Then it'll all be worth it."

Yugi chuckled. "So, you're willing to fight with him thousands of times and lose just to beat him up once?"

"Yup!"

Yugi laughed louder this time. "That's some logic you've got going there, Joey."

"Hey, I spent a long time comin' up with that plan." Joey said, playfully flicking the shorter boy on the shoulder. "A lot of real effort went into that."

"So I see."

"Yes, you do."

They eventually made it to the Game Shop after a few more minutes. Turning to Joey, Yugi said, "Well, here's my house. I'll see you tomorrow, ok, Joey? And try not to dwell on the whole thing with Kaiba."

"Sure, Yugi. I'll forget all about it what with you remindin' me every three seconds." Joey grinned. Waving goodbye, the two parted ways.

As time passed by, Joey soon found himself alone with his thoughts - a dangerous place for him to be. Fighting with Kaiba always made him start re-evaluating his life. Joey had recently moved in with his mom after finally testifying that the living conditions with his father were...inadequate. So now, instead of living with the evil drunkard, he was now living with the woman who gave him to the evil drunkard. Oh, well. At least he had Serenity.

Life was definitely harder living with his mom. She expected so much more from him and was constantly on his case about everything, as though making up for lost time or just getting him used to a warden's job. She seemingly carried the constant fear with her that he was going to sprout into an evil serial killer or something. But then again, his oh-so-angelic school record of fights and suspensions, not to mention the out-of-school rumbles, weren't exactly going to make his mom suddenly change her mind.

Great. So instead of living with a parent who couldn't care less, he now had a parent that couldn't trust him to not beat something senseless. Hurrah. That was better... how? But anyway, it wasn't like he was too crazy with his mother either. After dumping him with dear dad, the motivation to impress her sort of... faded. The only reason he wasn't complaining about staying with his mom was for Serenity. He wasn't about to let her get pulled away from him again. But really, he couldn't take too much more of his mother's endless pestering of whether -

A noise roused Joey out of his thoughts, as he blinked away the words running through his mind. He'd reached the last crosswalk on the way to his house, he realised.

"It's like God won't drop it..." Joey muttered.

There, in the middle of the street, was a floppy-eared, brown-furred puppy. It was just... lying down without a care in the world, suddenly noticing Joey and barking happily at him. In turn, he rolled his eyes, about to cross the road when a flash of metal and light caught his eye.

Speeding down the road and swerving dangerously to the left and then sharply to the right was an SUV. The driver - most likely drunk - apparently didn't seem to notice or care about the creature sitting on the road. If anything, it sped up.

"Uhm..." Joey blinked. It _was_ going to stop though, right? It was getting a bit too close for comfort, and he wasn't the one in harm's way. "Come on, you stupid dog, _move_." He murmured, acutely aware of Tea's previous words and the familiarity of his own. He was about to further investigate that thought when he heard a worried whine coming from the puppy.

"Anytime. Really. But in the near future. Or now, whichever." Joey said to the dog, casting quick glances at the vehicle streaking towards it.

It was now or never.

"Time to be a hero, Joey," he told himself, taking in a deep breath. He bolted across the road, grabbing the dog, and almost dropping it, his body and mind screaming in protest the whole while. Keeping a firm grip, he collapsed on the other side, landing heavily on the cement.

"Right," he wheezed, sitting up. "Cement is hard. Not nice to fall on. Got it." He shook his head, trying to get rid of the faint stars who had begun performing a ballet in front of his eyes.

Joey got up stiffly, the puppy down on the ground. "Idiot." He said to it as soon as he was on his feet. "You could've been killed, you know that?." After a few moments of glaring and the sudden realisation of the communication barriers between them, Joey sighed and turned home. Another whine caught his attention, stopping him, as the trailing dog bumped into his leg.

He looked down in annoyance, gruffly telling it, "Go away. You're alive, so leave." The puppy merely cocked its' head to one side and let it's tongue roll out of its' mouth. It was obviously not understanding. What a surprise. "Go on. Leave." Joey said again, waving his hands for effect.

Apparently the dog seemed to take this gesture as, 'Hey, look, I've got tasty hands! Why not sample them?'

"_Ow!_" Joey cried, jumping back. "You ungrateful, little..." Joey stopped, shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "I'm talking to a dog... and I've got a feelin' the conversation's goin' no where fast." Focusing his attention back on the canine, he said, "Can you... leave... or somethin'?"

Nothing doing. The dog merely rolled onto its stomach, barking happily.

"Yeeeeeeeeah... ok... I'm gonna... leave now..."

Joey looked down again a moment after. There was the puppy, trotting happily alongside him. Stopping, he sighed, picked up the dog, carried him back a little bit, put him down, then walked on. And it worked... for three seconds. Joey looked back behind him, and, not surprisingly, the dog was still behind him.

"Look, dog! Stop followin' me around!" Joey snapped. "I've got better things to do with my life then dog-watch!" A sudden urge to read books and wear tacky trenchcoats washed over him. Shaking his head as if to erase that thought, he was annoyed to find it didn't work. "What, we can _build_ Etch-a-Sketches, but we can't apply that technology to a simple task in the human mind?" he muttered. In a louder voice, he said to the canine, "Look, just... _go home_ or whatever. I can't bring you with me, so go away." And then Joey began to walk off, only to find that, once again, the dog had not left his side.

Beginning to pick up his pace a bit, he broke into a light jog. The dog was still there. Finally, Joey went into a light run, quickly resorting to an all-out sprint.

Reaching home sans the canine, Joey whipped open the door, jumped in, then slammed and locked the door behind him. Leaning against the wall as he caught his breath, he called out, "I'm back!" Something was weird about that dog. He didn't know why, but he just got a strange... feeling around it.

Sighing as he dismissed the thought, he kicked off his shoes. He heard his sister reply from upstairs, "Great! I'll be right down!"

"Yeah," Joey yelled, taking off his jacket, "You'll never believe what that jerk Kaiba did - whoa - _Ahhhhhhhhhh!_" Barely a second later and Joey was behind a chair, staring at the dog with wide eyes. Suddenly grabbing a hold of himself, he stalked out from his hiding place and stormed over. "_You_." Joey snapped, grabbing the puppy by the scruff of his neck, and opening the door. "_You._ _Out. Now._."

"Joey, what's going on down there?" Serenity asked as she bounded down the stairs. "I heard you scream and - Oh my _gawd_! Is that for _me?_" Serenity squealed with delight, rushing up to Joey and snatching the puppy out of Joey's hands. Kneeling down on the floor, she promptly began playing with it.

"No, it's not for you. It followed me home after I saved it from becoming a pancake earlier." Joey said. "Serenity, you know we can't keep it."

"Why not?" Serenity asked, bringing out the dreaded puppy-dog eyes as she held the puppy to the side of her face to add a double doggy-stare. He felt his heart melting at the mere thought of looking at them. "Please, Joey? I promise I'll take good care of him!"

"It's up to that mother of yours, and you know how she is." Joey shrugged, walking out of the room. "She'd flip if she found out."

"I'll talk to her..." Serenity said softly, stroking the dog's head. She paused for a moment before calling out, "She's your mother too, you know."

"Biologically, yes. In reality, yes. Technically, no." Joey called from the kitchen. "She gave me up, remember? Besides, she'd never say yes to a dog anyway. Want a soda instead?"

"No, thanks." Serenity smiled. She kissed the puppy's wet, black nose. "I'd rather have a puppy."

"Of course that means you just lost out on both." Joey grinned, walking back in. "I'll drink yours then."

"How considerate."

"I'm a considerate kinda guy."

"So I see." Serenity murmured, busily rubbing the dog's belly, tickling its paws, and scratching it under the chin. "Well, I'm keeping Zeus anyway."

"Zeus?"

"It's gotta have a name, right?" Serenity explained. "We can't just call it 'the dog' all the time."

"Don't name it, sis." Joey shook his head, sitting down in a chair. "You'll start getting' attached after."

"Well, duh!" Serenity rolled her eyes. "We're going to keep it!"

"You're that sure, huh?"

"Yup!"

"Well, in that case," Joey grinned, lying down on the ground next to the dog and his sister. "I've got the perfect name for it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"Kaiba the Second."

"Kaiba?"

"Yeah."

"That rich guy that's always giving you trouble?"

"That's the one." Joey nodded, taking a swig from his pop.

"I thought you hated him."

"So I do."

"Then why are you naming the dog after him?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"So I see."

"Why's everyone saying that today?"

"It's the new phrase of the month."

"So I see."

"Clever."

"I'm a clever kinda guy."

"So I see."

"Are you finished?" Joey finally asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe." Serenity giggled, returning his expression.

"... So," Joey said, after a moment's consideration, " That would make KaibaII your dog?"

"Yup." Serenity chirped.

"That's a big responsibility." Joey told her. "You'll have to look after him, and play with him, and feed him..."

"I will."

"You promise?"

"Of course!"

"Good," Joey smirked, getting off the floor and sitting back on the chair. "'Cause it just pissed all over the rug, and of course, owners are on clean-up duty."

"Joey!" Serenity gasped, horrified at how close it was to her. "You did that on purpose!"

"Well, obviously! I'm not cleaning up after it!"

"Not going to clean up after what, Joseph?" another voice called out.

"Mom!" Serenity cried out in shock, jumping up and standing in front of the dog. "Uhm... you're home early!"

"Yes. I finished my work ahead of..." Mrs. Wheeler (Let's just call her Diane, ok? Mrs. Wheeler is now Diane.) trailed off, her eyes jumping from Joey to Serenity and back. "What's going on?"

"Uhm... nothing out of the ordinary." Serenity hastily replied.

"Oh, really?" Diane raised an eyebrow.

"Really, really." Serenity assured her.

Diane was silent before saying, "Then _that's_... water? Or is it from the dog now chewing on my chair?"

Serenity looked at the creature, tearing a hole into the fabric. "Uhm... mom... I can explain..." she began softly. "You see... Joey brought a dog today..." She paused quickly. Her mother sent a peculiar look to Joey, who retaliated with a blank, bored expression on his face. "He saved it from being run over... and it followed him back home... It doesn't have a collar or anything, and we think it's a stray... so can we... keep it?"

Diane sighed, studying all three faces. Finally, she said, "Clean-up this mess, and then we'll make some posters. If no one calls, then yes, you can keep the dog."

Serenity cheered, then picked up the dog and cuddled it, almost to the point of nausea, and then proceeded to clean up the rug. Diane left the room, leaving them to do whatever it was they wanted.

"I didn't think she'd cave so quickly." Joey muttered.

"She's not as cruel as you make her out to be, Joey." Serenity told him. "She's very, very nice. Anyway, I have to go clean this thing. Look after KaibaII for me, ok?"

"Whatever." Joey grunted, then looked at the brown puppy. "Happy? You get to stay."

**OooOOOooO**

_I'm here._

_I am where I need to be._

_I've returned._

_I knew one day they'd forget._

_I knew they'd forget about me._

_I knew they'd forget about what they did to me._.

_I haven't._

_I remembered_.

_I have it burned into my mind._

_I am here now._

_I have my plan._

_I have my motivation._

_I cannot be stopped._

_I have power too great._

_I have capabilities too numerous._

_I speak my name again._

_Razatul._

_I am Razatul._

_I was banished._

_I have returned._

_I will complete my destruction on all._

_I will destroy those who destroyed her._

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO **

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** AREN'T I GOOD! Now, for those you who've read the previous story I wrote, I hope you like the writing now that I'm more experienced. Yeah, there's been a lot of changes, but still technically the same basic plot. Anyways, I'll update soon. Feel free to ask me any questions you wish. I'll more then happily answer them for you. And please, grieve for my precious Diplomacy story. T.T


	2. Kaiba meets Kaiba

**Dog Pile (Now Revised)**

**Disclaimer:** Do not and will not ever own YGO.

**D/N:** Ah, yes... another day, another chapter... quite. (Eriso: Hmm... chocolate chip cookies and orange juice mixed with vinegar, pickle juice, and a banana...) ... You're gonna eat that? (Eriso: No, I'm gonna feed it to Joey.) Yes... quite... ANYWAYS... moving along.

Oh, and for all my Diplomacy fans who are also weeping with me for the evil deletion of Diplomacy, I'll finish the rest of the chapters then e-mail em to ya, ok? Just leave your email addresses and know that I'm still gonna take forever to update! XD

Mandapandabug: Actually, to tell you the truth, I've never read Of Mice and Men. It's supposed to be pretty good, I hear. But it's got nothing to do with this story! Sorry it's not yaoi!

**OooOOOooO**

"..._Brrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggg!_..."

Joey woke up and yawned, forcing himself to see through his blurred vision. After a quick realisation of what the noise was, he decisively slammed his fist down on his alarm clock's snooze button, rolled over and went back to sleep. It worked, until it started up again a few minutes later.

"_Bbbrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggggg!_" The alarm wailed, in a far more, 'Get Up, Idiot! I'm Ringing Here!' tone. It was silenced far more permanently as the brilliant blond shut off the alarm.

'_I took care of _that.' Joey thought to himself happily, before dozing off once more. Yes, after an epic battle with an alarm clock of _that_ calibre, it tended to make you a bit-

All at once he was leaping and collapsing out of his bed at the same time, clutching his bleeding foot while hollering, "_Ow!_ Holy _God!_"

KaibaII cocked his head to the side and let his tongue roll out of his mouth, watching the 'Dance of the Blondes' ballet unfold.

Serenity ran in shortly after, her eyes sweeping over the owner of the room and landing on the 'vicious mongrel of doom'. "There you are! I was looking all over for you." She smiled at it, she picking up the puppy and patting its head.

"Yeah, and a 'good mornin'' to you too." Joey sighed, limping his way to the bathroom.

**OooOOOooO**

"How's your foot, Joey?" Serenity asked her brother, watching him limp his way down the stairs in a dramatic fashion.

"It's been better." Joey grumbled. He gave KaibaII a quick glare before sitting down at the table, moving in on his breakfast with a hunger not seen since... a... long time. "I gotta get to school, ok?" He said between mouthfuls, small flecks of food finding their way out of his mouth. "You should get movin' too."

"Oh, I asked mom if I could stay home today to look after Kaiba." Serenity shrugged. "So, I'm not in a hurry."

"She's lettin' you stay home?" Joey repeated, pausing with his fork mid-air to his mouth.

"Yeah," Serenity nodded. "She doesn't want KaibaII alone on his first real day. I'm going to make sure he doesn't pee on everything."

"She always lets you stay home. Why not me?" Joey whined, grabbing his things and walking out of the door.

KaibaII barked out what seemed to be a goodbye.

**OooOOOooO**

"Hey, Joey! You're on time for once!" Tristan greeted his friend, who was currently sprawled over his desk. He hopped into the seat next to him, Yugi sitting at the other side. Ryou wasn't in their first period class, and Tea was running a little late, so at the moment it was just the three of them. "What's the occasion?"

"Kaiba woke me up. I had no choice but to get out of bed." Joey muttered, his voice muffled due to the wonderful thing called the 'desk' his face was smashed up against.

The was a long silence before Yugi finally asked, "_Kaiba_... woke you up?"

Joey turned his head to look at the vertically-challenged teen, doing it with the most dreary of expressions. "Not _Kaiba_ Kaiba." Joey explained. "I mean KaibaII. He's this stray dog that followed me home."

"You named your dog after _Kaiba_?" Tristan gasped out. "That takes guts, man! Can I date your sister when he kills you?"

"No."

"Meh. You won't be able to stop me."

"Wanna bet?" Joey mumbled. "Anyway, Kaiba won't find out, because I'm not going to tell him. Besides, even if he does, I'll make sure I'm with a large group of people when - _if_, which he won't because I'm too great - he murders me, so I've got witnesses. Most likely you guys."

"What!" Tristan cried, almost jumping out of his seat. "And have him kill _us_ next? Yeah, right! Sorry, Joey, but if Kaiba comes after you with a knife, you're on your own."

"He won't need a knife." Yugi said, in a I'm-sorry-that-sounded-so-morbid way.

"Some friends you are." Joey grunted, plopping his face down on the desk again. "Ow." The rest of the class walked in at the sound of the bell, hurried along by their teacher, Mrs. Jarva. (I get new teachers all the time XD) Tea, rushing in, red-faced and out of breath, sat in the desk in front of Yugi.

"Settle down, class! Quiet! Everyone quiet!" Mrs. Jarva commanded. When the class was silent, she continued. "Yes, well, as you know, today is Friday, and the following Monday is a P.A Day, so you'll be having a long weekend." The class cheered. "This also means you'll be getting extra time to work on the team project I'm handing out to you now and will be expecting it completed on Tuesday!" The class booed. She looked at them in surprise. "I thought it'd be rather fun."

"Great... _Now_ I have to waste my weekend on a project..." Tristan muttered. "I actually had a date tonight, and now I can't go!"

"Relax, Tristan." Joey assured him. "It's a _team_ project, remember? Maybe you'll get some little loser with no life and a few spare evenin's. Just dump all the work on him and go to your... uhm... 'date.'"

"Yeah... but I don't think you'd do it." Tristan grinned, and was whacked in the head.

"I have taken the liberty of choosing the teams. Hopefully, I've paired you up with somebody you know very little about, for this project's purpose is to write about how you interact with that person for the weekend." Mrs. Jarva explained. "Perhaps one could sleep over at the other's house as well... Alright, here are the teams!"

"I hope I get someone good..." Tea prayed.

"Tea and Duke!"

"_Dammit!_" Tea pounded on her desk, blushing furiously as the class stared at her. "Uhm... I... uh... _Hooray!_ Yeah..."

"Tristan and Stephanie!"

"Oh, yeah!" Tristan grinned. "She's only the hottest girl in school!"

"She's only a complete _idiot_." Joey pointed out.

"Yugi and Malik!" (Yes, he's here. Somewhere... )

Joey, Tea and Tristan fell silent and looked at Yugi, who merely sighed and instinctively clutched his Millennium Puzzle.

"Yeah, well," Tristan shrugged. "Maybe you'll get lucky and Marik won't come out to play."

"Yeah right!" Joey scowled. "Yugi, _hide_ that thing the minute you get home! Malik's ok, but Marik's gonna come after it as soon as-"

"Joseph and Seto!"

"_Whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt?_" Joey shrieked, jumping up out of his seat and nearly flipping the desk over. "This is an _outrage_! You can't do this, Mrs. Jarva! Me'n'Kaiba hate each other! We'll be killin' each other before this weekend's done! Can't you change or pair me up with someone else? Just switch it around real quick?"

"I'm sorry Joseph, but the teams are made. Now if you could kindly take your seat..."

"Oh, come _on_! There's gotta be somethin' you can do! I refuse to work with that guy!" Joey snapped.

"Joseph, if you don't sit down _right now_, I'll not only send you to the office, but I'll extend your project from a weekend to a _week_!" Mrs. Jarva glared.

Joey stiffened, but reluctantly plopped back into his chair, sulking furiously.

"Tough break, Joey." Tristan sympathised.

"Maybe it won't be so bad." Tea shrugged. "Maybe you two could become-"

"I swear to God, Tea, if you say 'friends', I'll kill you while you sleep." Joey glared viciously.

"Calm down, Joey!" Tea glared back. "I was only trying to help."

Joey laid his face back down on his desk. "Sayin' we'll be friends ain't very helpful."

"Well, what else do you want me to say?" Tea demanded.

"How about, 'Joey, if you're lucky, maybe you and Kaiba will live to see Monday.' _That's_ more probable." Joey responded. "But then again... maybe I'll be the only one to live."

"Or you won't and Kaiba will." Tristan said. "I think that's more likely."

"Thanks for that boat of confidence." Joey rolled his eyes. "Pray for me, you guys."

"Joey, it won't be _that_ bad." Yugi assured him. "I mean, really, what's the most trouble you guys can run into?"

**OooOOOooO**

"Dog." Kaiba said, approaching Joey at lunch.

"Kaiba..." Joey growled, tearing his attention away from his sandwich. It was sloppy and oozing its content out, but from the way Joey was drooling over it moments before, one would think it was the most rare, delectable, gourmet meal. Gourmet, of course, in the same way _les escargots_ are considered scrumptious.

"Let me speak." Kaiba snapped, as Joey opened his mouth to say more. "At first I figured that I should tell you to pull your weight on the project. I thought that you could at least do your part. Then I thought that maybe I should do the whole thing so I'd still have a perfect record of not _failing_ anything. But I've decided against that. I have a company to run and I don't need the extra work. So we're back to the beginning. Do your part, Wheeler. I don't want to have to write two reports."

Joey snorted. "Gee, Kaiba. You seem so encouragin' of-"

"And we're using your house."

"Why _mine_?"

"Because I have items of actual value things in mine."

Joey narrowed his eyes, clamping his lips together. Kaiba carried on.

"So we're using yours, because I doubt you'd have anything over a thousand dollars." He paused slightly, before adding, "Or over ten."

"I'd really complain about this, but seein' as how it's _only_ for a weekend, fine, whatever. Go away." Joey mumbled, and began eating again.

"I'll see you after school then." Kaiba told him, stalking away at a rate suggesting he couldn't get out of there fast enough to sterilise himself.

"After school?" Joey whined.

"He's probably thinking, 'the sooner we get the project done, the sooner I can get rid of you.' What a jerk." Tristan muttered once he left. "I'm so happy I got... Oh my god, it's her!" And sure enough, the hottest girl, in all her blonde, blue-eyed, inch thick layer of make-up glory was walking towards them. "Hey, Stephanie!" Tristan smiled sweetly as she approached.

"Look, loser," Stephanie said, far from her usual 'sunny' voice, "I've got a heavy date tonight, and Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday. I don't have time to work on this little 'project.' So you're doing it for me."

"Okay, Stephanie," Tristan droned, practically drooling. "Whatever you say."

"Oh, and another thing," Stephanie wagged a finger in his face. "Just because we're doing a project together doesn't mean you can talk to me. We were forced together. If it was my own choice, I'd _never_ do it with you."

"You never know, Steph. It could be fate." Tristan 'flirted.'

"Ok, it's '_Stephanie_.' Don't ever call me '_Steph_' again." The cheerleader cast him one final, dark look before she walked away.

The group was silent for a moment.

"Oh, she wants me." Tristan grinned, leaning back in her chair. "She's just afraid I'll reject her, so she's hiding it."

"I'd be scared too," Joey smirked. "Havin' to deal with all of you at once."

Tristan was completely oblivious to the sarcastic tone in Joey's words. "Yeah... but don't worry... She'll absolutely fawn over me when she sees what a good job I did on the report!"

"Tristan, you shouldn't have let her talk to you like that." Tea scolded. "She practically _told_ you to do the entire thing!"

Tristan shook his head. "The it's obvious, isn't it? She's obviously too shy to ask me to come over to her house to do the project, and she isn't sure she'd make a good impression if she came over to mine." Tristan sighed dreamily. "The signs of love."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Joey said. "Well, if _that's _the case, you should tell her that it'd be okay for her to come to your house, and that she'll have nothin' to worry 'bout."

"Yeah... I should..." Tristan thought to himself.

"Tristan..." Yugi began, "I don't think that's-"

"Yes, you should do it right now!" Ryou added. "Before she catches up to everyone. Get her while she's alone."

Tristan jumped up. "Alright! I'll do it!" And with that, he dashed over to speak with Stephanie.

"Oh, this should be _good_." Joey laughed, giving Ryou a high five. "Way to go, Ryou!"

"Ryou! This sort of behaviour I would expect from Joey, but from _you_?" Tea shook her head. "Tristan's your friend, and you know very well that friends don't treat friends like that!"

"That's right!" Yugi agreed.

Joey waved his hand, as if to shoo away the thought. "Relax, you guys. It's just a little joke."

"But Joey-" Yugi tried to say.

"But nothin'!" Joey interrupted. "Listen, Tristan's gonna come back totally crushed, we're gonna pat him on the back and comfort him, and then everything'll be well in the world once more."

"But for how long?" Ryou grinned, as Joey cracked up.

Tea put her hands on her hips. "I still think that was a rotten joke. Shame on you both! How could you treat poor Tristan like that? He's got his hopes all up, and now he's rushing off to make a total fool of himself and be completely humiliated!"

"Still... it may be pretty funny."

Tea's eyes widened. "_Yugi!_ I'm completely shocked you'd say such a thing!"

"Welcome to the dark side, Yugi." Joey nodded approvingly.

"Ok, shhh! Tristan's coming back." Ryou whispered.

"She said _yes_! She said she'd come over to my house after all!" Tristan cried out happily. "I said that I wasn't going to do the project on my own and that if she wanted to, she could just come to my house! And she _agreed_!"

Joey blinked. "You get people to do what you want them to do? Can you get Kaiba to jump off a bridge?"

"Sorry," Tristan beamed, as he sat down happily. "I only use my amazing charm for personal gain."

**OooOOOooO**

"Well, I guess your house isn't exactly the rat-trap I had in mind, but it's still pretty pathetic." Kaiba said, casting a critical eye at every aspect of the house.

"Oh, _thank you_, Kaiba." Joey replied, rolling his eyes. "I'm so glad I could please you."

"Don't you have anyone to clean up after you? Any maids or anything?" Kaiba asked.

"In case you ain't noticed yet, Moneybags," Joey said, hotly, "We're not all freakishly rich."

"Clearly," was the bored reply. "Let's get to work then. The project is supposed to be on how we interact with one another. So I suppose we just..."

"... Write down that the minute you walked in you started whinin' and insultin' everything you laid eyes on?" Joey plopped down on a chair. "Fine by me. Looks like we're already done."

"I was going to say 'talk' but I suppose a mind like yours wouldn't be able to create a conversation that would use words with more than 10 letters." Kaiba remarked.

Joey snorted. "Now who uses words with more than 10 letters?"

"Conversation has 11."

"Don't you feel special."

"I do."

"You're an idiot."

"You're one to talk, mutt."

And as if on cue, KaibaII strolled in happily, jumped up on Seto Kaiba's lap, and almost immediately began licking his face. Kaiba's face turned a strange shade of green, followed up quickly by red, though from anger or disgust it was never known.

"Kaiba, get off Kaiba." Joey said in a low voice. He picked up his dog and pushed him roughly to the side.

After Kaiba stopped sputtering, he spit out, "Great. A mutt for a mutt. What's this world coming to?"

"Kaiba," Joey simply replied, gesturing to the dog. "Meet Kaiba.

Kaiba stopped and blinked. Joey merely pet KaibaII on the head, finding the dog actually useful for once. The puppy gave out a happy little bark.

"You... named it... after _me_?" Kaiba's eyes began to widen.

"Yeah, I think it has a nice ring to it. Kaiba the Dog." Joey grinned fiendishly at the other. "Why? Somethin' the matter?"

Kaiba gripped the arms of the chair tightly. "Wheeler, just do the project."

"Hi, Joey!" Serenity said happily, coming down the stairs. "Sorry, I was looking for... There you are!" Serenity picked up KaibaII and cradled him. "Don't ever run away from me again, Kaiba!" She then looked up and saw the CEO sitting in the chair opposite her brother. She stood up, awkwardly smiling at him. "Uhm... hi. You are?"

"This, Serenity," Joey pointed towards Kaiba, "Is the original Seto Kaiba."

"Oh... hi. I... hope you're not... offended or anything." Serenity said, a faint blush coming to her cheeks. "I mean, I wanted to name my dog Zeus, but Joey insisted on naming it after you for some reason... Not that I'm pinning the blame on my brother or anything, I'm just saying that it wasn't my idea to-"

"Kid, we have an assignment to work on, so why don't you take... _it_ upstairs so we can work." Kaiba responded through clenched teeth. Serenity just looked at Joey and left.

"Somethin' wrong, Kaiba?" Joey asked, innocently.

Kaiba looked up at him and glared viciously. "Wheeler... I swear..."

Joey almost laughed. "Oh, relax. It's just a name. But hey, now you can't exactly call me a dog now, because technically, you're one too!"

Kaiba rolled his eyes and sighed. "No, Wheeler, I am not a dog. A dog just happens to share the same name as me. You, on the other hand, still are and will remain a dog for probably the rest of your life." Kaiba glared at him. "Now get me something to eat, _dog_."

Joey glared right back.

Something told Joey that this was going to be a _long_ weekend.

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Yes... quite... anyways, that's still technically an introductory chapter. The REAL fun will begin NEXT CHAPTER! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


	3. An Ironic Twist of Fate

**Dinky Doogie Doggy AHAHHAHHHAHAHHHAHHA... no**. - **(God, what a stupid title... Anyway, Now Revised)**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own YGO, but thanks for asking!

**D/N:** Ah yes... quite... I think I'll switch from updating whenever to updating at least by Monday. Oh, and for those waiting for the next chapter of Diplomacy... I'm working on it, but my teachers are just... _evil_. I mean _evil_, evil. So bear with me! THIS is why I didn't write two stories at once! S

**OooOOOooO**

"Ok... so..." Joey chewed on his pen cap, looking at a list of questions on his lap. Ice-breakers to get the conversation going. Yeah, right. He need more than a couple of questions to break _those_ icy glares. Maybe a missile or two... "When you look at me, what do you see?"

"A dog."

"Yeah, yeah..." He muttered. "What quality do you like best about me?"

"You don't _always_ have dog breath."

"Are you actually gonna give me some real answers here?" Joey snapped, looking up with a sharp glare.

Kaiba smirked. "I might, but I don't think your family could afford the therapy."

"Yeah, I _would_ be kind of traumatised after seein' how much blood you got in your body." Joey retorted, his eyes still burning. "Alright, can you at least _try_ not to be such an ass and actually co-operate?"

"No."

The flat-out refusal made Joey's eyes roll spastically. "This is gonna be a long weekend."

**OooOOOooO**

_I need more power._

_I need more strength._

_Where?_

_Life... I need life..._

_But from who?_

_So many choices are before me..._

_I could have my revenge on _that_ one now..._

_The swords-master._

_My personal bane._

_But, no..._

_He is there._

_He is blind._

_He is ignorant._

_He is unguarded._

_He is..._

_Perfect._

_Perfect life._

_Life for me._

_I will get my energy._

_I will get my strength._

_So long in this accursed form..._

_No longer._

_Just a little longer..._

_I must wait..._

_My thirst will quench._

_My hunger will be satisfied._

_My revenge fulfilled._

**OooOOOooO**

Joey sighed angrily. This project was going no where at light speed, and it looked like Mr. CEO wasn't in any mood to change his mind. Serenity had gone out for a sleep-over, so he couldn't even ask her to drag him out of this thing. Oh, well. First thing first.

"Where are you going, dog?" Kaiba's voice called out.

"The bathroom, stupid."

"I wasn't talking to you, _mutt_." Joey turned around. KaibaII had crossed the room, making his in front of the brunet. He sat on the ground, staring intently at Kaiba with glazed eyes.

"Don't talk to my dog that way." Joey said.

"I'll talk to it whatever way I want." Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Kaiba... you... oh, forget it!" Joey snapped, then stomping off.

Kaiba let a small smirk onto his face, before feeling it slip off again as his eyes landed on the dog.

What a creepy little thing it was, staring at him like that...

**OooOOOooO**

_Yes._

_This is a good choice._

_I wonder..._

_Do I have enough strength?_

_The forms must match._

_Can I change him?_

_My heart is strong._

_My energy is not._

_I must move quickly._

_It must be done now._

_Very well._

_You withheld information from me, young one._

_I withhold your life._

**OooOOOooO**

The tension continued to mount as the two Kaibas continued to stare intently at each other. A small part of the original almost wanted Joey back to break the silence. At the moment, anything was better than this much eye-contact from such a stupid creature.

"Do you have a problem?" Kaiba finally blurted. "Get out of my sight."

KaibaII jumped onto Seto Kaiba's lap, the gaze deepening in intent. For such a tiny mind, it was certainly concentrating hard.

"What did I say?" Kaiba snapped. "Go _away_!"

For a long time, neither made a sound. Then suddenly, in a painfully loud volume, KaibaII dropped open his jaw and let out an ear-shattering howl.

"Shut _up_!" Kaiba snarled as the dog refused to let up. "God, are _all_ dogs this annoying?"

Maybe if Kaiba hadn't been so preoccupied, he would've noticed his height declining ever so steadily.

**OooOOOooO**

Joey stormed in a few minutes later, annoyed with antics he'd been hearing from his living room. "Kaiba, what'd you do to my-" Joey stopped suddenly, blinking as he looked around. Kaiba wasn't there. "What'd he do?" The blond asked the air. "_Leave_?" No. The infamous trenchcoat still hung on the back of the chair Kaiba had debated sitting in for a good ten minutes because he was too afraid of getting fur on his clothes. That'd been a real riot. Really.

Joey's attention turned to the closet as he heard the snarling yaps of KaibaII. "Great... now what?" he muttered, walking over.

Sighing, he pushed the dog away and swung the door open. "There's nothing in there, ok?" Joey said to canine. It whined back, as a rustling murmured from the shelf. "Well, I've been wrong before.."

Common sense would have prodded any other individual to use a pole of some sort to push through the mess that was the closet shelf, in case any rabid monsters were laying in wait.

Joey shoved his hand into the pile. "Now, let's see what's makin' all the noise in - _ow! Ow, ow, ow!_" He ripped his hand out of the closet, a crimson shade coating the tip of his finger. "Oh, _great_! I'm paired up with Kaiba, I find some idiot dog, Kaiba's disappeared and now I need a _rabies shot!_"

With a sudden surge of nothing-to-lose... -ness, Joey stripped the shelf of all the clutter, uncovering lost treasures that had been abandoned weeks, months, _years_ ago. Finally, the rabid beast was whipped out onto the flooring, shrieking with a voice only found in rats.

"And mom thought _my_ place was a mess. Well!" Joey grimaced, as KaibaII sprang into action. He caught the rat by the spindly tail, dragging it - kicking and screaming - to Joey. "What's that thing doin' in here, anyway?"

It squawked back at him, whether in fury or terror Joey couldn't decide. Rats only had so many expressions, after all.

After staring stupidly at it for several moments, Joey came to a decision. "I'll go get a box and a shovel. Hang on to that thing, will you?"

At this point, the rat began letting out wild howls that nearly shattered Joey's eardrums. It started clawing wildly as it forced itself to wriggle free from the dog's jaws. Just as it looked as though KaibaII wasn't letting it go anytime soon, it broke free and tore off towards the chairs.

"_Catch_ it, you stupid dog!" Joey snapped. The irony had long since lost its effect. "I don't wanna have that thing runnin' around the house and have _her_ blame it all on me."

KaibaII stared blankly at the blond, showing no inclination to take up the chase after going through it once already. It didn't seem to matter, thankfully. The rat climbed up the side of the chair and dove into Kaiba's coat pocket.

Joey grinned. "That oughta be a good 'nough surprise for ol' Moneybags when he leaves."

Unfortunately, the rat didn't seem to be intent on lying in wait for CEO's. It jumped back out with a scrap sheet of paper and headed for the table. There, it snapped off a lead tip from Joey's pencil and proceeded to _write on the small sheet_.

Joey stared in utter shock. "Okay..." He said slowly, casting a steady gaze about for a box or cage. "I'm gonna be freakin' rich."

The rat looked up at him, waving the paper as best he could with the lack of thumbs. (How'd he write with no thumbs? Two paws, people. Two paws... )

"What, like I can read rodent?"

The rat continued to wave the sheet insistently, adding a little hop to the mix.

Despite himself, Joey marched forward and took the sheet from the small paws. The writing was horribly small, and it seemed one couldn't draw a straight line with a pencil tip with something... _opposable_, but slowly, Joey began to translate the sloppy words.

"I... uh... _am_, I'm guessing..." Joey mumbled. The colour suddenly drained out of his face, as he stared down at the rat in horror.

"_Kaiba?_"

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Short, huh? Well, w/e, that's all you get for now. I'm tired, I'm going to go sleep. But hey, reviews make me type faster! From Qk of the Future: Reviews make me type faster... Ahahaha... And I'm the Queen of the Jungle Men, too. Dear gravyness... I actually used _w/e_ back then... What an idiot I am. (Eriso: It's what I've been saying...) Shut up.


	4. A New Home for Kaiba The First

Tails, You Lose!

Disclaimer: BWUAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHA!!! I STOLE A CONTRACT!! NOW I _DO_ OWN YU-GI-OH!! ... Oh... wait... no, I don't. U.U

D/N: High-school is bloody demanding. I've always thought they gave too much homework. Oh, for my fellow Diplomacy fans... no, your computer hasn't crashed yet, (Eriso: YET... duhn, duhn, duhn... ) I haven't sent out the chapter. I decided not to. I'm just going to post them up on Fanfiction. When? I don't know. I may not though. I may just banish the whole thing to the ends of the Shadow Realm... (Eriso: Ok, how about no?) ... Too much? Sorry. Meh. I'll finish it. Buuuuuuuuut once again, when I do is a whole different story.

Doo-Dads:

'blah, blah, blah' - thoughts

"blah, blah, blah" - speech... as if you couldn't figure that out.

Blah, _blah,_ blah - emphasis on italic word

_Blah, blah, blah_ - Razatul's little rants and ness

**Blah, blah, blah** - Well... I don't really use bold, now do I?

Oh, and _obviously_ Joey can't speak to rats, so he can't understand Kaiba when he speaks... or squeaks. So whenever I'm writing about their conversation, it's Joey that's talking, and Kaiba that's writing on his computer. _Duh!_ XD Anyways, READ!!!

OOOOOOOOOO

_I can almost taste it._

_Youth._

_Freshness._

_Life._

_I shall obtain it._

_I should have it now._

_But he has interfered._

_He has betrayed me._

_He is protecting my source._

_Keeping him away from me._

_But it will not work._

_I will get my life._

_I will get my youth._

_I will be renewed._

_And I will not be stopped._

OOOOOOOOO

"Found it!" Joey called from far away.

Kaiba didn't bother looking up from his current task, which was to scavenge through his trench coat to find his Palm Pilot (YES THAT'S HOW IT'S SPELT!!), for he felt it would be easier to use. Instead of the little plastic pen, he would simply use a finger. It would be _much_ easier than hopping from key to key.

"Kaiba? Where are you?" Joey asked, much closer now.

"Down here." Kaiba squeaked. He knew Joey wouldn't hear him, much less understand him, but at least the squeaks were enough to signal his whereabouts. Suddenly, Kaiba felt himself being lifted out of the air and shaken. With a fierce squeak of anger, Kaiba fell out of his trench-coat and onto the seat. He was then whacked on the head from his Palm Pilot falling on top of him.

"Ehehe... Sorry..." Joey grinned, not seeming to really care. Kaiba, finally getting that dazed look out of his eyes, promptly began... er... _squeaking_ at him. "Oh, relax! You're fine! Look, I figured that maybe I didn't want KaibaII to kill you right away, so..."

Joey picked up something from the floor, as Kaiba's beady, little eyes widened to the size of his 'usual' ones. "I found this for you! You know what they say! 'One's person trash is another person's treasure!'"

Kaiba rolled his eyes, and wrote down, "I think this is trash no matter _who_ you give it to."

Joey just grinned a little more. "You're just a little stiff because it's not a mansion!" Joey told him, and placed the item on the table. "Come on! Go inside! See what it's like!"

"I don't have to go inside to know that it's a dump." Kaiba wrote down.

"Just _try_ it!" Joey insisted, then picked him up, greatly to Kaiba's disapproval, and threw him inside. "There, now isn't that cosy?"

"No."

"You just have to get used to it!"

"I don't _want_ to get used to it!" Kaiba replied, angrily. "I don't _want_ to be a rat, and I am _not_ going to live in a hamster cage!"

"Well, it's either this or you've got nothing to sleep in, and plus..." Joey gestured towards the dog that was tied up in the living room. "So?"

Kaiba didn't move.

"Oh, come on, Kaiba! It's only for a little while!" Joey said. "Seriously, besides the fact that it's a hamster cage, what's _really_ wrong with it?"

"It smells."

"I'll clean it out, obviously!"

"Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"In a corner?"

"And where am I supposed to go to the bathroom?"

"In a different corner?"

"You're hilarious."

"Thanks."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Meh." Joey shrugged, picking up the cage, Kaiba and all, and began walking up to his room. "You'll just have to stick it out for a while, ok, Kaiba?" Squeaks of protest were heard. "And if you don't shut-up, I'm gagging you!"

The squeaks immediately stopped.

"That's better." Joey put the cage on his night-table in his room, and opened the door. Kaiba immediately jumped out. "Ok, so, I'm just going to let your brother know you're staying here, ok? You just... fiddle with your Palm Pilot or something." And then Joey left, the door closed behind him.

Kaiba sighed, then picked up his Palm Pilot.

OOOOOOOOO

_He is alone._

_He is with me._

_The other has trapped him in here._

_There is no escape._

_I will have my youth._

_I will have my life._

_I will have it now._

_And there will be no escape._

_He will have no salvation._

_He is alone._

_And he is doomed._

OOOOOOOOO

Kaiba sighed and looked around Joey's room. He had to admit, it was pretty nice, but still nowhere _near_ as fabulous as his own. Joey had flicked off the lights for some strange and crazy reason, but luckily Kaiba could see in the dark.

"This sucks." Kaiba muttered to himself, but obviously, to anyone else that wasn't able to speak to animals/an animal (COUGH dog COUGH!! Eriso: ... nice.)/evil magic dude bent on revenge and ruling the world... wait... did I say he was planning to do that? Oh, well, he is.

Kaiba grumbled to himself, and ran up Joey's bed. "Why can't he just _make_ me a bed? I mean, seriously, I'm the size of a baseball! Am I _really_ going to take up that much room?" Kaiba began grumbling to himself. It sucked being a rodent. But hey, as long as he was on a bed...

Closing his eyes, he started to relax, and slowly drift off, when suddenly-

"Are you comfortable?" a sly voice rang out.

Kaiba shot up onto his feet... er... paws, and scanned the area. Then he looked off the edge of the bed.

"Are you?"

"I can't exactly call being a rodent very comfortable." Kaiba replied, not sure if speaking to a voice was the greatest sign of mental health.

"Well, you will not be a rodent for much longer, I can assure you."

Kaiba blinked. "Oh? And how would you know this?"

"I will help you shed this rodent form."

"And what do you want in return?"

"It's quite trivial really. I doubt you should even want it."

"What do you want?"

"You won't even miss it. You probably won't even be _able_ to miss it."

"What. Do. You. Want?"

Two eyes, glowing a fierce, fiery red, lit up directly in front of Kaiba. "I want... your life." Then a harsh pain went searing throughout Kaiba.

OOOOOOOOO

During this time, Joey was busy calling Mokuba. This was he third time, and the kid _still_ wasn't picking up! How many phones were in that house so that it took a year to actually find one? Geez! But at last, the phone _finally_ was answered by Mokuba.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mokuba! It's Joey! Uhm... Kaiba wanted me to tell you that he's probably gonna stay over here tonight to finish working on the project." Joey said.

"Really?" was the reply. "That doesn't sound like Seto..."

Joey inwardly sighed. "Yeah, he said that the sooner he finished the project the sooner he could stop looking at me or something like that. I forget what he said exactly."

"Oh. Why can't he just tell me himself?"

"Uhm... because... he's... busy." Joey thought up. "Yeah, he's busy."

"Doing what? Working on the project?"

"Yeah!"

"So why can't he just take a quick break to call me?"

"Because... he says he doesn't want me around to screw it up, so he sent me instead!"

"Oh. Ok... well, have him call me later, ok?" Mokuba said.

"Yeah, sure! No problem!" And then Joey hung up. Sighing, he said to himself, "Well, I'm glad that's over with..."

A sudden crash coming from upstairs made Joey jump. Running into the living room, he gasped in horror when he saw that his dog had somehow gotten untied, then bolted up the stairs into his room. Whipping open the door, he felt something furry run up him (O.o) and settle on his head. Kaiba. And where was KaibaII? On the ground, yapping away.

Kaiba squeaked furiously at the dog, and although Joey couldn't see it to be sure, he felt that Kaiba was shaking his fist/paw as well.

"Geez, I can't leave you alone for five minutes without _someone_ trying to kill ya, can I, Kaiba?" Joey rolled his eyes. Picking up his puppy and shooing it away, Joey took Kaiba off his head and sort of threw him on the bed, which of course pissed Kaiba off that he had been handled so roughly.

Kaiba scurried to grab his little Palm Pilot (Which would have been _really_ cute to look at if it wasn't Kaiba that was doing it... ) and typed in quickly, "That thing has a death wish for me!"

"Oh?" Joey raised a tired eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

"It tried to kill me!"

"Kaiba, _everyone_ tries to kill you now and then. It's a part of your life now." Joey sighed. "I'm tired. I want to sleep..." He closed his eyes and was about to drift asleep when he was quickly bitten sharply on the arm by the rich rat. (Eriso: XD Rich rat... clever, clever Qk. / Qk: I know. Heheheh!)

Joey sighed and looked at the Palm Pilot, which I will now refer to as 'PP' (Eriso: XD / Qk: You're so immature.) because I'm too lazy to keep typing out Palm Pilot... which I just did again... Ok, ANYWAYS, Joey looked at the PP and read off the screen, "And where am _I_ supposed to sleep?"

"I told you, pick a corner of your comfy little cage and sleep."

"And I told _you_, I'm not sleeping in a cage!"

"Oh, yes you are!" Joey snapped, grabbing Kaiba, and stuffing him in the cage, and then grabbing something that was sticky (Qk: Gum. Let's call it gum. / Eriso: What about duct tape? / Qk: Yeah, ok.), which just happened to be a roll of duct tape, he sealed the CEO inside the hamster cage.

Kaiba squeaked as loud as he could and thrashed inside, and even resorted to chewing on the duct tape, but alas, it was to no avail. Kaiba sighed, and finally wrote something on his PP. (Eriso: XD It's funnier every time you say it! / Qk: -.-;; Maybe I should just stick to Palm Pilot... )

"What if I get hungry or thirsty?" Joey saw. "Uhm... hang on, I'll go get you something to eat."

The Palm Pilot was pushed towards him once more. Joey looked at it, then snickered a little. Then giggled. Then just burst out laughing. Kaiba squeaked angrily at him, obviously displeased that he was being mocked.

"You want me to take you with me?" Joey managed to get out. "Awwww... Poor little Kaiba needs me to save him when trouble's near!" He rolled his eyes, picked up the cage, then walked out the door into the kitchen.

OOOOOOOO

_What happened?_

_He interfered yet again!_

_He is slowing my progress!_

_He will not stop me._

_He cannot stop me._

_He must _not_ stop me._

_I am powerful._

_But I grow weaker._

_I need life._

_Or I shall perish._

_He must stop interfering._

_Or I will stop him._

_Permanently._

_Either way, I shall be satisfied._

_That fateful day is forgotten._

_But I remember it._

_I will stop him._

_I will have to._

_He must not stop me again._

_I need my life._

_But I will get it._

_I will wait._

_But for how much longer?_

OOOOOOOOO

"Ok, so, we got cookies... chips... pop... uhm... carrots, strawberries..." Joey turned and smirked at Kaiba. "I could always go up to the pet store and buy you some hamster food. Would you like that? Get you some nice sunflower seeds and corn. You like corn, right?"

Kaiba, incapable of numerous expressions as he was, sent a forceful message simply with his eyes that said, "Wheeler, if you even think about it, I will kill you while you sleep."

Joey snorted in amusement, then resumed getting some food. Finally selecting a bunch of carrots, lettuce, and a couple of strawberries, Joey placed them in a dish and put it in the cage.

"And my water?" Kaiba wrote on his Palm Pilot.

"I'm going, I'm going." Joey rolled his eyes.

"This is a very large strawberry. I can't even lift it!" Kaiba wrote.

"Poor, weak, little Kaiba." Joey grinned, and was about to fill up the water-bowl when suddenly -

"I'm home!"

Joey's eyes widened. His mom!

OOOOOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: GASP!! Shocking turn of events, isn't it? Well, whatever, I'm going to sleep now, so good night! Oh, and for those waiting for Diplomacy... geez... I better start actually working on the chapters, huh? Anyways, GOOD NIGHT AND SLEEP TIGHT!! (Eriso: Yeah, don't let the RATS bite! AHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!) Yeah... Eriso? You're not funny. (Eriso: U.U I know.) ... Okaaaaaaaay... anyways, new chapter next Sunday! YAAAAAAAAY!!


	5. KaibaII couldn't POSSIBLY be HIM

Life in the Cage

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. It's as simple as that.

D/N: HEYHEYHEY!! I'm back, everyone! And for those wondering about Diplomacy... uhm... I actually tried to post it on the internet. I got 'Page Cannot Be Displayed' a THOUSAND times. Then I tried to email it to you guys. I got 'File Too Large.' THEN I tried to break it up. AND THEN I LOST THE FILE ITSELF SO I HAD TO RE-WRITE THE CHPATER!! (Eriso: That things a jinx, huh?) -.-;; Yeah. So, I'll update when I can. ANYWAYS, on with the StOrY!! Gravyness... I hate people that write like that! LEARN HOW TO WRITE GOSH DARNIT!! (Eriso: And get out of the 'LOL' club! It's HAHAHAAH!! When's the last time you heard someone say 'LOL' when they were laughing?) ... ehehehe... Accidentally. (Eriso: -.-;; Typical you would.) Meh.

OOOOOOOO

Joey grabbed the cage that Kaiba was still firmly locked inside, and threw it under the table, as most people would with a box of book or some 'dirty magazines.' Kaiba, of course, not being a box or a magazine, squealed with shock and pain when his cage hit the wall.

Diane (Was that what I said we'd call her?) walked in, and saw her son sitting at the table reading a magazine. (Eriso: Ooh! Was it a DIRTY magazine? / Qk: Eriso, not everyone reads your type of books. / Eriso: -.-;;)

Joey looked up and forced a smile. "Hi... uh... mom." Joey grinned sheepishly.

Diane looked at him curiously. "What... are you doing in here?" She asked slowly and cautiously.

"Nothing at all! Honest! Now, I think you deserve a nice relaxing bath after such a hard day at work!" Joey said, pushing her towards the stairs. (Eriso: O.o / Qk: The ones that lead UP, stupid! / Eriso: Oh.)

"Uh... okay?" Diane blinked in confusion, going upstairs. "Are you sure nothing's-"

"Wrong?" Joey finished for her. "No, no, nothings wrong at all! Everything's perfectly fine!"

"I don't know... I think something's up..." Diane accused. "I think you're hiding something. You didn't bring in another stray, did you? Because _that_ one will have to go."

"No, no! No more strays! The next pet you see will be a sophisticated one!" Joey replied, and imagined Kaiba fuming at being referred to as a 'pet.' "Go on upstairs!"

"I have to make dinner anyway," Diane told Joey, trying to go back downstairs. Joey blocked her path.

"Tell ya what! How about _I_ make dinner tonight?" Joey suggested. Diane stared at him in disbelief. "Don't worry, mom! Everything will be fine!"

"I don't know..."

While Joey was busy trying to persuade his mother to get out of the way, Kaiba was busy trying to get out of the cage. Unfortunately, rats didn't have opposable thumbs, and thus, was having great trouble. Besides, if he couldn't even lift a strawberry - a _strawberry_ for God's sake! - then what _real_ hope did he have against reinforced duct tape that Joey simply _insisted_ upon using?

"Damn cage door..." Kaiba griped. "I _told_ that dumb mutt that this was a stupid idea!"

"Allow me to aid you in opening that cage." An all-too familiar voice said, slyly. (Eriso: Wow. I never knew that was a word. / Qk: It's spelt so stupidly. S-ly-ly? DUMB!!)

Kaiba looked away from the door, into the same, ominous eyes he had just recently encountered.

"W-What do you want from me?" Kaiba jumped back, completely freaked out that underneath the tablecloth, this creature's eyes glowed so brightly that he couldn't even see the actual creature itself. "Who are you?"

"I believe I already told you what my purpose for being here was." The voice chuckled eerily. "As for who I am... well... I suppose that the very least I can do is let you know just who is going to take your life." The eyes were approaching the cage. "My name... is Razatul."

The name sent shivers down Kaiba's spine. And knew that they for good reason.

"Now, young one." Razatul said. "Be silenced, and give your life to me..."

OOOOOOOO

Joey sighed, happy to have finally gotten rid of his mother. Walking back to the kitchen, he lifted up the tablecloth when suddenly-

Something shot out from under the table and bolted away from sight.

Joey jumped back and fell onto the floor, stunned. After a moment, he got up and looked into the cage. At any other time, he would've burst out laughing from the sight, but then he remembered that he too had a spontaneous and immense wave of fear run through him as that... _thing_ flew by.

Poor little Kaiba was under the dish that had the food in it. He had flipped it over, and was hiding under like you would with a blanket. Joey actually felt a twinge of sympathy for the 'little guy.' It wasn't like he could defend himself against something that was probably three or four times his size when he was in the form of a rat.

"Uhm... Kaiba? It's gone now." Joey said, unsure of how Kaiba would react to that right now.

The dish slowly moved up, and Joey could see Kaiba's head slip under, looking around carefully, until finally he moved out from underneath.

Joey grinned, though he tried to smother it, as he began to remove the duct tape from the cage door. "Kaiba, you look so stupid! You have a huge hunk of strawberry on your face!"

Kaiba responded to this by grabbing the strawberry chunk and whipping it at Joey when he opened the cage door, and began squeaking angrily.

"Oh, quit your whining! You're fine!" Joey rolled his eyes. "So... what happened?"

Kaiba picked up his Palm Pilot (Eriso: No pee - er - PP? / Qk: -.-;; Idiot.) and wrote down, "Someone named 'Razatul' attacked me. Again. I threw the strawberry at him since it was split in half and I could lift it."

"Again?" Joey blinked. "He's done it before?"

"Do you want me to go over the definition of 'again'?" _Yes_, he's done it before!" Kaiba snapped. "He attacked me in the bedroom!"

"In the bedroom..." Joey's eyes widened, as he turned to words the living, which was where this... 'Razatul' fled. "Kaiba! Come here, boy!" Joey called out. And out from the living room trotted the brown puppy, wagging his tail, his face red.

Joey picked him up and studied the red on KaibaII's face. "It's strawberry..." Joey said softly. All at once, KaibaII began squirming and struggling, and snapping his jaws. Joey jumped up, and practically threw KaibaII into the nearby closet, slamming the door shut.

"We're going to need some help!" Joey cried out, moving an armchair to block the door from opening. "Call Yami and tell him to get over here ASAP!"

Kaiba squeaked and gave him a look that clearly stated, "And just _how_ do you expect me to talk to him?"

Rolling his eyes, Joey double-checked that his 'barrier' would suffice for a while. Then he dashed over to the phone and began dialling the turtle Game Shop's number.

After the phone rung for a few times, someone finally answered.

"Turtle Game Shop, how may I help you?" Grampa said on the other line.

"Hi, Gramps! It's Joey! Can you get Yugi for me please?" Joey said, trying to speak as slowly as possible.

After a moment or two, a small voice was heard, "Hello?"

"YUGI!! OHMIGOD-YOU-HAVE-TO-COME-DOWN-HERE-AND-BRING-YAMI-BECAUSE-I-HAVE-TO-SHOW-YOU-GUYS-SOMEHING-THAT'S-SO-CREEPY-IN-EVERY-POSSIBLE-WAY-AND-IT-ALL-STARTED-WITH-THIS-DOG-I-FOUND-AND-I-SAVED-FROM-BECOMING-COMPLETELY-SQUISHED-ON-THE-ROAD-FROM-A-TRUCK-WHEN-I-WAS-WALKING-HOME-FROM-SCHOOL-AND-THEN-"

"Joey? Joey? Stop! Slow down!" Yugi told his friend. "I can barely understand you! What's this about a dog... ?"

Joey took a deep breath and began again. "Ok, Yugi, I found this dog on the street coming home from school..."

OOOOOOO

_I was so close..._

_I missed my chance once again._

_He has interfered once again._

_My own protector will be my undoing._

_I should get rid of him._

_But that will take too much time._

_Something I am running out of._

_I need to move fast._

_I need my life._

_What is that noise?_

He_ is speaking to someone..._

He_ is going to bring help._

_If _he_ does, then I shall be unable to replenish my life._

_I cannot transform someone else._

_I am too weak._

_I _must_ obtain this one's life!_

_I cannot fail again!_

_They will let their guard down..._

_My protector will slip up._

_And then I shall strike._

_I shall be powerful._

_I will complete my work._

_But I must hurry._

_Time is of the essence._

_I cannot run out of it._

_I must try again._

_And _this_ time..._

_I will not fail._

OOOOOOOO

"So..." Yugi said on the phone. "Kaiba's... a... rat?"

"Yes!" Joey replied.

"And you think your dog has magical abilities?"

"Yes!"

"And you think your dog turned Kaiba _into_ a rat?"

"YES!"

"Joey..."

"Yes?"

"Are you sure it wasn't a dream?"

Joey sighed angrily. "Just _get over here_!" He growled, and slammed down the phone. Joey sighed again and sat in a kitchen chair. "I think he's on his way. He better be anyway."

Kaiba raised his Palm pilot up to Joey again. "Do you think there's a way to change me back?"

"I hope so." Joey said. "Buuuuuuut... let's say I'm wrong. You can always chill in that cage!"

"_I am not living in a hamster cage!!!_" Kaiba snapped.

"Ok... I think there's still a giant doll-house that looks like a castle in the garage..." Joey shrugged. "It's pretty big. You want that instead?"

"... Is it pink?"

"I think it's blue, white and green."

"... I guess it'll do. For now."

Joey rolled his eyes. "Glad I could please you."

"You should be."

Joey leant forward in his chair. "Ok, so, once Yugi and Yami get here, they _should_ be able to find a way to change you back. I mean, Yami's magic right? And that Millennium Puzzle of his gives him freaky Shadow Magic powers, right?"

"He _better_ be able to change me back..."

"That's the spirit!" Joey grinned. "Well... I guess all we do now is wait."

OOOOOOO

_What was that name?_

_What did _he_ say?_

_Who is coming?_

_I am not sure of what he said..._

_Or perhaps I am, but are simply reluctant to admit it?_

_That must be it._

_For I am sure I heard the name._

_The name of the person who condemned me to this fate..._

_To walk around the earth's surface, without a purpose..._

_Except to seek revenge._

_If he is coming, then I shall have it._

_But I cannot gain my revenge if I am still in this weak state._

_Sooner or later I will have to shed this form._

_But to do that, I must gain life._

_I will send my Protector to aid me._

_My Protector will distract them._

_And with that task, he cannot interfere._

_And then I shall obtain life._

_And then I shall have revenge._

_And then I shall rule._

_As soon as I destroy the one who is on his way._

_Yami._

_He shall be killed._

_Along with the one who stopped me._

_How convient._

_They will both be here to kill at the same time._

OOOOOOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: Hehehehehehehe! I bet you're all hating me now! I also bet that I can finish this story off in less than ten chapters! Last time I did it in what... 14? I remember why I wrote this story! YAY!! I ALWAYS LOVED IT!! HURRAH!! Uhm... ok, no. UPDATE!!


	6. A Story and a Curveball

HEEGLE HIGGLE HIIIIIIIIIIIGLE!! YAY!!

Disclaimer: No, no, no, no, no, no, and for the last time, NO!! I don't own YGO!! GEEZ!!

D/N: BUWNNNANANANNANANA!!! ... I mean, BWUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHAHA!! Geez, I've been typing 'n' or 'm' instead of 'h' a lot lately... I think it means something. Ok, so WHATEVER!!

Yay! I finally get to respond!:

HarUwHiTe2blAcK: Trust me, you are not annoying. ERISO is annoying. You aren't. (Eriso: AHHHHHHH!!! FLAME SWORDSWOMAN SAID 'LOL'!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) ... Like I said...

Silverdemon171: I know! Nothing will ever top Diplomacy! :'( And why do I only write YGO fics? Uhm... well... I dunno! What else would you want me to write?

Flame Swordswoman: (Eriso: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NO MORE LOL!!) ... LOL. (Eriso: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! **Faints**) ... Well, if I knew by saying that you'd faint, I'd have done it long ago!

Mandapandabug: Oh, no, I don't mind abbreviations, just so long as you don't put them in stories. Eriso just doesn't like em at all. Be sure to shout LOL in your next review! (Eriso: **twitches**)

Congratulate me! I found a use for **bold**!

Note: The cast knows that there's a Ryou and Bakura, a Malik and a Marik, and a Yugi and a Yami. Oh, and this chapter is gonna seem sooooooo Mummy, but it's really not. (Eriso: Suuuuuure it isn't.) ... And can someone look up suture for me?

OOOOOOOO

Once upon a time... The End!

OOOOOOOO

D/N: XD I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT!! (Eriso: -.-;; Typical life goal...) ... But enough stalling! On with the actual chapter!

OOOOOOOO

"So, where exactly are we going?" Yami, in his spirit form, asked Yugi.

"We're going to Joey's house." Yugi replied. "They're having problems with a new dog or something."

"They?"

"Yes, Kaiba's over at Joey's house." Yugi said, walking around the corner onto the next block.

"And what, may I ask, is _Kaiba_ doing over at Joey's house?" Yami questioned suspiciously. "Their relationship, last I checked, was _not_ at the point where they would willingly spend time with each other. In fact, I seem to remember them doing the exact _opposite_."

"Well, it isn't really their choice." Yugi shrugged. "You see, they have to work on a project together. It was going alright, I guess. I mean, they're both still alive, so that's good, but then Joey's dog somehow changed Kaiba into a rat and was continuously attacking him."

"A rat?"

"That's what I heard."

"How fitting."

"Yami!" Yugi scolded. "That's not a nice thing to say about Kaiba, regardless of what you think of him!"

"But Yugi..."

"Or how true it may be..."

"Welcome to the dark side, Yugi." Yami smiled. "I hope you have a pleasant stay." Yugi just laughed to himself.

OOOOOOOOO

Joey was pacing around on the floor in front of Kaiba. KaibaII had stopped thrashing around in the closet, and had become eerily quiet. Joey wasn't sure if that meant the dog had hurt himself or had escaped, but he definitely wasn't checking. If KaibaII had enough power to turn Kaiba into a rat in a _neutral_ mood, Joey _hated_ to think what would happen if he summoned his magic now, especially after leaving him in the closet for over an hour.

'What's _taking_ so long? Yugi should be here by now!' Joey thought to himself. 'I mean, I know it's practically 11:00pm right now, but still! He should've been able to get out of the Game Shop with Gramps' permission!'

The doorbell broke into his thoughts. "That's him!" Joey cried out happily, as he ran to the door, whipping it open. "Yugi! What took you so-" Joey suddenly yelped and jumped back in utter shock, for the person standing at the door was _not_ Yugi - no where _near_ - but instead...

"Are you just going to stand there gawking at me like the impudent mortal that you are or are you going to let me in?" Bakura growled. Pushing past Joey, who was still in utter shock over the appearance of the Tomb Robber, he raised his Millennium Ring in front of him.

"Now, Razatul... where are you hiding?" Bakura muttered to himself, as his Ring began to glow and the spokes begin to move. "Ah. So you're in _here_. Hiding from me, eh? That won't work, I'm afraid." Bakura grinned to himself, as he began moving towards the closet, which was where the Millennium Ring was pointing to, pushed away the 'barrier' and was about to open the door when he was suddenly stopped by someone.

A very _small_ someone, that you're already quite familiar with.

Bakura laughed long and loud at this sight. "Well, well! It seems the High Priest has finally taken the form of a much more suitable creature!" Bakura snickered, grabbing Kaiba quite tightly and raising him in front of Bakura's face. "And how did you get this way, Priest? Did you accidentally stumble upon your ancient magic from another time?"

Kaiba squeaked furiously at him, until Joey came and snatched him out of the Tomb Robber's grasp. "Hey, leave him alone!" Joey scowled, plopping Kaiba back onto the coffee table that he was previously resting upon.

Bakura raised an eyebrow in amusement. "And what is this?" His grin grew. "Have you become the Priest's protector? Perhaps things will play out again as they did before." He paused and thought to himself, grasping his Millennium Ring and staring into it. "That would be very... interesting. And it would make my job so much more easier."

"_What_ are you talking about?" Joey demanded to know. "And what are you doing here?"

"I'm talking about the incident that occurred in Egypt 5000 years ago that led to Razatul being in his current... state." Bakura smirked. "As for what I am doing here... Well, I can't have one as powerful as he free to roam the streets and possibly interfere with my secret plans, now can I?"

"Oh, no, we can't have that, can we, Tomb Robber?" An angry joined the conversation, as Bakura leisurely turned to face Yami, who had apparently let himself in. "And what, pray tell, would your plans be?"

"Well, Pharaoh," Bakura rolled his eyes. "If I told you, they obviously wouldn't be secret anymore now would they? No, I think I'll keep that information to myself. You'll learn of them soon enough."

Yami growled deeply at him. The sound was enough to keep Joey quiet. "What are you doing here, Tomb Robber?"

"I believe I already answered that question, Pharaoh." Bakura said, turning back towards the closet door. "Besides, I wouldn't complain if I were you. Truly, I am the only one who can stop this little... inconvenience since your memory is quite clearly diminished. I wouldn't antagonise me, if I were you. I may just decide to leave."

Yami opened his mouth to speak but Joey beat him to it. "Just listen to him for a little bit, Yami." Joey pleaded. "Who knows how powerful this guy is?" He eyed the closet. "So... if Bakura's no help, then he leaves."

Bakura's eyes narrowed. "You are in no position to be telling _me_ what to do, _mortal_. I would suggest you keep your comments to yourself. Your skills will not be necessary _this_ time." Joey merely blinked in confusion at Bakura, while he reached for the doorknob once again.

"What are you doing?!" Joey cried out, trying to stop him before he opened the door. But he was too late, and Bakura had already wedged the door open. Joey held his breath as all four peered into the closet. It was completely destroyed. Everything in there had scratch and teeth marks embedded in them, and not a single thing was left unscarred. But perhaps the most intimidating thing was the fact that the closet was completely-

"Empty." Bakura growled, slamming the door in fury. His eyes then automatically began scanning the room. "He's escaped somehow. I should've known. His power is as strong as ever. Most likely stronger, since he has had over 5000 years to train himself."

Curiosity finally got the better of Joey, and he blurted out quickly, "Is Razatul the spirit of a Millennium Item?"

Both Yami and Bakura's gaze fell upon him, and utter silence nearly deafened him, but finally Bakura said, "He... no. He was being punished for a terrible crime, but something went wrong and left him endowed with Shadow Magic. Eventually he was able to harness those powers to extract life from others in order to make himself seemingly immortal."

Joey looked at Bakura curiously. "Crime? What did he do?"

Yami sighed impatiently. "We don't have time for this, Joey."

Bakura smiled to himself. "I should think you'd want all the information you can get from me, as it will assist you greatly in the near battle against Razatul." Bakura sat down upon the chair that was closest, as Yami and Joey sat down as well.

"Long ago," Bakura recited, "The land of Egypt was a rich and prosperous paradise. Magic of all sorts ruled the laws of the people, and the people themselves. Almost all persons were taught magic, except for foreigners and slaves for fear they would cause trouble, and rank in the social classes were dependant on the amount of magical power and knowledge of Shadow and Light Magic someone knew.

"Now, the social classes were divided into four categories: The Magical Elites -the class your beloved Pharaoh belongs to - who knew practically all of the secrets of both Light and Dark Magic, the Mages, who were knowledgeable in the art of magic but not so much as the Elites, the Magicians, who were only introduced to a very small portion of magic - the peasants and young - and finally, the Foreigners, who - since almost every drop of magic was located in Egypt - knew next to or absolutely nothing about magic.

"It just so happened that Razatul was a Foreigner who came from a land long forgotten and travelled to Egypt in search of a better life. Unfortunately, most Egyptians saw little or no use for those who were unable to perform even the simplest of spells, and so Razatul was forced to beg like a dog searching for a scrap of food.

'How fitting.' Kaiba thought to himself.

"One day, when he was as close to death without actually being so from lack of food or water, a young maiden came across him. Her soft heart instantly ached with sympathy for Razatul, and she took him into her care. Now, it just so happened that this young maiden was the daughter of a very powerful Magical Elite, one who's power rivalled that of your little rodent there, and thus, she was very well instructed in the way of magic. Light Magic, actually, for her tender heart saw no need for the outbreaks of violence that Shadow Magic caused.

"So, upon Razatul's awakening from his pained state, the maiden began to teach him the ways of Light Magic, so he would be able to heal not only himself, but others, and be able to devote himself to being a healer, like she was. Eventually, Razatul grew strong in magic, and soon saw the need of healing powers, and soon began to learn more and more about the ways of Light Magic. As a matter of fact, after people got over the fact that they had never seen or heard of him before, the Egyptians began to believe he had lived in Egypt all his life, and was treated with great respect. In fact, he was quickly immersed in the Elites once word got out about his spectacular healing abilities.

"However, one fateful day, an outburst broke out between the Magicians against the Mages and Elites. They demanded to know why they couldn't be introduced to more magic to aid their dying crops and thin livestock, or why the Mages of Elites couldn't help them. Once again, the maiden's gentle and caring nature came to the rescue, as she travelled from farm to farm, doing the best to could to summon the healing rains during the droughts, and curing the ailments of the cattle.

"Almost at once, the Pharaoh and Elites dismissed all thoughts of further distress, for they sent more Mages forth to aid the Magicians in their 'time of need.' Unfortunately, they were greatly mistaken in a further decision, for soon some of the Mages decided that this could become very profitable. They began taxing the Magicians to pay for the Mages' services. This, of course, resulted in greater turmoil, and the renewed demands for the Magicians to learn simply how to make the rain fall when need and to cure their dying livestock.

"The Pharaoh made the one _smart_ yet hasty decision in his reign, and quickly rid the taxes on the Mages' services. This, however pleasing to the Magicians, was greatly looked down upon by the Mages. Some of the Mages had abandoned their previous duties to devote themselves to aiding the Magicians, and thus, were out of work. The Mages demanded that the Pharaoh return the right to charge the Magicians, and the Pharaoh, out of fear the Mages doing more damage than the Magicians, complied to their demands. This, in turn, angered the Magicians, whose numbers vastly outnumbered the Mages and Elites combined, and, if they combined their magic in a certain way, could do great amounts of damage.

"And so began the never-ending cycle. The Pharaoh would constantly give and then take away the rights to aid the Magicians for money, for it seemed nothing could please either side. The Elites did their best to help the situation, but it seemed nothing they did worked. It came to a point where full-out war broke out between the Mages and the Magicians, and soon the Elites were quickly divided between the two groups.

"By the time the entire escapade was over with, with the Mages being given back their former occupations and the Magicians allowed to study a touch more magic, severe damage had been done to the once prosperous land. The country fell into great debt, as they struggled to rebuild by hiring many to come work for them. Finally, the kind-hearted maiden herself took it upon herself to assemble a crew of Elites and Mages to work without wage to use their magic to rebuild the city. Razatul helped by healing every person he came across, and thus, became freely accepted throughout Egypt.

"However, one day, one tragic, tragic day, something went horribly wrong. The maiden was busy inspecting the work of the building that had been repaired, but unfortunately, a very young and new Mage had been sent to work on it, and pushed something barely an inch too far. But that inch did a lot in the long run. Because of the great height, the overlapped inch grew to a foot, than a metre, than two metres, and increased the higher up it went. While the maiden was checking the structure, she noticed this, and set about fixing it.

"Unfortunately for her, she agitated it a little too much, and soon the entire building collapsed in on itself, crushing her and killing the maiden instantly. The land of Egypt wept for the loss of the maiden, for she held a special place in each civilian's heart. But no one mourned the death of the maiden more than Razatul himself. He tore down the streets of Egypt and bolted into the destroyed building, where he saw men uncovering her corpse under the debris.

"He summoned all of his Light Magic and nearly killed himself from expending too much energy trying to revive her, but you cannot heal the dead. Finally, Razatul gave up, and the maiden was taken away to be mummified. Razatul sunk into depression, unable to grasp the realisation that the maiden, who had cared for him so tenderly, gave him a new life in Egypt, and who he had begun to fall in love with had been taken away from him so suddenly. So he dedicated the rest of his life to trying to find a way to revive her." Bakura paused, as Joey had a clear expression on his face signifying that he wanted to say something.

"So, it was kinda like Pegasus' life story, right?" Joey asked. "I mean, he was in love with some chick and married her, but she died, right? And then Pegasus went and made the Duelist Kingdom tournament so he could try and bring her back, right?"

"In a way, I suppose it would be like Pegasus' situation," Yami said, thoughtfully, "But Pegasus knew her for a longer time, and therefore had a longer time to fall in love with her. Razatul must have had a very strong bond with this woman in order to be so traumatised when her death arrived, seeing as how he knew her for only a short while."

"A very short while. Only a few weeks, actually." Bakura told them. "I apologise for making it seem as if the events happened in months or even years, but it was barely a month."

"The girl must've had some serious effect on Razatul then." Joey pointed out. There was a small pause. "So... uhm... go on, then."

Bakura nodded, and then resumed his story. "As I said before, Light Magic has its limitations, for once life is extracted from a body, then Light Magic has no effect on this. Razatul was overwhelmed by this, and isolated himself from every other person as he mourned for the maiden's death. Then it came to a point where his mind slowly slipped away from him, and soon after, he began to wander the streets.

"The same people who had treated him so kindly before now fled from him, for the look of insanity was clearly in his eyes. However, there was one person who dared to approach him, who, ironically enough, has his reincarnation here... however repulsive his form is now." Bakura's piercing gaze fell upon Kaiba, as the room fell utterly silent.

Kaiba then began to squeak and shake his paw, which was apparently supposed to resemble a fist. It wasn't nearly as intimidating without a thumb, by the way.

Yami and Joey smirked at each other. "I'm guessing he's trying to say that he still doesn't believe in those 'fairy tales.'" Yami laughed.

Joey looked - amazingly - thoughtful for a moment, as he said, "So, I guess Kaiba, if the rest of this story plays out like I think it will, you brought this on yourself!"

"What goes around, comes around!" Yami began laughing hysterically now. "The first rule of karma."

"You two also played a very important role in driving Razatul over the edge." Bakura simply shrugged. Both shut up, and just blinked at him, while Kaiba 'laughed' to himself. "Now, will I be continuing my tale or shall I just sit here listening to your annoying peals of laughter?" Kaiba fell silent. "Good.

"When the High Priest learned of Razatul wandering the streets, he saw it as a threat to society, and of course, went to go speak to Razatul to find out exactly what was occurring. Razatul was obviously very eager to talk to someone, for before the maiden's death, he was withdrawn into himself and reluctant to talk to anyone, though most jumped at the chance to talk with someone as powerful as he.

"Upon hearing Razatul's sad story of the pain he had endured, the High Priest - surprisingly enough, and very... different from his usual nature - took pity upon him and let it slip out that while Light Magic effected only the living and soulful, Shadow Magic ruled over the dead and mindless, therefore he could, when trained to perfection, learn to revive a corpse. But the High Priest was also quick to relate the great warning of the spell: the one he intentioned to bring back would be nowhere near what they were like in life.

"Razatul however, in his haste to be reunited with his lost love again, gave no heed to the Priest's warnings, and demanded to be taught how to conduct Shadow Magic. And so, he was instructed in the ways of the unholy magic, and once again, proved to be a very competent learner. So competent, that he had surpassed greatly the expectations of the High Priest, and was soon ready to revive the lost maiden. However, Razatul's power had vastly exceeded the usual limits of what was normally expected of an apprentice, or any wielder of Shadow Magic or magic in particular, and thus, made the greatest mistake that still has yet to be surpassed.

"The maiden was buried with her hundreds of loyal servants all mummified around her, so as Razatul was reviving _her_, his increased power began to have an effect on _them_. Quite quickly, he saw his beloved awaken once more, and rushed to her, but the High Priest's words held true, for she was not the kind and caring person she what was, but now an undead monster.

"The undead maiden quickly knocked Razatul aside, for he was completely traumatised as to what had just happened. And soon, her servants began to awaken. The maiden ordered the complete destruction of Egypt, and almost immediately, she and her servants had her tomb completely destroyed.

"Word was eventually relayed to the Pharaoh and the Elites when the maiden began terrorising the citizens, and soon after the Pharaoh dispatched his Elites and Magicians to aid the country and stop the undead maiden, but in the end, it was futile. The spell the High Priest had taught Razatul had made it so only the one who revived the corpse would be able to control it. Now, if Razatul had felt shocked and traumatised before, just imagine what he must've felt now."

"How would he have been able to come out of that sane?" Joey asked.

Bakura glowered at him. "Well, _mortal_, if you'd shut-up for more than a few moments, I'm sure you'd have your answer, now wouldn't you?"

"Bakura..." Yami growled.

Bakura smirked and continued. "Actually, he didn't. In the end, Razatul was forced to destroy his beloved in order to save Egypt. Unfortunately, his sane and rational mind was completely gone by now, and out of anger and sorrow he attacked the Pharaoh and his followers. As a matter of fact, he would've won, if it weren't for the incident that occurred."

"Incident?" Both Joey and Yami asked in unison.

Bakura opened his mouth to speak, but a wild bark and sudden squeak of surprise from Kaiba echoed in the room. The three managed to see something grabbing Kaiba, but a flash of utter darkness blinded them before receding. Once the darkness vanished, however, a new threat arose.

There, in ceremonial robes coloured brightly in red, violet and green, stood a man with dangerous and icy amber eyes. With his sandy hair and tanned skin, he reminded the group of Marik, if not for the fact that this man was much older and looked as if he had been starved for life. Which, in fact, he had been.

"I always told myself that I would have my revenge against the High Priest, and I have." The man grinned and laughed maniacally. "Now, Pharaoh, it is your turn."

"Razatul." Yami uttered.

Joey glanced at both Bakura and Yami quickly. But their glaring expressions weren't what startled him.

There, tugging on Razatul's robes and growling furiously, was KaibaII.

OOOOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: OH!! OH!! I BET _NONE_ OF YOU SAW THAT COMING!! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! I AM CLEVER LIKE A BILLY GOAT!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!! (Eriso: Gotta admit, she had me going there.) AHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA!!! YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS THE DOG!! WELL THAT WAS WHAT I WANTED YOU TO THINK!!! SO I COULD LAUGH AND SAY YOU WERE _WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!_ (Eriso: O.o Whoa... Calm down there!) BWUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHHAHA!!! ... Oh, and don't forget to review! Until next week!


	7. Questions Answered as a New Problem Aris...

I HATE BEING SICK!!

Disclaimer: Glag-glag blurg shoobie-doobie. Yeeeeeeeeeeahh... Anyways, I don't own YGO.

D/N: GAH!! Sorry I took so long to update, everyone. I'm sick. I'm very... very... sick. :( Everyone feel sad for me and cry. CRY!! (Eriso: Too many pills for you.) EHEHEHEHHEHEHHEHE!! Pills make the sky turn BLUE!! (Eriso: ... Just don't respond and back away.) Anyways, I'M SICK!! Just thought you'd like to know, and I'm gonna be ranting about it for quite some time. That, and I DID POST THE NEW CHAPTER, but silly Fanfiction didn't post it on the website. BLAME THEM!!

Fanfiction: WHAT WAS THAT?????

I said you were the greatest people in all of mankind!

Fanfiction: Well, DUH!!

ME WRITE TO REVIEWERS AND NESS... yes... ness.... EHEHEHEHEHHEHEEHHEH!!!:

Silverdemon17: Oh, it's ok, you're forgiven and all is well again. Blah, besides, I've decided not to finish Diplomacy. DON'T HURT ME!! I know, I know, 'tis a sad day for us all... BUT THAT'S OK!! Oh, and the other animes I like would be... uhm... .hackSIGN, Sailor Moon (Eriso: XD AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!) ... Quite... and.. uhm... a bunch of other so can't remember right now because I'm sick. But I also like Legend of Dragoon and Starcraft... so that's good... and ness... can't forget the ness... Oh, and don't worry, I love long reviews!

HarUwHiTe2blAcK: GAH your penname is SO hard to write. O.o CURSE ME?? OH NO!! Hehe! Kidding! It's ok! We all want to yell at FanFiction for depriving us of my beautiful story... (Eriso: ... riiiiiiight... ) I'M SICK!! Just so you know. AND MY SHOULDER HURTS!! (Eriso: O.o LOL... how I hate the LOL-ness... oh you'll pay... I'LL MAKE YOU PAY!!) Someone's been eating my pills again... (Eriso: But they just taste so good! XD) -.-;;

...: XD What a creative penname! Aw, come on! You've got to give yourself more credit and make a penname, anonymous or not! I'm sorry if I sounded mean BUT BEING SICK does that to you sometimes. Oh, don't worry, all will be explained soon enough... oh yes... it will be. (Eriso: Less pills, Qk. Much less.) And who says he was talking about Joey? Hehehehe... I'm so clever and mysterious-like...

Hazel-Beka: BWUAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAAHHA!! I know, I'm so cruel with leading everyone to expect it to be someone else... you know, that sentence doesn't make sense right now... hmm... But anyways, like I said, all will be revealed!

Flame Swordswoman: I'm glad you liked it! It took me like... 3 hours to write! No, I'm joking... it wasn't anymore than 2. XD I'm so funny... (Eriso: GAH!! WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME SO?? WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS SAY SUCH CRUEL AND MEAN THINGS TO ME?? HUH?? HHUUUUUUUHH??????) ... lol. (Eriso: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!)

Himawari: XD Mr. Fred-Sir joining in! You know, I may just make him randomly pop in and out... that'd be fun... But alas, I will not be continuing Diplomacy. :'( EVERYONE CRY!! Because that was THE greatest story on the net. Well, the greatest in my category. Hmm... Razatul actually does seem a lot like Voldemort... Only difference is that Voldemort sounded smart. I mean, Razatul does too in the beginning of the chapter, and then he just gets... weird! :S Ah yes, Bakura is a good storyteller... But aren't all sadistic, homocide-bent freaks? (Eriso: **paints a picture of the world being devoured by the sun. **Isn't it beautiful?) Eriso... the a circle with two arrows coming out of it... Which looks SO wrong, BTW. (Eriso: U.U Sorry. Oh, and by the way, JINKJINKJINKJINKJINKJINKJINKIES!!! OH!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SO MEAN AND JOINING THE LOL CLUB!!) ... Jink. Hmm. ANYWAYS...

OOOOOOOO

MY HEAD HURTS!!

And I'm sorry Razatul talks so old fashioned, but hey! Once you gain an accent, it's nearly impossible to lose it! And I base that on absolutely nothing!

OOOOOOOO

Joey took a step back, completely stunned. "But... I thought... you..." He shifted his gaze from Razatul to KaibaII, then back to Razatul once more.

Razatul just chuckled to himself and shook his head. "I know what you're thinking. You thought I was this little mongrel." He looked at KaibaII. "That's what I wanted you to think. This dog was my scapegoat. He kept you distracted while I got close to the Priest."

At this, Joey instinctively glanced down at Kaiba's rodent form. He wasn't moving, and Joey really didn't want to check if he was breathing. He'd lose his lunch if Kaiba was what he thought he was, archenemy or not.

Bakura looked at Razatul and said to him, "Your powers have increased, have they not?" Razatul simply smirked at him and nodded. "If that's the case, why do you need to draw life from others? Why can you not make yourself immortal?"

"Ah... I see... So it's answer you want." Razatul smiled thoughtfully to himself. "Well, I suppose I can at least answer your questions before you die. Besides, I enjoy telling a good story every now and then. I so rarely get a chance to do so, lately. Well, I suppose you may as well make yourself comfortable, since we'll be here for a while."

Razatul's eyes began to glow a fierce red, as a cloud of darkness surrounded the small group. Joey felt something slither over his wrists and ankles, binding him, and pulling him down onto what appeared to be a rock in the shape of a chair. When his eyes finally adjusted to what little light there was he saw that they were _definitely_ out of Domino City.

The landscape was like a barren wasteland that was bathed in blood-red light. A scant number of leafless and dead trees dotted the sooty ground, as a jagged mountain or two disrupted the completely flat area.

"Where are we?" Joey asked.

"Is this the Shadow Realm?" Yami wondered.

"Obviously not, you fool! The Shadow Realm would have _shadows_!" Bakura snapped. Both he and Yami were also tied down to rock-chairs.

"I couldn't have put it better myself." Razatul grinned, standing before them. "As you can see, this is nothing like the Shadow Realm. This is _my_ realm. I created it, and based it upon the pain inside my heart."

"That's kinda pathetic..." Joey muttered. No sooner had he said this than a cold, steel blade was brought to his throat.

"You." Razatul lowered his voice. "I would tread lightly, for you are walking on, as you mortals say, thin ice. You are the reason all of this has occurred. I would be careful what I said if I were you. I will have nothing on my conscience if I drag this knife across your throat." Razatul removed the knife that was there, and stepped away. Joey let out a quick breath of relief.

"What will happen to Seto Kaiba?" Yami demanded to know.

Razatul rolled his eyes. "Pharaoh, for one who was so revered for his great intelligence back in Ancient Egypt, it seems almost insulting now that you can't figure this out." Razatul snorted in amusement at Yami. "There's only so many things that _could_ happen once life is stripped of you."

There was a deep silence that followed this remark, until Razatul began laughing. "You fools! You're all so easy to trick! Fear not, worthless scum. The High Priest's great knowledge in Shadow Magic made him think to put a spell on himself back in Ancient Egypt. No one and nothing can take his life prematurely. He will always begin to heal."

That took a load off Joey's conscience. "So he's alive then?" he asked, hopefully.

Razatul smirked. "Did I say that? Yes, I suppose I did." Razatul nodded. "However, I _was_ able to find a little loophole. I simply took all of his life except one drop. If he loses that because he is too weak to sustain himself, then that will be considered death of natural causes. So, in a way, yes, he has died."

"As much as I hate the High Priest," Bakura butt in, "I think I despise you even more. So know this, Razatul. I'll simply have to revive him, get him to take me here, and then dispose of you myself." Bakura's Millennium Ring flashed, as a wave of darkness, even darker than Razatul's little cloud, engulfed him and then receded, leaving only the echo of his last, taunting words: "Ta-ta!"

Razatul's eyes flashed with immense anger, but suddenly left. Instead, he began to laugh once more. "The _fool_!" He said. "So he has a way to escape my realm, has he? By returning to the Shadow Realm and then going back to your realm is a very clever idea, and I must say, I am quite impressed by that one. Unfortunately, there is a grave flaw in his plan." He grinned wickedly at both Joey and Yami. "He left you two here. He should've taken you along, but no! He thought he could return using the High Priest's magic! How unfortunate that he should be the wielder of such immense power, and yet the knowledge to _unlock_ that power lies dormant in the recesses of his mind!"

"I shouldn't wonder if Bakura realized that and left anyway..." Yami muttered under his breath.

Joey, despite his fear of getting another knife to his throat, managed to build up his courage and ask, "I thought you were my dog, but you weren't. What-"

"Ah, yes! What previous form had I obtained?" Razatul interrupted, and began pacing back and forth, still holding the knife in his hands. "Well, if it's answers you want, it's answer you shall receive." His hands began to have a red aura glowing quite visibly around them, as he summoned up a throne made of rock for him to sit upon. (When you write Razatul's accent, it's kinda hard to avoid words like 'upon.' You just get in the mood to write old-fashioned!)

Getting comfortable, he said, "It's quite simple, really. Before, I was always in my human form. However, one day, I got into a bit of turmoil with a man whose name really doesn't matter. The details as well do not pertain to my answer, just know that he was the reincarnation of a Magical Elite who had also placed a few anti-magic spells on him, so he would always be safe in his other lives. Clever bastard. So most of my spells had no effect on him. He was in an angered state, so I did the only thing I could do. I ran. Eventually, however, I realized that I had nowhere else _to_ run, and so I had to resort to other methods..."

"You turned yourself into an animal." Yami finished for him.

Razatul nodded. "Good boy, pharaoh! I see a 5000 year sleeps hasn't dulled your keen mind!" Razatul chuckled to himself for a moment, in a way that brought back Joey's memories of Bakura saying he wasn't completely right in the head. "And so I did. A very wise move, as I quickly lost the man who was after me. However, I foolishly forgot how much energy I needed to perform such an enchantment, and, therefore, I needed to get some life-nourishment."

"But that still doesn't explain what animal you-" Joey tried to say.

"Shut-up, boy! I'm getting to that!" Razatul snapped, in a voice completely opposite to the calm and collected tone he was using just seconds ago. And almost just as suddenly, he switched back to that smooth voice. "Now, in order to do so, I had to pick my target carefully. I needed someone who had their guard down, and someone who wouldn't be expecting an attack from an animal."

"Kaiba." Joey said.

"Well, actually, I was talking about you, you lesser-minded fool. You were wide open!" Razatul smirked. "However, you were out of the room at the moment, so I had to settle for the High Priest. At first, I tried to perform the life-extracting spell immediately, but I failed to do so. It finally came to me that I had to force the High Priest into the same situation I was in."

"Which was?" Joey finally asked, since Razatul had paused.

"A rat, Joey." Yami rolled his eyes. "Razatul was a rat as well."

"Oh." Joey shrugged. "Well... how come if _you_ were the one attackin' Kaiba all the time, KaibaII was always there? Huh? Explain _that_ one!"

"Heh. Boy, it seems as though you want this to pinned onto that little mongrel." Razatul said, then looked thoughtful. "Hmm... It seems as though that's a little too harsh of words for one who protected me as a scapegoat. But anyway, back to my rebuttal. Ah, child, you seem to think that my powers had left me since I became a rodent."

"Well, didn't they?" Joey asked.

"Idiot boy. Of _course_ my powers were still with me!" Razatul shook his head with disgust and frustration. "How else would I have changed the Priest into a rat if my powers had left me? _Think_, boy!"

"I have a _name_ you know!" Joey snapped.

Razatul smiled a smile that seemed to reflect the insanity that was himself. "And one that I fully intend to avoid using, _boy_. Now, if I may continue... ?" Joey merely growled in response, as Yami remained silent, watchful. "Good. Now, as I said before, my powers were _not_ gone, and were indeed very useful at the time. I managed to, at the last second, transport the dog to the scene of the crime every time you appeared. I also kept myself concealed from view, so the Priest could inform you that it was your dog when the time came if I failed and needed someone to pin the blame on."

"But... how did..." Joey thought for a moment about how to word his question. "If it was you the whole time, and you attacked Kaiba when he was in a cage-"

"Kaiba was in a cage?" Yami blinked.

Joey grinned mischievously. "Yeah. He wouldn't co-operate though, so I sorta threw him in-"

"Your _question_ please!" Razatul snapped, impatiently. "I'm doing you a favour by not killing you and leaving you in suspense. Ra knows I hate when that happens. It just starts getting good and then suddenly it's over, leaving you with great suspense of what happened after."

OOOOOO

THE END!! No, I'm kidding! XD Sorry, I just wanted to do that REAL bad.

OOOOOO

"Uhm... ok. So, if it was you, and Kaiba threw the strawberry at you... then how did that strawberry get on _KaibaII's_ nose?"

Razatul rolled his eyes. "The High Priest may have placed powerful anti-magic spells on himself, but he failed to do any that would protect his mind. I easily infiltrated it and made him _think_ that happened. The weak fool couldn't even lift it, no matter _how_ many pieces it was in. All I had to do was fiddle with his memory, grab a chunk of the fruit, and then squish it on the dog's nose. Quite simple, really. But then, aren't the greatest things in history done by the simplest things?"

"But... when he came in and I said that it must've been him and then he started barking..." Joey was completely confused.

"Ah, that's something different altogether, boy." Razatul chuckled to himself. "You see, your dog simply did not like me. So, all I had to do was make an appearance. Then your dog began to bark, as if defending itself from any harm you may do to it." Razatul stood up. "Ah, that was a nice little chat. Is everyone satisfied?"

"Why? What's gonna happen if we are?" Joey asked curiously.

Razatul's yes widened with delight, his eerie smile spreading from ear to ear. "Well then, boy, we'll have to move to phase two of my master plan."

"Which is?" Joey persisted.

"Ah! We're going to play a little game!" Razatul giggled, almost exactly as a cartoon villain would. "The winner gets the chance to leave and do whatever he pleases! And the loser? Well, there's only so many things that a loser in a game of survival can do when he's defeated..."

Joey blinked. The words were completely lost on him, but the meaning was clear. "Erm... well, in that case, I've got a few more questions..."

"Ah, questions, questions. _What_ time consumers!" Razatul shook his head. He giggled again. "What's the matter, pharaoh? _Rat_ got your tongue? Hehehehehe! Rat... I've gotten clever over these years!"

"You've become insane." Yami retorted.

Razatul waggled a finger. "Become? Become? I always _was_ insane! Everyone is insane on one level or another! Actually, I think you're just as insane as me, only you hide it better!"

Yami looked as if he were about to say something, but clamped his mouth shut.

"Aww... The pharaoh can't think of anything witty to say back... Well, that's expected." Razatul shrugged, continuing to pace around. "A 5000 year sleep is bound to leave you groggy and craving for more. But don't worry. Soon you'll have all the sleep you'll ever want! Maybe even _more_ than you bargained for!"

Joey struggled very hard to not let out a whimper as Razatul's knife grew into a very long sabre.

"Who wants to carve the turkey? I DO!!" Razatul cackled.

OOOOOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: Razatul's a freak, isn't he? He seemed somewhat... intact at the beginning of the story, and then he just got completely creepy and -ness... Yes, well, just be glad that he isn't real. (Eriso: Or IS he? DUHN DUHN DUUUUUUUUUHN!!!) Hm. You need to shut up now. (Eriso: OKIES!!) AHA!! NOW WHO'S SAYING OKIES?? Oh my gravyness, I was reading Love Hina the manga, and Kaolla's like 'OKIES' when they're describing the self-grading process of some test thing... Yes. I just thought you'd like to know, for those of you who've read the manga. Mm-hmm... READ THE FANTASTIC FREAKS!!!


	8. Swords and Rats and Magic, Oh my!

In for a world of HURTY-NESS!!

Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. There. I'm done. **leaves**

_D/N: Yeeeeeesssssss... I'm sorry I took so long to update, but my FREAK FATHER thought it'd be FUNNY to go and disconnect my computer screen and then HIDE THE CORDS!!! Plus I was also suffering from severe writer's block. So, sorry. But, I'm updatin' now, SO EVRYONE BE HAPPY!! Oh, yes, and I've decided that it's much too difficult to write two stories at the same time... SO, I'm putting the Fantastic Freaks on hold until this story's completed. Oh yes, and I'm working with different fonts to try and make different sections of the footnotes stand out! Hmmm... do you think I should maybe but the review-responses at the bottom? (Eriso: See, _that_ is a better title, instead of that little nut-job BWUAHAHAHHAA thing ya got going down there.) Yeah, well... SHUT UP!! . _

**BWUHAHAHHAHAHA!! I like responding to my responders who respond in respond windows aka review thingies... yeah...**:

The Duelist of the Rose: O.o (Eriso: o.O) O.O (Eriso: Wow... Qk... someone actually likes your stories enough to hang onto them!) - -;; Eriso... I'm gonna take that as a compliment... be smart and shut up now... (Eriso: OKAY!! :D) Rose, if you could get me those chapters back, not only would you be a perfect angel, but you'd be the saviour of Diplomacy! AND GET A NICE MENTION!! YAY!! :D THANK YOU SO MUCH!! XD But I can't send you an e-mail just yet, because the end part of your email isn't on the review... I think Fanfiction deleted it... :S So are you at hotmail or MSN or that new one... gmail, I think it is. And sorry if you think there's a bit too much swearing in this! :P I just think Joey should spontaneously gain a potty mouth for some reason.

SuperMilkChaun: YAY!! A newcomer! Welcome to the little club of 'Reviewers of O.D.a.M!' (Eriso: O.D.a.M... that's exactly what I was just thinking...) - -;; First rule of the club, ignore her. At all times. And I'd love to tell ya how it all ends, but you'll just have to wait and see! (Eriso: - -;; You make it seem as if it's going to be a treat to read this story... RUN MILK!!! RUN!!) - -U

Flame Swordswoman: XD OMG!!! CONDENSED MILK!! AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHA!!! No, I never tried that, BUT THAT'S JUST SO FUNNY!!! XD I'm seriously laughing! That was just so random! XD Kudos to you, my friend! Kudos to you!

Mandapandabug: BWUAHAHHAHAHHAHAH!! I didn't respond... and the reason was... I don't like you. BWUAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!! No, I'm joking! XD Sorry I didn't respond! :P I get very... uhm... well... I miss a lot of things! **Plane crashes through window and goes on a rampage throughout house** And yes, I'm ever so glad that I'm not sick anymore! YAAAAAAAAY!! Oh, don't worry, everything will be answered... I've got this little idea running through my mind that'll take things is a VERY different direction than when I first wrote this story, but the ending will still be along the same lines. As for Kaiba, no, he's not dead. (Eriso: ... Yet...) TRY IT AND I'LL KILL YOU!!!! (Eriso: ... It's a hard life. **runs off**) . DANG IT!!! And Razatul won't say Joey's name because Razatul's a freak with no life. :P

Hazel-Beka: LIFE ENERGY IS LIKE SUGAR???? WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (Eriso: O.o) Okies, I'm done! XD Believe it or not, Razatul's NOT on sugar high. He's just freakishly insane. XD Kinda like you, Eriso. (Eriso: Oh, HAHAHAHHAHHAHA!! OH MY GAWD, QK!! THAT'S JUST SO _FUNNY_!! HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO THINK _THAT_ ONE UP?? HOW MANY LATE NIGHTS WERE YOU UP TRYING TO THINK OF A FUNNY LITTLE CATCH PHRASE JUST IN CASE YOU WERE EVER IN THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION AND NEEDED A CATCH PHRASE HANDY??? BECAUSE THAT'S JUST SO _FUNNY_!!!) ... Yeeeeeeahh... shut up. (Eriso: Oh, AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!! THAT ONE WAS EVEN BETTER!!!) THAT'S IT!! **smashes on head with hammer** (Eriso: x.X I've learned my lesson.)

The Reviewer Formally Known as "...": I'm glad you took my advice and picked a username! WHY IS IT SO LONG????!!!! AND CONGRATS ON NOT CAPITALISING 'AS'!!! That's such a common mistake, and it just annoys me to no end. XD Oh, yes. Joey will be demonstrating his little 'protector' role later. And as for his actual _role_ in the previous fight against Razatul... well, let's just say that it'll be taken up this chapter. Ehehehe... And the guy Razatul was fighting... he was just a random guy I dug up out of a hole. :S (Eriso: I was WONDERING where I stuffed that dude...) O.o ANYWAYS, Serenity will be of some use. Maybe. Perhaps. No, not really. U.U :P But I wasn't really - I mean, RAZATUL wasn't... **shifty eyes** - talking about JOEY. It was KaibaII!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Sorry for the long update, by the way! Or should I say.... BTW??? (Eriso: O.o **faints**)

HarUwHiTe2blAcK: . NOW I LIKE WRITING YOUR NAME OUT!! THANKS A LOT!!! And thanks for the compliments! I always try my best! (Eriso: God... it's like you're on a commercial to tell people to always try hard in everything!) - -;; All I said was 'I always try my best...' (Eriso: STILL...) Yeeesss...

_OO -Note: - -;; My dad decided to finally take an 'interest' in my stories, and therefore became quite 'offended' because he saw that I had used the term 'Dark Magic' for the magic that killed people and stuff, and 'Light Magic' for healing and purity, etc., etc., and then got on one of his annoying kicks about how that was so racist and blah-de-blah-de-blah... I kinda zoned out after a while... But anyways, I just wanted you to know that if there are any Über-Non-Racists out there who are reading this, good for you! Keep fighting the good fight, my friends! But classifying the two types of magics as 'Light' and 'Dark' are not meant to be 'terms of racial discrimination.' (Eriso: Nice.) Thanks. I am born into a - despite how others may see this as racial - family consisting of a white mother and black father, so I'm a mix. Ergo, I technically can't be racist, or else I'd be beating myself up, and I find that to be quite a stupid thing to do. SO, all-in-all, don't start panicking cause you think the EVIL MIXED LADY said that Dark Magic is bad therefore black people are going to kill you all. No, of course not! It's just a term to describe the two types of magics. In fact, just to further show my 'regrets' to any 'overly-sensitive' people who get upset at the Disney villains' attire as they're plotting something evil, I may most likely go back and switch 'Dark' back to 'Shadow,' cause I think I used it once and then switched to Dark... hmm... So if I get any complaints regarding this... then... well... GO CHOKE ON AN ORANGE!! Oh that's right... an orange... and so help me, it will be green... ­-OO_

**OOOOOOOOOO  
**

Bakura was back in Joey's kitchen. No one was home. That was good, because it would be a little hard to explain why a sudden burst of darkness appeared in the kitchen, went away and then he why he had suddenly appeared. Of course, he'd probably just send them into the Shadow Realm to save some trouble, but that would only lead to future consequences... But as it was, no one was home.

Bakura went out of the kitchen and into the room that they were in before, looking for Kaiba.

"Here, ratty-ratty-ratty-ratty-ratty..." Bakura called softly. "Here, ugly-smelly-stupid-ratty-thing. Where are you, you good for nothing piece of junk?" A weak squeak came by his feet. Bakura looked down, and saw Kaiba. "So, there you are, High Priest. All is well, I presume?"

Kaiba looked at him, and despite his weakness, still managed to pull off a rather intimidating glare... for a rat, anyway.

"Come now, Priest. I'm here to help.I believe I can find a way to get you back on your feet. All four of them." Bakura grinned, picking up Kaiba and placing him on the table. "Now... let's see... I _know_ learned at least a bit of Light Magic! Hmm... ah yes! Now, Priest, this may sting a little..."

Somehow, even in Kaiba's state and his great desperation for help, that didn't give him any reassurance.

**OOOOOOOOO**

Razatul's sword swung up into the air, his insane cries of glee echoing in the air. Joey cringed, and closed his eyes, when suddenly he heard Razatul say, "Hmm... that's not a good way to end a party."

Joey slowly opened his eyes, to see Razatul swiftly bring his sword down. Luckily for him, however, or perhaps, not so luckily, Razatul cut him free, and then destroy his sword.

"Why should I spoil this so suddenly? I mean, I've only been planning for this moment for thousands of years." Razatul grinned. "I should be savouring this moment..."

'Oh, here we go...' Joey thought to himself. There were two ways this was going to end: a) Razatul was going to come up with an elaborate plan to kill them but it would miraculously fail and enable him and Yami to escape to safety, or b) Razatul would come up with an elaborate plan to kill them.

"I'm going to give you a chance to escape." Razatul said suddenly. Joey blinked. _This_ was not expected. "Provided, of course, you pass may little challenge."

'That's more like the evil, bad guy lingo I know...' Joey sighed inwardly.

"What challenge do you speak of, Razatul?" Yami asked.

"Just a little sword-fight, dear pharaoh. Just a little sword-fight."

**OOOOOOOOOO**

"Alright... now... let's see if I remember how to do this right... Oh, _stop_ panicking! A mis-chanted Light spell won't do you any harm! ... Unless a word or two makes it a Dark spell... Priest, will you _stop_ squirming? I was joking! Light and Dark spells are very different words!"

Bakura was busy ordering poor Kaiba around, who was now bound and glued onto a chalk pentacle,as Bakura had gotten tired of constantly trying to catch the rat who was - surprisingly - quite agile in his weakened state. Something told him that the things he was saying wasn't help him relax anymore. Maybe it was because he tried to kill Kaiba on several other occasions... But bricks were just so irresistible, and Kaiba was just _asking_ for it!

"Calm down, Priest!" Bakura snapped. "If I miss, you'll regret it! A Light spell takes a lot out of a Dark Castor!" Bakura closed his eyes, as Kaiba had _finally_ stopped squirming, and began to chant in the ancient language.

'He's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me...' were the words going through Kaiba's mind.

Suddenly, Bakura's eyes grew a fierce blue-white, as the pentacle that Kaiba was bound to's outline burst into white-hot flames. Kaiba... squealed in fright, and he struggled more than ever, but the flames had already engulfed him.

Finally, Bakura's eyes reverted back to their usual brown colour, as the fire disappeared. Bakura smiled at Kaiba. "Well, it seems my little spell serves a double effect."

**OOOOOOOOO**

"You want... to sword-fight?" Joey blinked.

"Yes, that's right." Razatul grinned. "Now, who wants to fight me?" His eyes switched from Joey to Yami and back again. "You do, of course. Let's go, boy. We've a fight of the century to attend to!"

Joey sighed. One thing he noticed about Razatul was that he constantly switched between being sane and rational, to thoroughly _nuts_, then back to be logical and calm once more! 'Just pick a personality...' Joey thought to himself, bitterly.

Razatul lowered the chains that bound him (XD Mega L.o.D flashback!) and summoned a ring by outlining its boundaries with - what seemed to be - a chain of light... which was kind of ironic since this guy specialised in _Dark_ magic, and he was using this chain of _light_ to mark the place where Joey would most likely _die_. Joy.

"Hurry up, boy." Razatul growled, when he noticed that Joey was very non-subtly hiding the fact that he wasn't in much of a hurry to enter the ring. "I can't exactly kill you if you aren't here."

Joey sighed again.

"Trust in yourself, Joey!" Yami's voice called out from behind him. Joey stopped and looked at the pharaoh with the most sceptical face he could muster. "Believe in the Heart of the Cards, and they will guide you to victory!"

"Yami... I'm not exactly playing _Duel Monsters_, here!" Joey snapped, then turning his back and walking into the circle, that tiny burst of anger giving him the courage - and stupidity - to walk faster into the ring.

Unfortunately, he didn't notice this until he was finally inside.

Razatul held out his hand, as a silhouette of a sword of darkness materialised. Finally, once the darkness vanished, and the long, metal blade was exposed, Razatul handed the weapon to Joey, who reluctantly picked it up. It was a long steel blade with hieroglyphs filled in with blue ink. The hand had a cloth wrapped around it for grip, and it also bore the colour blue. It was a simple design, but Joey knew somehow that this sword enchanted, and could almost feel the ancient magics stirring from their 5000 year sleep. The sword felt strangely smug in his hand... Almost as if it was made for him...

"That sword belonged to your ancient self 5000 years ago." Razatul told him, almost as if he was reading his thoughts. "_That_ was the very sword you bested me with." Razatul held out his hand again, as a much larger form began to appear. "And _this_..." Another sword, much larger, with the edge outlined in red -though with ink or blood, Joey wasn't sure which, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know - and had a thicker, more flourished handle. It too had symbols on it, though only five. Joey's had markings on both sides of the blade running right up and down.

"_This_," Razatul went on, "is the sword I had when you defeated me! But do not think yourself so lucky this time, boy. I've had millennia to practice, whilst you have laid dormant, letting your skills slip away. How unfortunate for you. But not for me." Razatul pointed the sword at Joey. "And now, boy, the time has come to right the wrong I made before by going after the pharaoh first, and leaving his little swords-master free to roam the streets."

Joey cringed and forced a nervous smile, as he reflexively took a few steps back. "H-hey now! Don't you believe in second chances?" he asked.

"Of course I do." Razatul smirked, holding his raised sword up in the 'ready position.' "I'm getting mine right now." And with that, Razatul lunged.

**OOOOOOOO**

"I'm back..." Kaiba said slowly, in total disbelief, looking at his hands and finally realising just how grateful he was to evolution for giving him thumbs. "And I'm still wearing my clothes!"

"Thank whatever God that did that..." Bakura muttered. "Your clothes must have transformed into your fur during your little... predicament. Anyways, Priest, I believe we have a pathetic pharaoh and his minion to save. And a little nuisance to be rid of as well..." The Millennium Ring began to glow. "Alright then! Let's be off!"

Kaiba narrowed his eyes at the Tomb Robber. "I'm not going anywhere with you." He snapped. "Especially not to wherever Wheeler and Yugi were whisked off to."

Bakura shook his head. "It's not like you have much choice, anyway. And besides," Bakura looked thoughtful, "It's not a guarantee we'll actually get there. I've got to whip up a few spell-trackers in order to follow Razatul's path. And I'll be needing some of your magic abilities to help me with that as well."

"I am _not_ going to help you, and I am _not_ going anywhere with you!" Kaiba growled, turning to leave. Bakura grabbed his arm. "Let go of me!"

"Tsk, tsk, Seto Kaiba!" Bakura smirked. "The pharaoh's pet spent all that time guarding you from that wretched little dog of his, and _this_ is how you repay him? By leaving him to die?" No response. "And what did I say before? Ah yes... You don't have a choice, Priest. I need you right now." And with that, a cloud of darkness swirled over them, and whisked them away to the Shadow Realm, Kaiba choosing to yell some not-so-nice words at the top of his lungs.

**OOOOOOOO**

Joey barely managed to lift up his sword to block Razatul's vicious attack. A great clash of sparks flew from the connection of the two swords, as Razatul stepped back, preparing to lunge again. Joey jumped back as well, his arm still suffering from blocking that first attack.

'If I'm getting ready to throw in the towel after the _first_ hit, how am I gonna beat this guy at all?' Joey thought to himself, frantically.

Before he had a chance to think any further, Razatul leapt forward again, his sword raised, set to come crashing down on Joey's head. Joey was about to reach up to try and block again, but at the last second Razatul swung his sword, aiming for Joey's leg. It was sheer luck that Joey managed to trip over nothing and fall on his butt, narrowly missing a leg. (If that sentence structure makes any sense at all, tell me now.) (If you saw any point in writing that previous A/N, also tell me now.)

Razatul backed off for a moment, allowing Joey to - ungracefully - get to his feet, and said to him, "It's hard to believe that _you_ were the one who defeated me 5000 years ago. You can barely stand on your two feet, let alone actually mount an attack."

"Yeah... well... At least I'm not... uh... old!" Joey snapped, trying his hardest to make that sound as intimidating as possible, in which he failed miserably.

"With age comes wisdom, boy." Razatul smiled slyly. (I HATE THAT WORD!!)Then he placed the tip of his sword into the ground and rested on the hilt. "And since I'm such a fair person, I'll give you a fighting chance. You're free to try and attack me."

Joey hesitated. Razatul was definitely planning something - that much was obvious. And it was obvious that Razatul had the upper hand in this match, since Joey knew absolutely nothing about swords. So Razatul must be just playing with him... Edging him on until he could do something drastic... It was like he was waiting for some special moment when he could just leapt out and yell, "SURPRISE!!!" while chopping Joey's head off and feeding it to a dinosaur and then spit into Joey's neck and...

'Okay, a little off track there...' Joey thought. Then he took a deep breath, raised his sword, and ran forward, trying to successfully hit Razatul.

"What an... expected move... for an amateur." Razatul smirked, dodging at the last second, twisting around and slapping Joey forward with the flat of his sword. And of course, Joey fell flat on his face.

Groaning, Joey staggered up. "I am _so_ not doing another project with Kaiba again." He muttered. He looked at Razatul, who had settled a little whiles off, still resting on his sword. 'Okay, so he wants to humiliate me first. _Then_ kill me.'

Lifting up his sword with great effort, as he was already getting exhausted despite how short this 'fight' was, he charged forward again, trying to pull off the same stunt again.

Razatul rolled his eyes. "Idiot." He said, lunging forward this time, his sword outstretched and aimed at Joey's heart. "Good-bye, boy."

But suddenly Joey twisted his body, jumping past the oncoming sword, and using his own to make a - not very deep, because he missed somewhat - gash in Razatul's cheek. The madman cried out in pain, jerking his arm back, colliding his elbow with Joey's face, knocking him to the ground.

Razatul held up a hand to his face, then looked at it. Seeing the blood on his hand (Ewww... I'm graphic! XD Not really... no... U.U) enraged him. He whirled around to face Joey, who was still on the ground, dazed by Razatul's surprising strength. Razatul's eyes blazed a fierce red when Joey lifted his head up to look at him.

"You..." Razatul snarled, but then suddenly calmed right down into that eerie rational side of his. "It seems I have underestimated you, boy. Your ancient skills are re-awakening. In that case, I have no choice but to kill you right away instead of prolonging your defeat. No point in replaying that... incident... that happened so long ago."

"Incident?" Joey grunted, climbing to his feet, only to have to stumble back onto the ground as Razatul came at him with a flurry of slashes. "What did I do to deserve this?" Joey said to himself, doing his best to save his neck.

**OOOOOOO**

Yami, on the other hand, was watching this fight take place from afar, as he was still bound. 'I've got to do something! Joey won't be able to keep that up for much longer!' he told himself, struggling to get loose. 'Damn Tomb Robber... Ran away when we actually _needed_ him... I knew he couldn't be trusted.'

"The moment I get my hands on that bloody Bakura..." Yami growled, when suddenly a flash of darkness erupted next to him. "GAH!!" The pharaoh jumped... well, _tried_ to jump back as far as he could.

"Now, now, pharaoh." Bakura raised an eyebrow at him. "It's not nice to think bad thoughts about people behind their backs."

"Like that stops you?" Yami muttered. "Untie me!"

"Well, isn't that just like you, pharaoh? Always ordering people around, aren't you?" Bakura rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. I'll untie you... eventually." The semi-albino spirit looked around. "Is that the idiot mortal fighting Razatul?"

"He's not an idiot." Yami said, still trying to get out.

"It doesn't really matter if he is or isn't. What matters is if he can just keep Razatul distracted long enough..." Bakura trailed off.

Yami's eyes widened. "Is that Kaiba?"

"Yes."

"Why isn't he moving?"

"He was being a bit... uncooperative when we got to the Shadow Realm." Bakura shrugged, dropping Kaiba on the ground. "I had to kill him."

"WHAT?!"

"Relax, I'm joking." Bakura smirked. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a few things to prepare."

"Like what?" Yami asked.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Like a picnic. What do you think?" Upon no response, he snapped, "I'm whipping up a spell to kill Razatul."

"You're going to kill him?" Yami's eyes widened.

"What did you think I was going to do? Smack his hand and send him on his way?"

"Well, no... Maybe seal his spirit somewhere and keep him contained..."

"Pharaoh, that never works. Somehow the bad guy always gets loose sooner or later and continues to wreak havoc on the world. If we just kill him, then we don't run the risk of having him return and do this all over again." Bakura reached into a bag that was now there because I said so, and pulled out various odds and ends. "Now if you'd be so kind as to _shut up_, I'd like some quiet to concentrate."

Yami sighed, and turned his attention back to the fight between Joey and Razatul. Putting his faith in Bakura was _not_ something he envisioned doing one day, but seeing as there was no other choice... 'I just hope he doesn't make me regret this...'

**OOOOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

D/N: YAY!! I finally updated! DON'T HURT ME!! **Hides under a stack of spaghetti.** Yes, so, anyways, HAVE A NICE NIGHT, AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS!! :D


	9. The Reincarnation of Gaelia

Deft and Daft are TOTALLY Different, Y'know!

Disclaimer: I do not-

Tristan: I WANNA DO THE DISCLAIMER!!

Disclaimer: O.o What the heck are you doing here?

Tristan: I WANNA BE THE DISCLAIMER FROM NOW ON!!

Disclaimer: What! No!

Tristan: I'LL FIGHT YOU FOR IT!!

**Epic battle begins**

**D/N:** Riiiiight... Ignore that little... predicament up there. - -;; Tristan's just being Tristan. And since no one's saying it, I'll say it. I don't own YGO. There. :D Anyways, sorry about the very long delay (yet again) but it' crunch time at school right now. I'm workin' hard at exams. - -;; Five bucks says I repeat like every course there is. ANYWAYS...

**I'm BACK IN BUSINESS and chattin' with my reviewers!!!:**

Seshygrl321: :D I'm glad you like it so far! Don't worry, there's more to come!

Hazel-Beka: You guys, be _very_ glad you are no where near Joey and his little sword thing. They say the one thing worst than meeting a skilled swordsman (or woman) that could slice your head off in an instant is meeting some guy off the street who has no idea what to do with it. AND YOU NEED PSYCHIATRISTS TOO?? That is SO awesome! Me too! :D My first one is called Mr. Bumblebee, my second is called Mr. Jukebox, and my third is called Mr. Carpet! I talk to Mr. Bumblebee whenever it's summer, to Mr. Jukebox whenever I go to a 60's diner, and Mr. Carpet whenever I'm rolling on the floor! We can be... Psychiatrist buddies! :D (Eriso: O.o Run, Hazel! Run, Beka! Save yourselves!) ... That wasn't very nice... (Eriso: I'm not very nice.) Clearly.

Flame Swordswoman: OMG!! Over the Christmas Break, I tried some condensed milk! THAT STUFF IS AWESOME WHEN YOU PACK IT WITH SUGAR!!! (Eriso: She packed the can so full of sugar, she had to dump out all the condensed milk to fit more in!) :D Don't worry girl! I'm practically a porker too! Though I've no idea where it all goes... I'm very thin for some reason. :S

The Review Formally Known as "...": XD Poor R.F.K.a."...", no one ever makes your username-choosing easier. It's okay. I feel for you. You see, that's why I stick with a nice two-letter username. And since they're letters, no one ever tells me it's not a real user name! Why not try... hmm... ooo? Or oOo? Or something like that. No one complains if it's letters! :D I'm _reeeeeaaaaallllly_ sorry about the long wait for the next chapter. I'm tryin' hard to get them up A.S.A.P! Bear with me, hun! :D And _thank you_ for agreeing with me about Yami and his 'Heart of the Cards' obsession. I mean, really! Tea has her friendship speeches, Kaiba has his stick-up-his-butt ness, and Yami has his Heart of the Cards rants. Aaaaand... I think this technically counts as 'sooner than last time.' Heehee... my apologies!

**OOOOOOOO**

This wasn't nearly as bad as he thought. Fighting a 5000 year old freak with a grudge against him with some ancient sword that was supposed to be his that he used to kick this guy's butt before... It wasn't _nearly_ as hard as he thought. For one thing, he wasn't cut to ribbons yet. He didn't have very many scratches or bruises. Very many. As in, only a _couple_ thousand.

"Hold still!" Razatul snarled, slashing at Joey's right shoulder.

Joey instinctively side-stepped it, managing to slap Razatul in the face with the flat of his sword. Razatul growled, and jumped back a few feet, rubbing his face.

Joey grinned. This was _easy_. Here he was, fighting some 'swords-master' old guy, with Yami screaming in the background at Bakura, and Joey, who had never held a sword in his life - well, _this_ life anyway - was beating him! Or, at least, not dying.

"You insufferable, pathetic, _stupid_, little boy!" Razatul growled, before raising his sword and charging forward again.

"You forgot 'amazingly talented with a sword'!" Joey laughed, parrying Razatul's sword away. And he didn't even know what a parry _was_!

'I'm not even fighting! I'm just sorta standing here and the moves come to me!' Joey thought excitedly to himself. 'I know what he's gonna do before he does it, just by the way he angles his swords, the way he steps, the way he tilts his body... This is _awesome_!'

Razatul leapt forward again, as Joey began to brace himself for an attack from the top. Razatul raised his sword, but, much to Joey's dismay, suddenly spun around and slashed Joey's left side instead.

Letting out a yelp of pain, Joey lurched back, clutching his side, having to switch his sword to his left hand in order to do this.

Not a good move, on his part.

"Idiot." Razatul sneered, before lunging forward, sword raised.

Joey looked up, a bit dazed from getting hit so suddenly, and realized a split second too late what he had just done.

"Uh-oh." Joey managed to squeak out.

**OOOOOOOO**

"Tomb Robber..." Yami said deeply, while the swords of Joey and Razatul were clashing.

Bakura didn't respond, just kept mixing things in a little bowl he had stol - er - _borrowed_ from Joey's house.

"_Tomb_ Robber..." Yami repeated, a little louder, and a little more angry.

Still nothing.

"_TOMB ROBBER!!!_" Yami roared, causing Kaiba to jump and scream and run away under a little bush that randomly appeared cause I said it did. Ha ha, no, I'm just kidding. But he was really loud.

Bakura looked up casually. "What?"

"Are you planning to untie me at some point in time?" Yami demanded.

Bakura looked at him, and at the bonds that held him. "No." he replied, then resumed his work.

Yami growled and muttered some very not-so-nice words under his breath, and looked at Kaiba who had woken up not too long ago, and was sulking in silence. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Kaiba raised an eyebrow.

"Well, aren't _you_ going to untie me?"

Kaiba looked over at Bakura, who looked up long enough to shake his head slightly and smirk, and then resume his task. "No, I'm not."

Yami narrowed his eyes. "Since when did _you_ start listening to Bakura? Or _anyone_ for that matter?"

"Since he became the only person who can get me out of this stupid mess." Kaiba smirked. "And besides, if I don't listen to anyone, I don't listen to you. Therefore, I can't untie you."

"That's a _very_ stupid reason." Yami snapped, but fell silent for a while, his eyes straining to see Joey and Razatul's fight. Joey wasn't dead yet, so that was good. "Joey may be killed in that fight, Bakura."

"Mm." Bakura grunted, not paying any attention.

"That could ruin everything."

"Mm."

"If you untie me, I could help Joey. That could buy you more time."

"Mmm..."

"_BAKURA!!!!_" Yami roared.

Bakura looked up. "What?"

"If you untie me, then I can prevent Joey from being killed!" Yami repeated, quite agitated now.

"My, you have such faith in the skills of mindless peons." Bakura smirked.

"Joey is _not_ mindless!" Yami snapped, completely disregarding the word 'peon,' "And I have complete faith in him! It's just that he's never _used_ a sword before. He could get hurt."

"Relax, pharaoh. His ancient talents are reawakening once more. He'll be perfectly fine." Bakura said simply. "And besides, if I were to let you go, _you'd_ do more damage than you could prevent. So I think I'll leave you right where you are now."

"And supposing a stray bolt of magic aims right for me, and I'm unable to run?" Yami persisted. "You'll have that on your conscience till the end of time!"

"I'll risk it, pharaoh." Came the reply.

Yami swore loudly in Egyptian, and turned his head to looked at Kaiba, but he was mesmerised with the fight that was raging on a way off.

"Besides, _you're_ not the one who's supposed to be helping the boy." Bakura said.

Kaiba and Yami both turned to look at him at this.

"I'd run if I were you, Kaiba." Bakura told him. "I think it's about now you make your great appearance."

Kaiba hesitated. "What am _I_ supposed to do?"

"Just go, and you'll find out soon enough." Bakura grinned, oddly amused. And that was _never_ a good sign.

Kaiba sighed in doubt, but ran off towards the ring.

"And so, the events of 5000 years ago fold onto this time, as the incident which caused the downfall of Razatul appears closeat hand." Bakura said.

Yami looked at Bakura. "How long did it take for you to think _that_ one up?"

"About thirty minutes. It's good, isn't it?"

**OOOOOOOO**

Joey forced himself to move his feet to get himself out of harm's way, but they only responded in making him fall backwards, thus, narrowly saving himself from having his head chopped off. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing that fell off...

"MY HAIR!!!" Joey shrieked, looking at the mound of hair that usually covered his eyes fall between his legs. He nervously reached up to find that it _was_ his hair that was in front of him, as the hair that usually was there was now missing. And so, the mass of his hair previously was now cut in half.

Joey got up, his eyes narrowing. "You're gonna regret messin' with my hair!" Joey said, in a very un-Joey like voice. Raising his sword up, he threw himself at Razatul, slashing and jabbing in a blind rage... over his hair. Don't mess with Joey's hair.

Razatul took full advantage of this, easily slipping behind Joey and slashing him on the back of his leg. As the blond fell forward, he slashed at Joey's back.

Joey was now in some serious pain, but - being a typical... boy (Ewww... boys have COOTIES)- pushed himself onto his feet. Lifting up his sword, with even more effort, he swayed dangerously. Who'd have thought that after a few measly cuts, Joey Wheeler would be ready to call it quits?

"I always knew you were a pathetic fool. The only reason I spared you and your annoying little sister was because I needed a place to stay safely. But now that I have no use for you fools..." Razatul grinned wickedly, as he charged forward at Joey.

But suddenly, Razatul flew backwards, paralysed for a few moments, his body still crackling and surging with the bolt of lightening he had just been hit square in the chest with.

"_Never_ bad-mouth my sister, Razatul." Joey snapped, his sword still smoking from the lightening that erupted from it. "That's a bigger rule than not touching my hair!"

Razatul forced himself to get up, and snarl, "_How did you summon that bolt?_"

"I dunno. It just sorta... happened." Joey admitted, straightening up with some last-reserve energy. "But don't think that means it won't happen again. Lightening _can _strike the same place twice. And it _will_."

Razatul smirked. "Very clever, boy. It seems your powers are almost fully awake. A pity that means this little game of ours will have to end." And with that, Razatul charged forward, his sword lighting up with a blaze of flame, and aimed straight for Joey.

But Joey, being the ever-so-nimble guy that he was, dropped to the ground in time for Razatul to go flying past him, and crashing into the boundaries of the ring, as the Light Magic began to clash with Razatul's Dark Magic, and send great surges of agony throughout his body.

Finally, after a spectacular and eeriely amusing light show,Razatul collapsed onto the ground and didn't move, as the chain of light disappeared. Joey waited, and then finally sank to his knees in exhaustion.

"_Mutt!!!_" Kaiba's unmistakable voice tore through Joey's mind.

Joey looked up weakly at the CEO who was running towards him. Joey grinned. "Hey, you're not a rat anymore."

"No. Bakura fixed me." Kaiba said. Then added, due to Joey's strange look, "I mean, he changed me back." Kaiba looked over at Razatul. "Looks like I'm too late to be of any assistance."

"You're right on time, actually." Joey grunted, struggling to get up. "I'm gonna need some help with these cuts."

Kaiba eyed the various wounds over Joey, then scrunched up his nose and asked, "What the hell happened to your hair?"

Joey narrowed his eyes. "Shut up, Kaiba."

"You _both_ willbe shut up for eternity soon enough." A vicious growl sounded.

Joey and Kaiba looked back at Razatul, eyes widening, as Razatul was getting up, surprisingly easily for someone who had just suffered from that much pain.

"You're still alive?" Joey gasped.

"Of _course_ I'm still alive, you insufferable _fool_!!" Razatul snarled. "Did you honestly think you could be rid of me so easily? I will not fall under the hands of... hands of..." Razatul trailed off, as his gaze fell upon Kaiba, whose eyebrows shot right up in alarm. (XD Nice image for ya there.) "Gaelia!"

"Uhm... what?" Kaiba blinked, stepping back in confusion.

"Gaelia! You live! You look exactly as you did before!" Razatul said in awe, rushing up to Kaiba, and taking his hand, which he proceeded to kiss repeatedly.

"Get _away_ from me you senile fool!" Kaiba snapped, ripping his hand away from Razatul in disgust. Joey grinned, and tried to stifle a laugh.

"Gaelia, Gaelia, do you not see who it is?" Razatul cried in despair. "Do you not recognise me after all these years? Please, my love! Please say you remember me!"

Kaiba's face twisted into a look of utter disgust and hatred. "I remember you. You're the one who changed me into a damn _rat_!!"

Razatul began to look scared and nervous now, and grabbed onto Kaiba's arm. "N-no, my love! That was someone else! I would never do such a thing to you! My love towards you is boundless! I'd sooner leap into an ocean of fire than do anything to displease you!"

"Listen to me, you ugly, filthy, madman!" Kaiba snarled, "If you don't let go of me right now, I swear I'll make sure-"

"Hey, Razatul? I need to talk to your... love... for a few seconds!" Joey stepped in, hastily cutting off Kaiba. "It'll only be a second." Grabbing Kaiba away from Razatul, he pulled him off to one side, with, surprisingly, no resistance from Razatul.

"What do you think you're doing, Wheeler?" Kaiba hissed.

"Will you think for a minute?" Joey whispered back. "Razatul must've gotten hit harder than we thought! He thinks you're that girl he was in love with 5000 years ago! We can get him to do stuff!"

"Do _what_? Until _when_?" Kaiba demanded.

"Uhm... We can keep him busy until Yami or Bakura can think of something to get rid of this guy." Joey said. "We just gotta keep him distracted. Actually, _you_ gotta keep him distracted."

"_How_?" Kaiba frantically asked.

"I dunno." Joey grinned. "Why don'tcha just use your 'feminine charms,' _Gaelia_."

"Don't make me kill you." Kaiba growled. Joey held up his hands in defence. "Well... Bakura's busy working on something to kill Razatul. I suspect it's almost finished by now. I'll see what I can do to keep him preoccupied until he can do something."

"Great! I'll go check on him!" Joey told the CEO.

Kaiba's eyes widened. "You're not going to just... _leave_ me here with this nut, are you?"

"What's wrong, Kaiba?" Joey sneered. "Scared?"

"Of course not." Kaiba frowned. "I just don't exactly see spending time with the freak who turned me into a rat and tried to take my life and who now thinks I'm his girlfriend too high on my 'fun charts.'"

"Kaiba, was that a joke?" Joey grinned. Kaiba growled again. "Okay, okay, relax! Look, I'll only be gone for a few minutes! You can keep yourself - and him - outta trouble for a few minutes, can't you?"

"I suppose I have no choice..."

"That's right. You don't." Joey nodded. "Okay, I'll be back in a bit!" And with that, Joey ran off, leaving Kaiba alone with a crazed-psycho whose eyes had never left him.

Kaiba shuddered, as Razatul strided up to him. 'Oh, God help me...' Kaiba thought miserably to himself.

**OOOOOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Okay, everyone! I've FINALLY updated! Don't you worry though, I should FINALLY have the next chapter up by next weekend/Monday! (Eriso: Notice how she didn't specify the year. Huh? Anyone else see that? Huh? HUH?) I said _next_ stupid! (Eriso: Shut up. Stop being so technical.) - -;; As soon as you quit being stupid. ANYWAYS, I'm really, really, really, really sorry about the long delay, and I hope you all don't pummel me with blue and orange pickles. I'll give you all teddy bears! TEDDY BEARS FOR EVERYONE!! **Throws teddy bears to everyone** :D There we go! Anyway, the little 'GO' button's right there! Ya don't even have to write a long one (though the longer they are, the happier they make ME! :D), just a one or two liner that says something like... "I liked your story. It was good. Update. Good night." Or something like that... Hmm... reading through this, it seems _really _short... Well, if you think it is... TELL ME IN A REVIEW!!! Anyways, ciao for now!! :D


	10. Will Someone PLEASE Untie Yami!

Love Really IS Forever

**Disclaimer**-;; Yes... well... I've sorta lost an epic battle, so from now on, Tristan will be your new disclaimer-person-guy-thingie.

Tristan: BWUAHHAHAHAHHA! I'VE WON! Qk does not own YGO. Or me. Or the right to kill me.

Qk: Says you. DUHN, DUHN, DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHNNNNNNN!

**D/N**: Okay, hands up if you just hate Tristan to no end? Yeah... sorry... :D Anyways, I'm back! And on time for once, too! Heehee... I hope I can keep this up for a bit. Exams are winding down now, so I _should_ be able to. But please don't beat me with a banana cream pie if I don't. Or can't. Whatever. Anyways, I've also decided to put up a little notice. I'll even bold it for you people so you get it. And underline it. And give it that little slant thingie.

**The Review Response Thingie that Goes Up Here:**

**R.F.K.a.'...':** :D There! I shortened your name a bit! Now we can ALL BE HAPPY:P I'm actually surprised you even READ my 'advice' about changing your name. :') I'm so touched! Warm fuzzies for everyone! Sorry about the delay. I'm just very slow. Shut up Eriso. (Eriso: What?) You know what. :D I had that idea of Razatul mistaking either Joey or Kaiba for his old g/f. I just decided on Joey because... uhm... well, I don't know. I just felt like it. Hope it didn't take too long this time :D Hey... waaaaaait a minute... why do you smell like blue and orange pickles...?

**Hazel-Beka: **Hmm... what's a good example for Kaiba's face when he's all shocked and -ness? Well, there isn't really one... You'll just have to use your IMAGINATION! **Spongebob rainbows everywhere** :P Oh, and just you wait and see what happens later! I haven't thought of it yet, but I know it'll be awesome and jaw-dropping! But don't worry, Razatul will pay for touching Joey's hair... Oh yes... He will pay... WOOT! GO HAIR!

**Flame Swordswoman:** I feel your pain about Joey's beautiful hair... Don't you worry! We're going to send a rabid army of purple penguins to attack him:D I'm glad ya loved my graphicness. I'll see what I can do this chapter!

**FireieGurl**:D I'm glad you're liking my story so far! Hope ya keep reading! ;)

**CrossHunt-s:** Oh, thank you, thank you. I try my best. I hope this is a fast enough update for ya!

**mandapandabug:** Ah yes... when I updated quickly... I remember those days... Sorry I couldn't update sooner. :S You should be blessed I updated at all! Yes, that's how slow I am. U.U :D And welcome to the 'We Love Joey's Hair and Now We're Going to Sick an Army of Purple Penguins on Razatul Cuz He's Stupid and Needs to Die Cuz He Destroyed Joey's Beautiful Hair! Club!' And here's your complimentary W.L.J.H.a.N.W.G.t.S.a.A.o.P.p.o.R.C.H.S.a.N.t.D.C.H.D.J.B.H! Club sticker. :D Enjoy!

**Himawari/Prozac pandA:** :D YAY! YOU LIVE! YOU LIVE! Don't worry. I know what you're going through. My dad's trump card is my computer 'privileges.' More like _rights_. I mean, GEEZ. (Eriso: Ingenuity. Hmm. Nice job dolling up the word, but don't you worry! I know you mean stupid:D) Eriso... (Eriso: Yeeeees:D) Shut up. (Eriso: 'Kay!) :D I'm glad you like me! NOW YOU CAN BE MY BEST FRIEND! Ehehehe... sorry... I'm a tad hyper today. (Eriso: A _tad_?) ... What did I just say? (Eriso: ... ) Good girl. And I can't exactly 'enlighten' my dad. He's too fat and stupid. Well, stupid anyway. In the real world. Not in the academic world. In my world he's an idiot. :D And don't worry about the length! The long reviews make up for my missed reviews! I LOVE LONG REVIEWS:D

**Misty:** WOOT WOOT! Go SUSHI-BALLS! XD That was awesomely random! Kudos to you, my friend! And welcome to the Reviewer thingie club. :D (Eriso: I thought it was spelt T-H-I-N-G-Y?) Yeah... Eriso... go spell somewhere else. (Eriso: S-L-Y-L-Y.) I hate you. ANYWAYS, Misty, I hope to see some more of you later:D

**K i k o k e n:** :D I'm glad you're liking it so far! I hope to get some more reviews from you later:D

**Anaraz**: Wow, lots of newcomers today! YAY! Anyways, I hope you're liking the story, and I hope you like this chapter:D

**OOOOOOOO**

Kaiba was in a _perfect_ mood right now. Absolutely _perfect_. After all, why shouldn't he feel so _perfect_? He had a _perfect_ 5000 year old freak who thought he was his _perfect_ long lost g/f, who, by the way, was missing a few _perfect_ screws, got turned into a _perfect _rat and flung into a whole array of _perfect_ events. Avoiding the eerie gaze of Razatul, he briefly lost himself in a whirl of his thoughts, remembering all of the 'joys' that just added to his _perfect_ day.

1) Forced into a project with Wheeler. Bad for a number of reasons...

"My love, how were you revived?" Razatul asked.

2) Forced to _talk_ to Wheeler. Also not the greatest thing in the world.

"Uhm... the... uh..." Kaiba dug into his brain, pulling up all of his wit and cunning to fashion an acceptable reply. "My Light Magic was always very powerful. I was able to create a spell to revive myself if ever this... uhm... situation came up." Yeah, that sounded okay.

3) Forced to go over to Wheeler's house to work on a project. A health hazard right there.

"Ah, yes... Your intelligence was the envy of everyone far and wide!" Razatul praised. "How foolish of me to think you were gone from this world forever. You would have never left yourself unprotected!"

4) Met the mutt's mutt, which was named after himself. That was just _aggravating_. But flattering for the dog.

Kaiba forced a weak smile. How long would he have to do this for? He cringed slightly at the thought, yet Razatul seemed completely oblivious to his discomfort. Maybe that was for the best. Didn't want he suddenly seeing that Kaiba _wasn't_ his dead girlfriend from 5000 years ago. Well, it wasn't like he _wanted_ to be perceived as a female either. It's just that he didn't want to give Razatul anymore more of a reason to come after Kaiba's throat for... impersonating his long lost love, perhaps?

5) Randomly turned into a rodent by Razatul. Wasn't _that_ fun?

"My love, you are quiet in my presence." Razatul said slowly, causing Kaiba to subconsciously hold his breath. "Is it because... you... have moved on?"

6) Chased around Wheeler's house by said freak-of-nature, and nearly caught twice.

Moved on... Hmm... How to reply? How to act? The thought appealed to Kaiba, to just say yes and be done with it. Who knows? Maybe Razatul would be so torn that he'd agree to be Kaiba's personal slave, providing he didn't to return to his... er... senses. Or he'd get angry enough with Kaiba that he'd kill him anyway. Or, Kaiba could say he _didn't_ 'move on,' but that would probably mean having to think up another excuse to explain why he was being so silent.

7) Forced to live in a hamster cage.

Kaiba didn't say anything, just looked at Razatul, like he was the stupidest creature on the planet... or like he was Tea... or Joey... or just plain Razatul. Hopefully, as it usually did with everyone else, it would make Razatul feel like he just asked a very stupid question - which in fact, he did - and make him shut up. But that'd just be too easy, now wouldn't it?

8) Had to be _saved_ by Wheeler twice.

"You haven't, have you?" Razatul's voice went up in panic, as he grabbed onto Kaiba's arm once more. "Out of loneliness? Have you been on your own without me for so long that you had no choice? Whilst it is true that one cannot live without love, you haven't turned your back on me? You haven't forgotten me?"

9) Eventually caught and then 'drained of life.'

"Uh... no, of course not... my... love." Kaiba winced. Razatul's grip was death to his arm. "How could I forget... someone of your... calibre, and intellect and... charm?" He forced a bigger smile. Razatul didn't return the smile, but loosened up a bit.

10) 'Healed' by Bakura.

"You flatter me, my sweet Gaelia." Razatul replied, a suddenly twisted grin blossoming on his face.

11) Dragged to _this_ God-Forsaken place.

'Don't I ever...' Kaiba thought bitterly to himself.

12) Perceived as a girl by Razatul, which was creepy enough with anyone else, but with _Razatul_...

"But your words still sound as though you forget some of me." Razatul's eerie little grin just grew by a thousand miles. "Perhaps we should leave this place, and I shall remind you of some of the great things I did with you whenever we were alone together, my mate." (Yes... I wrote it...)

13) **_Offered to 'hit the sack' with said creepy 5000 year old guy._** (I think we have a winner!)

Kaiba's eyes expanded to their maximum volume, which were, as of right now, the size of elephants. "Whoa, I'm sorry... _WHAT!_" Kaiba shrieked, jumping back out of Razatul's grasp. (Is this getting creepier by the second or what? RUN! RUN RUN RUN!)

"W-what is the matter, Gaelia?" Razatul blinked, confused.

"You are a _very sick man_ and you need to get your head examined!" Kaiba snapped, running the same way Joey went.

"Wait! My love! Why do you flee from me? Do you not love me?" Razatul's pleading voice cried to him.

"No! And I never will you insane fool! You disgust me in every way possible!" Kaiba called back over his shoulder, and - when he looked - saw Razatul tearing after him. This, of course, only made Kaiba run faster.

**OOOOOOOO**

Joey was running towards the two distant little figures that he saw from afar which he assumed were Yami and Bakura. He was thoroughly exhausted, however, and he was quiet close to collapsing. And, as every tired person in every work of fiction known to man, Joey tripped and fell flat on his face.

"Ohhh... that hurt..." Joey grunted, pushing himself up onto his knees. "What'd I trip over anyway?" He looked behind himself and saw a rock sticking up out of the ground. "Typical."

He got up and was about to start running again, when he stopped and looked at the rock again. It wasn't just any rock. It was a chunk of metal! Smooth metal, pointy too, which meant it must have been shaped into something.

"I wonder what it is..." Joey murmured to no one in particular, and grabbed the metal, and gave a little tug, trying to pull it out.

Nothing doing. It didn't budge a bit. So Joey tugged a little harder, only to have the same results. Finally, he simply grabbed onto the rock with both hands and pulled at it with all his might. Well, as much might as he could muster. He was still pretty tired, and it was a lot harder than he thought to pull out a triangle thingie.

"Oh _forget_ it!" Joey snapped, and simply ran off towards Yami and Bakura once more.

'Obviously,' he thought to himself, 'a pointy chunk of metal won't do any good for anyone anyway.' (Truer words were never spoken, Wheeler. THAT wasn't a sentence you'd eat later.)

**OOOOOOOO**

Yami was pretty tired too. He had been tugging at his bonds for what seemed like forever, pausing only to swear and yell at Bakura whenever he lifted his head and snorted in amusement. Yami was anything _but_ amused. How _dare_ some common filth such as Bakura leave the great pharaoh trapped like this? (The title's gone to his head, everyone.) And by a _Tomb Robber_ no less!

Normally, in a situation like this, he'd either talk to Yugi or try to make the best of the situation. He'd even try to do some _breathing_ exercises! But not now. Now he was just too furious that some low-life Tomb Robber was taking full advantage of his misery but constantly snickering at him. He dared any god to make try to worsen his situation.

"_Yami! Bakura!_" Joey's voice called from afar, as the two Yamis looked up at the blond rushing towards them.

Speak of the devil.

Joey finally made it over to them, panting and out of breath. "Guys... I managed to stall Razatul. Any luck with... whatever it is Bakura was supposed to be making?"

"Yes, I'm finished." Bakura pointed to a vial at his feet.

Yami's eyes widened. "You made that twenty minutes ago! What were you working on all this time?"

Bakura smirked. "Future projects and experiments."

Joey broke in as Yami was about to say more. "_Anyways_, how are we gonna get that thing to him?"

"Just make him drink it." Bakura replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Joey and Yami looked at one another and exchanged looks.

"Oh yes," Yami rolled his eyes (he wasn't very happy because he was still tied up), "I can see it now. 'Here Razatul! Drink this! Yes, I know it smells kinda funky, but it has a nice little bang at the end!' It's _foolproof!_"

Bakura glared at him. "Of course we don't just go up and give it to him! We have to be sneaky!"

"So... we run up behind him, grab him, and shove it down his throat?" Joey asked.

"Exactly."

Yami's patience was fast depleting. "Oh, _that'll_ work! Geez, Bakura! When I left you to think up a plan to get rid of Razatul, I knew that you couldn't exactly do your best with the few ingredients you had. But there's a difference between not doing your best and just plain sucking beyond all limits!"

"And what about you, pharaoh?" Bakura snapped. "You thought you couldn't just help out every now and then? But no, the pharaoh was too busy screaming at everyone to untie you-"

"_Which no one did!_" Yami butt in.

"-And because of that, it made you totally useless. Besides, I didn't see you coming up with anything else. So until you can find an alternative, this is the plan, and we're sticking to it. So _there_." And with that, Bakura got up and brushed himself off. "I think now would be a good time to find Razatul. Come, mortal."

"Wait, you're just going to _leave_ me here?" Yami shrieked.

Bakura and Joey just stared at him with blank looks.

"In other words, _untie me_!" Yami snapped.

"Why would we do that?" Bakura replied, a smug sense of satisfaction radiating off of him. (Whoa... where'd THAT come from?)

At this point, Yami had had quite enough, and began to swear loudly and profusely in both English and Egyptian, and started squirming around in the bounds that were holding him.

"Hey, look! It's Kaiba!" Joey pointed towards a small dot that was tearing towards him. "And... I think that's Razatul running after him!"

"Well, then, if he's coming to us, then there's no point in us going to meet him halfway. At this distance, we have a better chance of dodging whatever he sends at us." Bakura shrugged, then raised an eyebrow at Yami. "And if we're not going anywhere, then there's no point in untying the pharaoh since we won't be leaving him alone."

"That's _such_ a stupid excuse, Tomb Robber!" Yami snarled.

Bakura just smirked.

**OOOOOOOO**

'This is the last time I ever do any project with Wheeler!' Kaiba thought furiously to himself. 'I'll pay off the damn teacher! I'll threaten her! I'll get her fired! Killed! But I'm _not_ working with that mutt _ever again_!'

"Gaelia! Gaelia!" Razatul's voice rang out from behind him. "Come back to me!"

'He just doesn't give up, does he!' Kaiba told himself. 'God, is it that possible to hit your head that hard?'

"Kaiba! What are you doing coming back over here?" Joey called to the CEO.

"_You_ try having him want to make out with you every minute!" Kaiba shot back, running behind Bakura and Joey and using them as a shield.

Yami didn't exactly get what was going on at the moment, what with his memory being diminished and Bakura's not, but he decided it would be safer to just remain quiet about all of it.

Razatul was quiet for a moment as well when he caught up to the tiny group. His eyes looked back and forth at all of them, calculating, and finally landing upon Joey. "You did this." He said softly, but viciously.

Joey blinked. "Uh... what?"

"_You did this._" Razatul hissed. "You took my love away from me!"

Joey unconsciously took a step back. "Uhm... no, I didn't?"

"You've taken everything from me, boy." Razatul snarled, his eyes blazing, as he drew his sword once more. "Now we finish this."

**OOOOOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** DUHN, DUHN, DUUUUUUUHN! Eheheh... sorry I took so long to update! I'm getting viciously notorious for doing that, aren't I? Whoops! Oh well, I'll start trying to update faster. So, anyways, abrupt ending, I know. But whatever. I'm tired. And this D/N is very random and ness. So here's your chapter, review and I'll update ASAP:D (And I mean it this time!)


	11. Why Bakura Shouldn't Cook

Does Anybody Even Really READ These Titles? Can I Just Stop Writing Them or Will I Get Beaten like a Banshee?

**Disclaimer**: I don't own YGO. So... yeah... go away.

Tristan: THAT'S MY JOB!

Disclaimer: ... GO CHOKE ON A FROG! **/runs away like a Billy Goat/**

_**DEATH TO ALL BILLY GOATS AND TURKEYS! BWUAHAHHAHAHHHHHAHA!**_

**D/N**: Ehehehe... I'm running out of excuses... So... yes, well, I was very distracted by my schoolwork, and as a result... yes... I gave you guys a very long delay. And for that, I am sorry. So, so, _so_ incredibly sorry. Terribly sorry. DON'T HURT ME! **/hides under a banana cake/** Eww... I hate bananas... AND GUESS WHAT! I'm working on another story right now! (Don't worry, I'm still gonna finish this one and the Fantastic Freaks before I even _think_ about posting this other one) It's gonna be a pre-written story, so there won't be any excuse if I don't post up a chapter! BUT! It will not be a Yu-Gi-Oh! story... (Eriso: ... I'm supposed to be awed, aren't I?) ... Yes. ANYWAYS, it'll be a... believe it or not... cause _I_ sure can't... a Harry Potter story! YAY! And Harry Potter will not be in it! YAY! Well, maybe for a second or two... But I don't like him. So I won't dwell too much on his existence. Anyway (I say that too much), on with the chappie:D

**But First, A Word... Well, TO Our... Well, MY Reviewers. Not Sponsors. I Have No Sponsors:**

**Prozac pandA: **I like giraffes:D Sorry... stupid thing to say. :P (Eriso: I DON'T WANT A LLAMA! I WANT AN EVIL BUNNY RABBIT!) ... And she's also quite stupid. So... What can I say about the delays but... Sorrypleasedon'thurtme! (Eriso: Kaiba gets no brownie cause I'M EATING IT! BWUAHAHHA! **/eats brownie like the crazed freak that she is/**) Yeah, I've been noticing a lot of people want to join the W.L.J.H.a.N.W.G.t.S.a.A.o.P.p.o.R.C.H.S.a.N.t.D.C.H.D.J.B.H! club, so I'm probably gonna make a website and then... uhm... I dunno... make a section where you can join the club dedicated to Joey's hair:D No, I haven't reached my dad. He's too stupid to get to. He's like a Billy Goat. Dumb. BWUAHAHHAHAH! DEATH TO ALL BILLY GOATS AND TURKEYS! And don'tcha worry, I LOVE long reviews! YAY! Especially when they talk about absolutely nothing:D I got a new best friend! WHOPEE! ... Remind me never to do that again...

**E.Tphonehome:** XD I love your username, man! It's spiffy and spunky:D Anyways, hope ya like the chapter!

**anaraz**: You know, I'm actually not sure... I've got the weirdest urge to just leave him tied up in this little world of Razatul's while everyone else goes home... Maybe I should... Hmm... Anyways, enjoy the chappie:D

**mandapandabug:** GASP! You mean... the magical sticker isn't making you feel all lovely and goodness inside:'( NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE MAGICAL STICKER DID NOT WORK! Excuse me while I go cry to myself for a while... Oh, and don't forget to send me a Joey clone! YAY JOEY:D ... AND HIS HAIR! Oh, but before I forget, no, it's not yaoi. And it's not cause I hate it or anything, but it's just because of one, simple, little reason. I absolutely _suck_ at writing anything relatively romantic. Angst... yeah, every now and then. Not lately though. :P But I can't write anything thing that consists of a love interest between two people - yaoi, yuri, or not. So, I don't want you to start hating me if I start making this a yaoi because it will - I can assure you, it _will_ suck. (Eriso: It doesn't need the yaoi to suck. It's doing a fine job of that right now.) ... I am going to hurt you soon.

**R.F.K.a.'...'**: You know... I'm gonna have to put up a blue and orange pickle detector soon... Just as soon as someone invents one... :D I'm glad you're liking it so far! I do try my best. :D And of course, since I'm just such an amazingly talented, eloquent, smart, witty, funny, and positively perfect writer (Eriso: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAhAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!) ... (Eriso: Oh, wait, you were serious, weren't you?) ... I'm going to hurt you. Oh, by the way, a little message from Prozac pandA from her review: And...to the magical R.F.K.a.'...': ARGHH...YOU MUST MAKE A USERNAME...IT'S JUST KILLING ME...GOOD LORDY, CHILD! Word for word. :P But don't worry! I don't mind:D ANYWAYS, enjoy the chapter!

**Hazel-Beka:** Ehehehee... ace... that's my new favourite word from now on. :D I've gotta make a story just plain dedicated to that word... Or not. Whatever. :P I'm tired right now. And hyper. Not a good match for me. AND I'M MAKING JOEY'S HAIR SHRINE! ME! NOT YOU! ME! **/rabid beaver face/** Oh that's right. I went there. Don't worry, all will be revealed soon enough! ... And I want that promised pie... (Eriso: - -;;)

**Flame Swordswoman**:D I know, I'm so funny and clever aren't I? I even amuse myself! I'll be in the middle of class and everyone's really quiet, and then all of a sudden I'll think of something funny and just start laughing randomly and everyone will look at me like I'm a freak and then I die a little inside... Uhm... forget I said that. Now we're even:D You scare me, and I scare you!

**Rose Goddess of the Dead aka Misty :D**: (Eriso: MY GRAMMER IS JUST FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I AM SMART AND PERFECT AND LONG LIVE CLIPPIT! WHO NEEDS GRAMMER? SPELLED, SPELT, SPELLED, SPELT! IT DOES THE SAME THING!) ... You'll have to excuse her... She's stupid. (Eriso: GWUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AND DON'T TOUCH MY EVIL BUNNIES! MY BUNNIES! MINE! **/eye twitch/**) O.o Whoa...

**OOOOOOOO**

Joey groaned with annoyance as he looked at Razatul. "You mean we're gonna sword-fight _again_?" Joey whined.

Razatul growled at him. "No. You've had your chance to die honourably. You've lost that chance. You've lost any chance you once had to die painlessly. Now your death shall be slow and torturous. You will die the death of a coward, and your name will forever be immortalised as the One Who Died by Razatul's Hands."

D/N: You know, I just noticed something. It's going to be awfully hard for Bakura to get Razatul to drink that poison. So I think I'll just leave Razatul distracted for a while.

"What, I can't get another chance?" Joey chuckled nervously.

"Just keep him busy, mortal..." Bakura said so softly Joey was positive that he was only one who heard.

"No." Razatul replied bluntly, swinging his sword up, giving Joey mere seconds to move to the side. If he still had his hair, he wouldn't now.

"Eep!" Joey... eeped, as he ran off. "You're gonna have to catch me first!"

Razatul sighed, and shook his head. "I really do hate it when they delay the inevitable."

While this was happening in the thirty seconds that it took place (Dialogues always seem longer when you write them... and they you read them...), Bakura was busy running towards Yami and his little rock with Kaiba tagging along behind.

"I thought we were supposed to poison Razatul! How is running away going to help?" Kaiba asked.

"We're not running away!" Bakura shot back. "We're tactically retreating!"

"Oh. I see." Kaiba replied.

As they finally reached Yami - and after he finally stopped trying to blow out their eardrums with his raving - Bakura dived at his little bag. "Untie the pharaoh." Bakura told the CEO.

Kaiba looked curiously at Bakura for a moment, as it was quite an amusing sight to see Bakura rustling around in that sack, but did as he was told... for once.

"Oh, so _now_ you untie me!" Yami snapped. "What's so different about now than ten minutes ago? What if I don't want to be untied? What if I just want to stay here and enjoy the scenery?" Kaiba sighed loudly, and looked over at Bakura.

Bakura didn't pause from his task, but replied, "If you don't shut up, _pharaoh_, we may as well just leave you here. Would that satisfy you?" Yami fell silent. "And as to what's so different from ten minutes ago... Well..." Bakura pulled out a little box. "Nothing, really. I just felt like you've suffered enough. Besides, maybe this way you'll see the genius in all my plans and finally leave me alone when I try to pull off some of my amazing plans."

Yami eyed the box. "What's in that?"

"A package for Razatul." Bakura grinned, opening the box, showing the others the contents.

Yami and Kaiba's eyes widened as they saw what was in it.

**OOOOOOOO**

Joey, on the other hand, was busy running back and forth, trying to evade Razatul's oncoming strikes. "Why'd I get rid of my sword?" he muttered to himself. "Oh, that's right. Because I was too exhausted to carry it." The second he remembered how tired he was before, he started to slow down. "I just need... a little nap..."

"Surrendering, boy?" Razatul's voice broke into his thoughts, as a sudden burst of wind came from Joey's left side.

"_Hey_!" Joey snapped, looking at his wrist, and seeing where his watch now lay on the ground. Part of it was still hanging on his arm. "That was a good watch! I liked that watch!"

"I'll be happy to reunite you with it." Razatul replied, lunging forward again, as Joey's instincts kicked in again and he jerked back in time. The sudden striking fear that he was about to be killed washed over him, and once again, he took off running again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Joey screamed, waving his arms around as he began to run in circles. But they were wide circles so Razatul couldn't just stick his foot his and trip him.

Razatul sighed and shook his head again. "This is getting infuriating..."

**OOOOOOOO**

"You're never going to pull it off, Bakura." Yami told him. "It simply won't work."

"Of course it will!" Bakura insisted. "He won't be able to see the poison on this! It's foolproof!"

"Then our fools have gotten better and evolved into idiots!." Kaiba snapped. "Don't you think it'll be a little strange to just offer that to him? Don't you think he'll suspect something?"

"Possibly."

"It'll _never_ work!" Yami said again. "Unless you know a way to blind Razatul so he won't see what it is..."

"Trust me, pharaoh, he'll never suspect a thing. If we just say it's a gift, he'll accept it readily!" Bakura grinned.

Kaiba began to massage his temples. "Bakura, let me just tell you this right now so you won't figure it out the hard way; You _can't_ just walk up to a deranged freak and offer him a cupcake without him thinking something's wrong with it!"

Bakura looked at the chocolate cupcake with the vanilla icing on it, and then to Kaiba. "No, of course I can't. He'll definitely suspect something if I do it."

"_Thank_-you!" Kaiba sighed. "See? It won't work-"

"That's why _you're_ going to do it." Bakura interrupted.

Kaiba blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Let me put it simply." Bakura said. "_You're_ going to waltz up to Razatul and tell him you made this cupcake for him as a present."

"W-_what_!" Kaiba's jaw fell open.

Yami pounded on his hand in enlightenment. "I get it! Razatul thinks Kaiba is Gaelia! He's _in love_ with Gaelia, so if he's offered the cupcake by his beloved, he'll take it!"

"That'll never work!" Kaiba protested.

"Well, I suppose you'll be the first to find out, now won't you, Priest?" Bakura grinned, putting the chocolate cupcake with the vanilla icing back into its chocolate-cupcake-with-the-vanilla-icing box. (:D Awesomeness. XD) "Let's go."

**OOOOOOOO**

Joey, while he was in his I'm-freaked-out-so-I'm-gonna-run-around-in-circles-and-hopefully-this-will-protect-me craze, was looking every so often at the little group huddled around Yami's rock. Seeing that they were finally coming for him, he decided to run towards them and meet them halfway.

"You can't run from me forever, boy!" Razatul snapped, lunging towards Joey again, nicking him on his back.

Joey nearly stumbled, but managed to keep his footing. "No, but I can try!"

D/N: Well, I suppose we can just skip the little scene of Joey running towards the group. It's obvious that Razatul's right behind him, so... yeah, nothing to important. Jump forward two minutes:D

Joey finally was about 20 metres (I use the Metric System.) away from the others. "GUYS! A LITTLE HELP HERE!"

Bakura looked over at Kaiba. "Show time." Bakura plopped the box into his hands and gave the CEO a shove forward.

"I hate you, Bakura." Kaiba called over his shoulder, but ran towards Razatul nevertheless.

Joey saw Kaiba coming and felt greatly relieved, and even more so when he saw Kaiba was carrying a box.

"Razatul! My... uh... love!" Kaiba forced a smile onto his face. Unfortunately, it only made him look constipated. (XD I was watching Red Green the other day... )

Razatul stopped chasing Joey, and looked over at Kaiba with confusion in his eyes. "Yes, Gaelia? My love, have you returned to me?"

Kaiba cringed. "You bet. And uh... to show there's no hard feelings... I got you a present." Kaiba pushed the box forward.

Joey looked on in curiosity, eager to see what plan Bakura had cooked up. Razatul looked at the box, then at Kaiba, with hope and joy in his eyes. It was quite a nauseating face.

Razatul opened the package and pulled it out.

"A _cupcake_?" Joey cried out.

Razatul ignored him. "My love! You have make a baked good just for me! This is truly a sign of your love!" And with that, the cupcake was devoured in two bites. "It's..." And suddenly the joy from Razatul's face faded. "My love... that... you've poisoned me!"

Kaiba grinned. "That's right Razatul. _That's_ for turning me into a rat!"

Fury grew in Razatul's eyes. "You're not Gaelia! You're that idiot that I drained life-energy from!"

"Once again, you're right." Kaiba grinned, stepping back to get into line with Joey.

"Nice job, Kaiba! Wow, I didn't think that'd work!" Joey said excitedly. "I mean, it _actually_ worked!"

"Yeah... I guess Bakura's not as stupid as I thought." Kaiba added.

"I'll... I'll kill you both!" Razatul snarled, raising his sword up, his eyes blazing red.

Kaiba and Joey jumped back. "I take back what I said!" Joey cried out, trying to shield himself with his arms."

Suddenly, Razatul's sword fell out of his hands, as he stumbled forward. "Gaelia..." he moaned, collapsing.

Neither of the two teens moved.

Finally, Joey went up and poked Razatul, and jumped back quickly. Looking up at Kaiba, he said, "I think... he's..."

"It technically wasn't _us_ who killed him." Kaiba replied calmly. "It was all Bakura's idea. Don't worry, Joey. I think God will accept that it was in self-defence. I mean, he started it."

Joey nodded uneasily. "Yeah, but the guy only snapped because he lost the love of his life. I mean... He wasn't... _evil_ or anything."

"He was trying to kill us." Kaiba stated a-matter-of-factly. "I think that makes him evil."

Joey was about to say more, when suddenly an enraged roar erupted which seemed to come from all around them. The two screamed at the top of their lungs, and leapt away from Razatul.

"R-relax, Kaiba!" Joey said. "I don't think it was him!"

Kaiba nodded, and then his face darkened. "What do you mean _relax_?" Kaiba snapped. "_You_ were the one who screamed! I only screamed because _you_ screamed!"

"Oh... whatever." Joey rolled his eyes. "Where did that yell come from then?"

At that point, a very furious Bakura stomped up, followed by Yami who seemed to be trying very hard to not burst out laughing.

"What's wrong with you?" Joey asked Bakura.

"I forgot to put the poison on it..." Bakura growled. "But he died anyway..."

No sooner had Bakura said this than Yami collapsed on the ground, laughing his head off with tears streaming down his face. "Y-you're an amazing chef, Bakura! You've got such a talent with food!"

"_SHUT-UP, PHARAOH!_" Bakura roared, as he took the bottle of poison out. Sure enough, it was full to the brim.

"So... you killed Razatul with just your cooking?" Kaiba questioned.

"_Yes!_" Yami howled.

Bakura simply growled again, as he stalked over to Razatul and kicked his chest. "I am _not_ that terrible at cooking!"

"I THINK RAZATUL'S CORPSE BEGS TO DIFFER!" Yami shrieked with laughter.

"It's _NOT_ that _funny!_" Bakura glowered.

By this time, Joey had already joined Yami on the floor. Kaiba, while he was too sophisticated to join their little laughing craze, was possibly cracking up even more so than Joey.

Bakura's face flushed red. "Let's. Just. _Go_." He snarled, opening up a doorway to the Shadow Realm. He was just about to step inside of it, when he suddenly let out a yelp of pain and jumped back, clutching his stomach.

"And just _where_ do you think you're going?" Razatul glared, his sword raised and moist with fresh blood...

**OOOOOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** GASPIES! Razatul's not dead? WOW! That was a plot twist! ... Okay, I've gotta stop doing that... Anyways... uhm... Sorry for the long delay! I actually had a _totally_ different version of this chapter going. But then I realised it sucked, so I was like... whatever. And I made another one:D Hope you don't mind the cliff-hanger... TOO much... I'll try to update soon! (Let me know if there are any plot-holes or something you don't understand. I've gotta start cleaning up this story a bit.)


	12. A Plan

**I Guess I Have to Keep Writing These Titles Then...**

**Disclaimer (aka Tristan)**:D Qk Does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters that are in the show! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Qk: - -;; Gravyness...

**D/N:** BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I have RETURN-ED:D How's every little thing going? Yes, yes, I know... I haven't updated for a few months now... Sorry about that. Ehehehe... But now I'm back, and you can all start reviewing and reading again! ... Not necessarily in that order, of course. Yes... I'm not greedy for reviews... Of course not... Now, I just want you all to know that what happens next in the story I didn't just pop in randomly because I was feeling a little evil. No, no, no, this was already in the original writing of the story. And you'll know what little scene I'm talking about because it'll be spoken of in like... yeah, the first... scene, I guess... of this chapter. ANYWAYS... (w00t! I've matched the same amount of reviews in this taking as in the original:D)

**Just because I'm SOOOOOO nice, I've decided to grace you all with my replies.:**

**R.F.K.a.'...':** Uh oh... You found out about the monkeys I sent to get all the orange and blue pickles in the world... Well, _that's_ not good. That means I have to send out frogs now! Erm... right. (Eriso: Qk's not right. She's never right. She's not right in her head.) ... Which explains the existence of you. (Eriso: Yeah... I just realised that! HEY! I CAN CALL YOU A SCHIZO!) Not if you wanna live, you won't! (Eriso: Damn loopholes... ) Quite... Anyways, like I said, I have no problem with your name:D I know what it stands for, and therefore I am happy! Besides, it's not freakishly long like... uhm... (Eriso: Supercalifragjalisticexpialidocious.) ... Yes. Like the word from Mary Poppins. And you should know by now that Yamis can't cook!

**Anaraz: **Yes, I have this idea that if ever there were to be a friendship between Joey and Kaiba, Kaiba would call Joey Joey, since everyone calls him Joey - When in Rome and all that junk - but Joey would still call Kaiba Kaiba, since _everyone_ - except Mokuba of course. But who cares what he does? - calls him that. But maybe there shall be a chapter in which Joey calls Kaiba 'Seto.' Maybe. Possibly. Probably. Whatever.

**Flame Swordswoman:** I have a weird way of doing that... I'm always writing out stories where it's all happy and funny out in the beginning and then it goes serious and then back to funny. It's like, "Kaiba, you smell like Cheetos! EHEHEHHEHEHE!" "I know Joey, you do too! EHEHEHHEHE!" "Ohmigod an asteroid killed my parents and sister and now I have no where to go and I'll have to be put into foster care..." "..." "CHEETOS! EHEHEHEHEHEEH!" Or something like that... Yeah...

**Kaibasbabe**: Naw, I decided to give him another chance at life in hopes that he would be changed with that near-death experience and leave everyone alone. Man... was _I_ wrong!

**Mandapandabug**:O WHO'S WRITING THIS STORY! Yes... Sorry about my IittIe outburst. My doctor says the best thing to do for my outbursts is to eat the IittIe happy-piIIs he gives me! (Eriso: Oh dear God...) XD I Iove your idea of using the Ietter I for your 'L's! It's Iike nifty and spiffy and ness!

**Hazel-Beka**: I know how to feels to get told off my a family member for laughing too much. I was reading a really one story once and then I just couldn't stop laughing, and then my dad came downstairs and kicked me off of the computer for a month... Yes... T'was a dark day... BUT NOW IT'S BETTER:D

**Yami Koibito**: I really, _really_ need to start a little shrine for Joey's hair. Everyone's mourning it. But you can join our little club that we have so far:D **/hands Koibito a 'We Love Joey's Hair and Now We're Going to Sick an Army of Purple Penguins of Razatul Cuz He's Stupid and Needs to Die Cuz He Destroyed Joey's Beautiful Hair! club sticker. /** Enjoy!

**Killian:** Actually... I'm not sure if that _is_ good or bad for Bakura... I'd imagine it'd be good, because it's show that he wasn't _that_ bad of a cook. :D Anyways, enjoy the chappie!

**OOOO Whew! That was a TON of reviews! WHOOPIE :D I'M LOVED! OOOO**

Letting out a sharp cry of bewilderment, Bakura jumped back and fell back onto the ground.

Razatul smirked at him, as the sword flashed in whatever light was reflecting off of it. "Oops. My sword slipped."

Bakura, usually one to respond with an incredibly witty remark, simply let out an almost feral growl of anger. ... Aka, he yelped in pain.

"You... You _stabbed_ him!" Joey gaped. "How could you _stab_ him?"

Razatul rolled his eyes. "Really. I changed your little friend into a rat in order to corner him and suck out his life energy, which I eventually did, and brought you three here to my little realm to torture you and had a sword-fight with you using multiple blasts of magic and then I was almost _poisoned_ by a muffin. And you're surprised that I _stabbed_ him? My boy, that's the most normal thing that's happened all day!"

"He's got a point." Kaiba shrugged.

"Bakura, are you alright?" Yami asked, kneeling next to him.

Bakura sighed in frustration. "Oh, of course I am, dear pharaoh. I've only been stabbed in the stomach. I'm quite alright."

Yami nodded. "Okay. Good."

Bakura angrily grabbed Yami's shirt and pulled him down so they were eye to eye. "No. I'm. Not. All. Right. _Idiot_ pharaoh! How in _hell_ did you rule a country?"

"Yami, geez, I know you're 5000 years old, but even _you_ should be able to pick up on sarcasm." Joey said.

Kaiba cleared his throat, calling attention to himself. "Can we please get back to the fact that there's a psychopathic freak with a sword a couple of feet away from us?"

Razatul smiled smugly. "Oh, that's alright. I think I'll give you fools a moment to think about your next move."

Joey blinked. "Next move?"

Razatul shook his head. "I think it's safe to say that all of you people's intelligence has been simultaneously deteriorating. Yes, your next move. I'm here with a sword. I just stabbed your friend after you thought I was dead. You have no weapons. Now what?"

Joey and Kaiba looked at each other and shrugged. Then, looking back at Razatul, Joey asked, "Uh... Can we have a moment to think about this?"

Razatul smiled, taking a few steps back.

The four huddled together on the ground. "Yami, Bakura, can you guys do something?" Joey asked.

"I can do lots of things." Bakura snorted.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes. "He _means_ can you do anything to get rid of Razatul?"

Yami shook his head. "Shadow Magic isn't nearly as strong here as it is in other places."

"Speak for yourself." Bakura muttered. "And since when did you two become such good friends that you can now interpret each other's words?"

Kaiba, completely ignoring Bakura's grievous wound (that they weren't tending to), grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, raising a fist in front of his face. "Since I kicked your ass!"

"You haven't done anything of the sort!" Bakura protested.

"Doesn't mean I won't." Kaiba growled, letting go. "Now, Bakura, can _you_ do anything seeing as how Yami is apparently a useless, waste of space?"

"Excuse me!" Yami gasped.

"You're excused." The brunette snapped.

Bakura thought for a moment. "Hmmm... what can I do... _what_ can I do... Well, I suppose there is _one_ thing we can do to get away from Razatul for a moment."

"And that would be... ?" Joey asked.

Bakura looked at Kaiba. "Pick me up."

Kaiba blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I said, 'Pick me up, you delectable, hunk of man, you.'" Bakura smiled sweetly.

Kaiba now officially had every reason to die of shock.

"I'm kidding, stupid." Bakura rolled his eyes. "But seriously, pick me up on your back. Then I'll tell you how to get away from him."

Kaiba paused for a moment, eyeing him curiously. "No funny business..." He muttered, putting Bakura in a piggy-back position. (EWWWWWW! BAD THOUGHTS! BAD THOUGHTS!)

"Of course not." Bakura replied. "Pay no attention to my wiggling about up here or my little sounds."

Kaiba looked sick.

"Okay, okay, knock it off you two." Joey cut in, waving his hands. "Alright, Bakura. What do we do now?"

"It's quite simple. We... RUN!" Bakura cried, as the group began tearing off in the direction opposite of Razatul. "Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! Kaiba! _God_! Would it kill you to run a little more smoothly? Injured spirit on your back!"

"I'll drop you." Came the short reply.

Yami looked behind him. "Razatul isn't moving. Why isn't he moving?"

"Maybe because he knows that running is completely futile since he owns this realm and can stop us from anywhere since he doesn't need to follow us." Joey suggested. He received shocked looks. "Oh, come on! I'm entitled to a good suggestion every now and then, aren't I?"

"He said 'entitled.'" Kaiba whispered loudly to Bakura. "Won't that make his brain explode?"

"No, but that's about his limit." Bakura replied.

"Bakura, if what I said was right," Joey said, "Then what are we going to do? Isn't there some way of stopping him?"

"Of course there is." Bakura told him. "This is Razatul's own private Realm. Every private Realm has the mind of its owner in various objects. We can turn his own fears against him."

"Wow. That makes _no_ sense." Joey rolled his eyes.

Bakura growled in frustration. "I mean, the owner of the Realm will have his different feelings and such symbolised in different ways. It's much like a Soul Room. Usually, to enter a certain part of the spirit's mind, you must travel through a certain door or something. That's the simplest way, and pretty much the _only_ way in a Soul Room. Personal Realms, however, have things like... temples, mountains, forests... even _chairs_. Say someone was afraid of the dark, and that was their most powerful fear. Then in order to enter someone's fears - all of them - you must enter what their strongest fear symbolises. So go into a dark cave and you'll find all of the person's fears."

"It makes a little sense." Kaiba said. "Only it brings up a new problem. What's Razatul's biggest fear? And more importantly, what in hell would it be symbolised as? There's _nothing_ here! Unless he's afraid of _quicksand_ or dirt in his shoes, we're out of luck."

Yami thought on the go. (Multi-tasking! YAY! See? Men can do it too!) "Razatul's biggest fear... It'd have something to do with Gaelia, wouldn't it?"

"Gaelia... Gaelia was buried in an underground temple. It was hidden away from the world. Razatul would never go to it until the day he tried to resurrect her." Bakura's eyes lit up. "So _that's_ it! Razatul's greatest fears would be symbolised into Gaelia's temple!"

"Gee, that's great, Bakura!" Joey replied sarcastically. "Only one little problem."

"What? Nonsense!" Bakura snapped. "My plan is perfect! How dare you try and find imperfection in the perfectness of my perfect plan!" (God, I hate the word perfect now. TOTALLY lost its meaning. The spelling doesn't go with the meaning AT all.)

"Oh no?" Joey snapped back. "We are in the middle of a _blood-red desert!_ There is _nothing_ around us but _sand!_ And unless you have a _map_ with you, we're going to be spending the rest of our lives digging around in the ground trying to find some temple that could very well not exist!"

"The symbols are not allowed to be completely hidden from view, Wheeler." Bakura said. "It should be sticking up."

"Wait a minute..." Joey said, his mind racing back furiously through time. ... Aka a couple of hours.

- O - o - O - _Flashback Time! _- O - o - O -

_FLASH _

_Joey tripped and fell flat on his face..._

_FLASH_

_... looked behind himself and saw a rock sticking up out of the ground..._

_FLASH_

_... a chunk of metal! Smooth metal, pointy too, which meant it must have been shaped into something..._

_FLASH_

_... a pointy chunk of metal wouldn't do any good for anyone anyway..._

- O - o - O -

"I know where the temple is!" Joey cried.

**OOOOOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**  
OOOOO**

**D/N:** I know, I know, it's a really short chapter. Like I said, I had writer's block. Sorry to any reviewers I didn't respond it in my response thing up top. Wow, this was a REALLY short chapter. I'll try to get the next one up right away though.


	13. Backtracking

**It's Temple Time, Baby!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own YGO. READ MY NEW STORY! WOOTWOOT:D

**D/N:** Bwuahhahaha... I'm back. Yes, I know you all thought you got rid of me, but you didn't because now I'm back with another story. Damn, that took like... _how_ long? Yeah... well, sorry. My internet crashed a while back and I was like, 'Well, if I can't even _post_ the story, I'm sure as hell ain't writing it!' So here we are, months later. I hope all you readers aren't _too_ angry at me... Please, throw only tomatoes and pillows. No hard candy. Okay! On with the chapter! (Eriso: Just when you thought she had an attack of common sense and stopped writing... ) ... When the hell did you come back? I thought I locked you up! (Eriso: I have my ways.) Quite. _Anyways_...

I'm Finally Going to Give You Your Long-Awaited Answers to Your Burning Questions: 

**Ghostboy:** :D A newcomer! Welcome to the reviewing list of O.D.a.M! I'm glad you like my story so much. Are you serious? _All_ the chapters at once? You're almost as dedicated to reading as me! Well... it's better than watching Pokemon, I suppose. ... And I'm back to Pokemon references. Shutting up now.

**Prozac pandA:** Yeah, why _are_ you always one of the last people to review my chapters? Get a story alert, dammit:O Yes, I seem to have a great talent for pulling out good chapters right after I finish my writer's block. I just hope it kicks in this time... I also have a great talent for _getting_ writer's block. Blah. And Razatul... hmm... what can be said about Razatul? He's a freak who has a split personality... I think I'll make him stupid again today, just for the hell of it. "Even though he's a self-proclaimed spiteful psychopathic villain bent on revenge who has an unending thirst for self satisfaction and gratification." THAT IS AN AWESOME LINE! You have to tell me if I can add that in at some point. That's just _so_ awesomely-cool:D Aww, and I'm sorry I didn't respond to you last review section. I feel really bad now... Here, have some candy:D

**Hazel-Beka:** Yes... Kaiba and Bakura... I don't know why, but that just popped into my head randomly. I'm sorry you had to suffer through it and read through the slits of your fingers to protect your virgin eyes as I've probably made every person who read it go blind in horror and okay I'm shutting up now. Yeah, I'm sorry about the short chapter... That bit that I left you guys with so little for so long... Sorry about that!

**Yami Koibito:** :D I know, don't stickers rule? Whoo... Yugi's in an insane rampage over Yami. That's always what I pictured, somehow...

**R.F.K.a.'...':** :O NOOOOOOOOO! MY FROGS! I'm calling a C-KaRDA attack on you! (_Enter the Crazy, Killer and Rubber Duck Attack ducks_) AND DON'T EAT THOSE! But really, people actually ask what '...' means? Wow... they're... not very smart, for lack of a better term. But you have to admit, your name is just so intriguing that people simply _have_ to ask about it:D You're famous! Or infamous, whichever you prefer. Sorry about the shortness and Razatul's intelligence swings... no real explanation for those there. NOOOOOOOO! MY FROGS,(

**Sunshine pie: **YES! Another new-comer! Welcome to the O.D.a.M reviewing list! Here's complimentary sticker! I don't know why I chose the name Diane. It just seems like such a motherly look-I've-dumped-my-kid-in-a-crap-part-of-town-with-a-father-who-stereotypically-beats-him-aren't-I-cool? name. I'm glad you approve of the choice:D

**Anaraz:** YES I AM! BWUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

**OooOOOooO**

"You do?" Bakura blinked from Kaiba's back.

"I think so." Joey said, while he ran through the red desert. "I remember tripping over a pointy, metal, triangle thing that could pass for the tip of a pyramid when I ran back to you guys after fighting Razatul. The temple _was_ a pyramid, right?"

"Pyramids were used for those of royal blood." Bakura told him. "Gaelia was _not_ royal. She was buried in a highly adorned temple."

"So... what was it then?" Joey asked.

"A temple."

"Okay... what was it in the shape of?"

"A temple."

"Did it have a pointy, metal thing at the top?"

"No, that's a pyramid. She was buried in a temple, you stupid boy!" Bakura growled. "How many times must I repeat myself?"

Joey was silent for a moment, thinking to himself. Finally he asked, "Did that temple have... like... a pointy thing attached to-"

"Temple!" Bakura snapped. "Hit him, Priest!" So Kaiba began to smack Joey on the head. "Temple! Temple, temple, temple, temple, _temple_!"

"Alrightalrightalrightalright!" Joey cried out, trying to dodge the onslaught of attacks. "Okay! Fine! Temple. Not pyramid."

Yami shook his head. "So, Joey, where's the temple?"

"Well... I tripped over something that was like a pyramid." Joey said. "And since Bakura has... viciously insisted that it's _not_ a pyramid, I'm not sure if it's what we're looking for at all."

"We don't seem to have any alternative." Yami pointed out. "We've got no other leads. Whatever you claim you tripped over must be what we're looking for or at least a clue of some kind."

"Clues can be pointy." Kaiba stated, in a very matter-of-fact voice.

"So, where is it?" Bakura urged.

"Uh..." Joey looked back in the direction of which they came. "Well... back that way, I think."

"Back... _there_?" Kaiba curled his lip in disgust. "With _that_? Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't _that_ what we were running from in the first place?"

"He must have figured out our plans somehow." Yami murmured. "He's trying to guard that pointy thing. It _must_ be the temple."

Joey stuck his tongue out at Bakura. "Temples can be pointy, too!"

Bakura glared, before calling out, "High Priest, attack!" and soon the beating of Joey began again.

Yami continued to think to himself amidst the noise of Joey's cries of pain, Kaiba's loud smacking, and Bakura's gleeful yells of 'Blood, _blood_!' about their next move. "We'll have to form some sort of battle plan..." He mused. "Two of us will have to distract Razatul while the other two search for the temple."

"It can't be me who has to distract Razatul." Bakura told him, as he bounced along on Kaiba's back as he chased after Joey, who had suddenly remembered he had legs. "I'm wounded."

"And it can't be me, either." Kaiba added. "I'm _carrying_ Bakura."

"And it can't - _ow!_ - be me!" Joey yelped, covering his head with his hands. "I'm the only one who actually _knows_ where the pyramid is!"

"_Temple, temple, temple_!" Bakura shrieked.

Yami's eyes widened. "What? I can't possibly be expected to go up against him alone!"

"Good luck, pharaoh!"

"Keep him busy!"

"Have fun! _Ow_, Kaiba!"

Yami thought about this for a moment, calculating. "Joey will carry Bakura, and Kaiba and I will distract Razatul."

"_What?_" All action stopped immediately, as they stared at him in disbelief. (It's 1:26am:D)

"Why do I have to carry Bakura? He'll keep hitting me!"

"That's only because you don't know the difference between a _temple_ and a _pyramid_!"

"Why do I have to distract Razatul?"

"Because he loves you, _Gaelia_!"

"Shut up, Wheeler!"

"The High Priest has no fighting skills whatsoever!"

"I'll have you know I've mastered _ten_ different forms of martial arts!"

"Well, that won't save you when he's blasting you to bits with Shadow Magic, now will it?"

"Well, it's not like _I'm_ going to fight him. I've suffered enough!"

"Yes, we all see your hair."

"Like _yours_ is any better? _Cut your hair, you freak!_"

"I'll have you know this is the latest fashion!"

"Yes, we know! 5000 _years_ late!"

"You're one to talk, mullet-boy!"

"It's _not_ a _mullet_!"

"Right then," Yami clapped his hands together. "It's agreed. Kaiba, put Bakura onto Joey's back and we'll get moving."

The three began to continue bickering, as Yami observed them with a withering look. Something was wrong with this realm. People here got stupid too fast.

Or maybe he was just noticing it.

**OooOO** Ten minutes later **OOooO**

"Alright, there he is." Yami whispered to the other three. They were hiding in the shadow of the giant rock, and were spying Razatul, sitting on the ground and fiddling with his sword. "Everyone know what to do?"

"Scream like a banshee and tackle him?" Kaiba asked.

"Run around in circles and hope I trip?" Joey suggested.

"You better not." Bakura growled. "I'm _wounded_."

Yami sighed and shook his head. Was he the _only_ sane one left?

"_Beavers_ in the _depths_ of the _sea_ of _ice-cream_!" Razatul's voice rang out.

"Yup." Yami sighed again. "Alright, let's go."

Bakura and Joey began to move to the left, trying to get as close to the rock as they could without being seen. Yami and Kaiba went to the right, staying a little while away, ready to tackle Razatul should he catch sight of the others.

"You know," Kaiba said, when they were quite close to Razatul. "If Joey _does_ die, and we haven't found the temple yet, we're screwed, you know. He hasn't told us where it is."

"I like cheese." Yami replied. Seeing the glance he got from Kaiba, he explained, "I figured I might as well begin lowering my IQ a bit, so I'll be able to join in the fun later."

"Somehow... I don't think that'll be too difficult..." Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Alright... so... what? We attack?"

"Yes."

"With what?"

"..."

"..."

"Oh, crap." Yami said. "I forgot about that."

Joey and Bakura, on the other hand, weren't having any better luck with _their_ task, either.

"So where is it?" Bakura asked. "Is it this rock or something?"

"Yes, I tripped over this rock. That's it." Joey rolled his eyes. "No, it was somewhere between this rock and that place Razatul was fighting me."

Bakura began to growl deeply with frustration.

"What?" Joey asked. "It's not _that_ bad. I mean, sure I know we're going to have to run around a little bit. Or _I'm_ going to have to or whatever..."

"It's not that."

"Then what are you whining about?" Joey sighed.

Bakura shook his head. "You say it's between this rock and the ring of light you were fighting Razatul in."

"Yes."

"The ring of light is the second point."

"Yes."

"The of light that _disappeared_ is the second point."

"... yes."

"You idiot." Bakura growled. "You _dolt_! You... you... _nincompoop!_"

"There's a golden oldie.." Joey murmured. "Alright, alright. So that ring vanished. Okay, no biggie. Uh... It was facing... the direction of... where Yami was facing! That's the direction!"

"Wheeler, you're an absolute _idiot_." Bakura growled again. "Do you see _anything_ different about this rock?"

Joey looked at it very carefully. The smooth, grey rock towered over him, at about twice his height. "It... just looks like a rock to me."

"And what was it before...?" Bakura urged, an edge of venom in his voice.

Joey thought for a moment, before his face fell. "... A chair."

"Exactly. How can you be sure this is even the right rock?" Bakura demanded. "The other one - the one we seem to need - was a sort of beige colour. It wasn't even _half_ the size of us. Congratulations, you've screwed us over."

"_Me?_" Joey snapped. "_You're_ the one who cried 'run'! Besides, this place is completely full of magic. Maybe this _is_ the right rock after all, and it just... changed shape?"

Bakura sighed in frustration. "_Why_ would a rock change shape, Wheeler?"

"I don't know!" Joey cried. "I'm freaking out here, okay? I was supposed to be doing a tormenting project with Kaiba about getting to know each other! I wasn't supposed to be chasing down some freak, magic guy who goes around turning people into rats and sucks out their souls!"

"Life-energy."

"Whatever!" Joey snapped, then froze, as chills ran up and down his spine. He turned around to see behind him, and wound up face-to-face with Razatul.

**OooOOOooO**

"He's gone!" Yami gasped. "He's gone! I just blinked and he disappeared!"

"What kind of cheap, lame-ass trick was that?" Kaiba rolled his eyes. "I'm supposed to believe that's _magic_?"

"Kaiba, don't you understand?" Yami hollered.

"I understand that _that_ was pathetic." Kaiba sneered. "Wasn't there supposed to be a poof of smoke or something? Magic words? A flash of light? _Something_?"

"The banana's on the catwalk." Yami said.

"Oh my god!" Kaiba yelped. "We've lost track of Razatul! He could be _anywhere_!"

**OooOOOooO **

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Another chapter done. I have a feeling that was fairly short too... Yes, well, long overdue, isn't it? Everyone read Valentine's Day :D


	14. I Think We're A Little Turned Around

**Raza, Razatul, Where Are You? **

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. And I have the weirdest feeling that I just put a ton of lawyers out of work. My job here is done. :D

**D/N:** Oh that's right people… I'm back. I'm back from my long time of not… being back. And ness. Quite. Anyways, I just thought I'd like to tell you that for once, this great delay WAS NOT MY FAULT! You see, my computer is a complete pile of $(($($#&!#!#, so my brother had to completely reformat the pile of $(($($#&!#!#. After that, the internet wasn't working, some of the keys wouldn't connect or something like that… Yeah, I don't know what went on. But all that matters right now is that I'm back and I'm here to treat you all to the next wonderful chapter of 'Of Dogs and Men' because you all just deserve it and ness. So, heave ho! Here we go! I'll never say that again, you know!

I Feel Like Gracing You All With My Words. Bow to Me and Be Thankful I Let You Read My Work:

**Prozac pandA:** Yes, you do seem to have trouble figuring out when I've updated, what with travelling the world and all that. But I seem to have trouble updating, so I'm not gonna bust you too hard on that. :D So, Japan, huh? What's it like? I've always wanted to go but I'm just so lazy… I prefer to wait for continental drift to do its work and push Japan into walking distance. The "High Priest, Attack!" quote… Well, actually, now that I really think about… It seems more Xiaolin Showdown inspired. And for some odd reason, I like that show. And what do you mean, 'intellectual minds'? Have I _ever_ given you reason to believe these guys had any sort of intelligence what-so-ever? I think not! And Joey's hair is cool. Bakura just has bad taste and a horrible fashion sense. I do like _his_ hair though. He's got like… bat-wings or something. And the 'banana on the catwalk' thingie… Yes. Well. I just don't really have any comment for that. Writing stories deteriorates my immense genius. Oh, well. It wasn't like I was planning on being _famous_ or anything one day. And good, cause I'm _totally_ using your sentence at… well, some point in time. Geez, how do you _do_ that? You say freakishly smart things all of a sudden! I idolise you.

**AndromedaDarilk:** :D Yay! A newcomer! Great to have you on board! Well, I'm not going to spoil the ending for you or anything, but you'll learn about dear, old… or young, I should say, KaibaII soon enough. Until then, read on!

**Flame Swordswoman:** MULLET BOY? O.o Who's a mullet? Where's a mullet? I'll get a sword! Show me to the mullet!

**Mandapandabug:** I actually have to think about what Joey's going to do… I haven't gotten that far yet. But you'll know soon enough:D And of course the metal, triangle thing had something to do with the story! I didn't just pop it in there for no reason! (Eriso: Actually, she did. She was like, 'Let's just stick this in there…' And then she came up with a purpose for it after.) Well… I knew I was going to have to do something with it later. (Eriso: She wasn't planning on it, at first. She just wanted to have everyone read about a pointless, metal triangle that was sticking up out of the ground and then see if everyone would forget about it.) Okay, Eriso? Shut up.

**Doomed to Ekko:** Awesome screenname, by the way. You're new, aren't you? Welcome to the reviewing club of O.D.a.M! Here's a sticker:D … And that's all you get. Sorry. :D And are you another, 'I Hate Kaiba' person? THAT'S TOTALLY AWESOMENESS!

**Hazel-Beka:** Oh, don't worry about the review being late. I read it the day I wrote this chapter, so it was technically on time. :D BWUHAHAHAHAHAH! I made you laugh in public. I bet everyone thinks you're a nut now. And now, whenever you go onto the computer at the local library, people will watch you to see if you start laughing again and then lock you up or videotape you and mail it into AFV or some other pointless, home-movie show like that and try to win money. Or something like that, I'm not paying too much attention to what I'm writing right now. And Yami has _always_ been insane. I mean, the guy's been locked in a giant labyrinth for 5000 years! If that's not enough to make some guy - who has in fact lost his memory during the process - completely lose his mind, I don't know what will.

**R.F.K.a.'…':** Everyone's been insane since like… chapter seven. Where have _you_ been? Joey is technically the most sane, but that's only because I figure that after cutting off his hair, he deserves _some_ form of luck. And Yami… well, I don't like Yami. He'll get stupid soon enough. Just you wait. :O MY FROGS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EAT C-KaRDA DUCKS!

**Lovova:** :D Yay! Another newcomer! Welcome to the infamous reviewing list of O.D.a.M! Here's a complimentary sticker! HURRAY!

**Anaraz:** :O What do you mean you're worried? And I hope this wasn't as long a wait as it was before!

**OooOOOooO**

There was a long stretch of silence as Joey and Bakura stared at their newcomer. Seconds slipped into minutes as the three remained frozen in their current position. Finally, several minutes later, Joey offered up the one word he could possibly muster in his condition.

"... Uh... hi." (Shut up! I can count!)

"Greetings, my guests." Razatul said, finishing with a low sweeping bow. "You both seemed to be rather lost, so I thought I might be offer my services. Do you have a question?"

Another silence passed between the trio before Bakura finally asked, "Where's the rock chair you summoned when we first got here?"

Razatul closed his eyes and hummed thoughtfully. "It's over there." He pointed in the direction they came from.

"But we just _came_ from there." Joey said. "How can it be over there now?"

"Because it is."

"Can't argue with that." Bakura muttered. "Well... It's nice seeing you again. We're just going to... leave."

"Alright." Razatul waved at them. "Good-bye."

Joey stared at him for a moment. "That's it?"

"Yes. Good-bye."

Joey and Bakura looked at each other with confusion, then back at Razatul. "That's _really_ it? You're just going to let us go?" Joey asked.

Razatul paused and thought for a few seconds. "Yes, I am. Good-bye."

"You're _really_ just gonna let us waltz out of here?" Joey blinked. "Just like that? Not gonna chase us down or anything?"

"No."

"Okay, Joseph," Bakura chuckled nervously and tugging on the collar of his shirt. "Let's get going now. No need to continue staying-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Joey interrupted. He stared intently at Razatul. "So what you're saying is that you're just going to let us walk away without a fight, find that stone chair we were looking for, and not even bother trying to stop us?"

"_Wheeler_." Bakura growled.

"Of course not." Razatul smiled sweetly. "Why on earth would I do such a thing?"

"Because we're going to find that stupid temple of yours and blow you up!" Joey cried. "You're not going to stop us?"

"_Wheeler!_" Bakura hissed, grabbing at his ear and tugging on it.

"Well..." Razatul sighed. "I _was_ just going to let you walk off, but since you're going to destroy me, and since you just seem so disappointed at my letting you go, I suppose I'll have to kill you then." With that, he drew his sword.

"You. Are. An. Idiot." Bakura told the blonde.

**OooOOOooO**

"Is that him there?" Kaiba pointed a little way off. He was on his stomach, just peering over the top of the hill they were seated on.

"That's sand." Yami replied, lying on his back.

"How about that?" Kaiba pointed to something else.

"Also sand." Yami yawned.

"And that?"

"Sand."

"What about that?"

"Sand."

"And what about that dark thing there?"

"That's sand in the shadow of another mound of sand."

"What about-"

"_Kaiba!_" Yami yelled, looking at his fiercely. "It's sand! It's all sand! All of it!"

Kaiba looked at him for a moment in silence, before pointing to something a while away. "Well... what about-"

"_Sand_."

"Even-"

"That's - Well, actually that's a rock. But it's surrounded by sand!"

Kaiba stared at the rock in disbelief. "Huh. I guess it _is_ sand then."

"Thank you." Yami sighed, rolling his eyes.

A few minutes of silence passed by, before Kaiba cried out, "Omigosh! Look! It's-"

"It's _sand_."

"Really?" Kaiba looked at it hard. "It _really_ looks like Razatul."

"No, Kaiba," Yami muttered, still lying on the ground. "It's sand."

"Oh. Okay, then." Kaiba relented, joining Yami on his back. "Weird. I could've sworn it was him."

"_Aaaaaaaaah!_" Joey and Bakura's voice yelled in the distance.

Yami leapt to his feet, jumping up to see what was the matter. "Look! It's Razatul!"

Kaiba flipped over lazily, checking to see. "Nope. You said it was sand." He concluded, and flipped back over.

Yami looked angrily down at him. "You've officially lost any respect I had for you. Come on." He growled, grabbing forcefully at Kaiba's arm and tugging him to his feet. "We've got to save them."

**OooOOOooO**

"Faster, you insufferable fool!" Bakura roared, hitting Joey repeatedly on the head as he ran.

"_Ow!_ Hitting won't make me run faster!" Joey yelled back. "I can't run if I'm unconscious!"

"Run faster and you won't be." Bakura replied, striking him again.

"Does this satisfy your needs for a chase?" Razatul called behind them, apparently chasing after them at a light jog. He held the sword high over his head. "I can go faster, you know!"

"You better start moving too, you idiot!" Bakura growled, hitting him again. "I refuse to die at the hands of a psychopath!"

"Well, it's not like I _wanted_ him to come after me!" Joey huffed, forcing himself to go faster. "I just couldn't believe that he was letting us go!"

"A chance you wasted." Bakura said, smacking Joey once more. "We could've at least gotten a head-start! Idiot, idiot, _idiot_!"

"Why can't _you_ do something?" Joey asked. "You're supposed to be this 'all-powerful' magic guy who claims to be the supreme ruler of the Shadow Realm. Make him stop!"

"This isn't the Shadow Realm, you moronic imbecile!" Bakura replied. "I have no power over here."

"You got out fast enough." Joey retorted. "Plus you were able to bring Kaiba back in his regular form. Why can't you get all of us into the Shadow Realm and deal with him there?"

"And how do you propose we get him _into_ the Shadow Realm?" Bakura snapped. "I have to have physical contact in order to bring someone."

"Why don't you just knock him out again?"

"Because! Just because!" Bakura gave him another smack, somewhat annoyed at the fact that the idea had not come to _him_ sooner.

"_AND ANOTHER THING!_" Joey yelled. "When he _was_ out, why didn't you dump the poison down his throat anyway? Just to be sure?"

"I _was_ sure-"

"WELL, YOU WERE WRONG!"

"Joey! Bakura!" Yami's voice called out. "Run!"

"Gee, pharaoh," Bakura shouted back over his shoulder, "What on _earth_ gave you _that_ brilliant idea?"

"Hey, Bakura," Joey puffed out, "Wouldn't it make more sense to run towards that rock chair thingie?"

"You're the one with the legs, idiot." Bakura said. "I just need you to move faster."

"Which way are we going then?" Joey asked.

Bakura was silent for a moment, thinking. Finally he said, "I don't know. _You_ figure it out."

"Me? Why me?"

"It's punishment for being an idiot and getting Razatul after us in the first place!" Bakura snapped. "You idiot!"

"Yeah, you idiot!" Razatul growled, alongside Joey.

Joey let out a wild scream at that, and screeched very sharply to a halt. This, unfortunately, led to the abrupt and rather painful dismount of Bakura.

"_Ow! Owowowowowowowowow!_" Bakura roared, flipping over and landing heavily on the ground. "You _idiot_! You absolute, moronic _fool_! Get your pasty ass back over here and pick me up!"

"Everyone for themselves, Bakura!" Joey cried back, charging off in the direction of Yami and Kaiba, who were running towards him. "Good luck!"

Bakura began spewing out every not-so-nice word he knew at this, as Razatul - who was a bit shocked at how fast Joey could stop on sand and had to take a few seconds to turn back around - began running towards him once more. "Everyone for themselves, huh?" He growled viciously to himself. Twisting around best he could, he shrieked back to the others, "_Then you won't mind if I do this!_" And with a blinding flash of pure darkness, Bakura was gone.

Razatul slowed to a stop when he reached the spot Bakura had previously inhabited, pausing long enough to shake his head. "This means I'll have to hunt him down now. Oh, well. Perhaps I'll get my fill from those three."

**OooOOOooO**

Serenity walked home happily from her friend's house, opening the door and throwing her bag inside. "Here, Kaiba! C'mere boy!" she called out softly.

Short, yipping barks sounded from the kitchen, as KaibaII happily padded his way over to the red-haired girl. Giggling with affection, Serenity scooped up the dog and nuzzled him.

"That's a good puppy! And how were you while I was gone?" She cooed. She giggled again, then looked around the house. "Joey? I'm home! Where are you?" Upon receiving no answer, she began to walk upstairs, searching for her brother. "Joey? Are you even here? Did you go out somewhere?"

A soft, strange sound began to echo throughout the house, as she noticed the house become considerably darker for a few moments. KaibaII began to bark at that moment, squirming out of her arms and rushing down the stairs.

"Kaiba!" Serenity cried out, chasing after him, only to stop at the sight of someone sitting on the floor, swearing profusely.

Bakura looked up at her. "Well? What are _you_ looking at?" he snapped.

**OooOOOooO**

"Yami! Kaiba! Save me from that raving lunatic!" Joey wailed, running after them with what energy he had left.

"Which one?" Kaiba asked, with great boredom.

"_Both_ of them!" Joey replied, jumping behind Yami and scanning the horizon.

"Well, there's only one left." Kaiba shrugged. "You got lucky."

"Where did the Tomb Robber go?" Yami demanded.

"Huh?" Joey said, tearing his eyes away from the distant form of Razatul. "Oh, I don't know. I ditched him sometime after he flew off of my back."

"Get out!" Kaiba exclaimed. "He _flew_? That's awesome!"

Joey raised an eyebrow at the supposed brain child. "What's wrong with you?"

"The same thing that was wrong with _you_ not too long ago." Yami said. "I think I've finally figured out what's causing his decrease in intellect."

"Oh yeah?" Joey murmured, not paying too much attention.

"Indeed." Yami nodded, not caring that Joey wasn't paying attention. "Kaiba, how did you and Bakura get back here after Bakura left to get you?"

Kaiba stared at him with a blank expression. "Huh?"

"How did you and Bakura get back?" Yami repeated, a bit more forcefully.

Kaiba stared at him with the same dull expression. "Huh?"

Yami rolled his eyes. "That's right. You and Bakura combined your magic together in order to have the strength necessary to summon a portal here. However, while Bakura was conscious and able to derive his magic from his current energy, I believe that because Kaiba was unaware of the fact that he had mystical abilities from Ancient Egypt-"

"Oh, not _that_ again!" Kaiba said. "Stop bringing that up! That whole Ancient Egypt thing is complete-"

"Candy." Yami told him.

"Ooh! Where?" Kaiba asked, beginning an epic search for the candy.

"As I was saying, because Kaiba was unaware of his mystical abilities, he must have subconsciously used the knowledge of his powers and derived the energy from that knowledge. And since most knowledge is stacked upon like a giant pyramid, once Kaiba derived the energy from the knowledge and forced it to disintegrate into nothing, the pyramid began collapsing in on itself and will eventually continue to do so until he becomes a raving lunatic!"

Joey looked up at him. "So... that means..."

"Kaiba's stupid now and he's going to get stupider until we can do something about it." Yami translated.

Kaiba looked up at them both, a mouth full of sand. "Thiff thuff duffent thaeff too gooff." (Figure it out.)

"I don't know, Yami..." Joey grinned. "I kind of like having him like this. It makes me wonder how on earth he made me fear him."

"You feared him?"

"No. Let's leave him like this!" Joey smiled.

Yami considered it for a moment. "As amusing as that would be, we're probably going to need him later."

Joey shrugged. "Okay... So... how do we change him back?"

"I've got no idea."

"I see."

"But," Yami said, grabbing Kaiba's arm, "As long we're trying to figure how exactly to get his intelligence back and turn him back into the same, arrogant, obnoxious jerk we've all come to know and hate, we may as well find that temple."

"Apparently it's over that way." Joey said, taking the lead. "Hey, Yami?"

"Yes?"

"I know that whole stupid temple of Razatul's is supposed to be the whole trick to defeating him," Joey said, "But how exactly are we going to use it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well... none of us ever heard of it before, so how are we going to use it to stop a crazy, dead guy?"

"... That's a good question."

"Let's just find it first." Kaiba said.

Joey and Yami looked at him. "Glad to see he's not _completely_ useless." Yami said. "He's right. We should focus on actually getting to the temple first. After that, we'll try and figure out how to use it."

Joey sighed. "I hate group projects..."

**OooOOOooO**

"So... you're saying... that my big brother, his best friend and his worst enemy are now in some other dimension wandering around a giant desert fending off attacks from an ancient psycho who's trying to kill them all while trying to reach some temple that they've got nearly no hope in finding and you just left them there because my brother dropped you on the ground?"

"That's right." Bakura nodded, finishing in bandaging his wound. KaibaII busy sat on the ground, scratching his head.

Serenity shook her head in disbelief. "But that's impossible!"

"No, it's _unlikely_." Bakura told her. "But it's completely possible."

"We've got to help them!" Serenity cried. "Joey's in danger!"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "You expect me to just jump back through a whirly-hole and throw myself in the way of _another_ oncoming sword just to save the life of that worthless dolt who left me to die? Face it, child, they're doomed."

Serenity glared at him, grabbing his shirt and shaking him. "You listen here, you jerk! That's my brother we're talking about in there! He's risked his life for lots of people before and even fought his best friend just to get money for my operation! I'm not about to let him die just because some old guy has a grudge against him and because another old guy is too lazy to get off his butt and help!"

Bakura managed to push Serenity away, trying to compose himself after the fierce shake. "Well, it sounds bad it you put it _that_ way." He sputtered, his head still rattling. "But it's not that I'm lazy. I _can't_ do it. The only way I was able to get back in the first time was because I drew upon the subconscious strength of the High Priest."

Serenity thought for a moment. "So use mine."

"Use your what?"

"Use _my_ subconscious powers." Serenity clarified.

Bakura stared at her with disbelief for a short while, before bursting into peals of raucous laughter. "_Your_ powers? _Your_ powers? _What_ powers? You weren't anything special in your past life! You were just a common little girl who idolised her idiot brother! Even _he_ had more powers than you, what with being an enchanted swords-master and the Egyptian dream interpreter. _You_ cannot help what-so-ever."

Serenity looked crestfallen, as she stared down at the ground. "Then... we can't get to him?"

"Nope." Bakura replied. His eyes suddenly went wide. "What's that? What are you doing?"

"Nothing." Serenity whimpered, her bottom lip quivering as little, hiccuping sobs emitted from her. KaibaII looked up at her, his eyes glinting strangely in the light...

"Stop that! Stop that noise at once!" Bakura commanded, only to yelp as Serenity collapsed into all-out, eardrum bursting wails. "_Aaaah! You annoying girl! Stop that! Stop that at once!_"

"Joey's gone! Joey's gone and I never got to say good-bye!" Serenity moaned, tears streaming down her face. "And I can't do anything because I don't have any stupid powers!"

"Would you like me to help?" A gentle, icy cool voice said, washing over them.

Serenity ceased her sobbing at the sound, as both she and Bakura stared awe-struck at the figure who had suddenly appeared before them.

She wore an exquisite, light blue gown that draped on the floor, as a pale green sash adorned her waist. On her head was a delicate crown made of a clear crystal and was filled to the brim with rainbows scattering in every direction. Her tanned skin and exotic features, combined with her flowing hair and sparkling green eyes was enough to take away the breath of anyone. An enchanting, white light surrounded her, so dazzlingly bright that all the other colours in the room seemed eerily dull in comparison.

Bakura's jaw dropped open at the sight of her. "You're... you're..."

The woman smiled, laughing softly. "That's right." She said, her voice like a bell's chime.

"Bakura..." Serenity whispered. "Who is this?"

"_Gaelia_."

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** And there you have it people! The long awaited fourteenth chapter of '_Of Dogs and Men_' is now finished! Extra long, just for you, because you guys waited so... unviciously. If that's a word. That's not a word. Oh, well. Anyway, I hope you were all paying attention to what dear, little KaibaII was doing during that last little scene! OOOOOOOOOOH! Suspicious! (Eriso: Oh, dear gravyness... ) :D REVIEW! What a jerk Bakura is, running out on the others like that... OH! Wait, one more thing! Just so you know, I _do_ realise that there's a bunch of errors scattered throughout the story. I know, I know. Just bear with them for now, because when this story's all done, I'm going to go back and edit every last word and make it picture perfect for you all! Until then... quite...


	15. Heeeeeeeere's,,,Joey?

**It's Temple Time, Baby!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own YGO. Or the word supercalifragjalisticexpialidocious. Mary Poppins owns that word.

**D/N:** Just a moment. Supercalifragjalisticexpialidocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud enough you'll never feel precocious, supercalifragjalisticexpialidocious! ... Yeah, I know those aren't the words. I never watched the movie. I only sang the song. ANYWAYS! Yes, I'm back! Back like a pack! So, Gaelia's in the picture now. Dammit... how do I pull this off AND do the sequel... ? o.O I mean, what sequel? There's no sequel. Of course not. I'd never make you guys wait through another story just to hear the ending. And certainly not one involving Ancient Egypt and Joey's past profession... No, no, no, no way. Yeah... So, anyway... Here's the chapter.

Due to some freakishly random thing that was supposedly posted on the front page of fanfiction, I'm told I can't reply to reviews anymore. I'm going to post this chapter up without my usual replies, but I'm going to see if that was some idiot's bluff or the real deal. Anyway, sorry guys! If it turns out to be false, then I'll post up my replies with the next chapter, okay?

Thanks for reviewing everyone. Prozac, you used so many freakishly cool sentences... I'm going to have to steal them at some point in time. And R.K.F.a.'...', DON'T YOU TOUCH MY DUCKS!

**OooOOOooO**

"Yami... How do you turn his mouth off?" Joey asked, disgust drooling from his words in the same manner salvia drooled from Kaiba's mouth. "I mean, come on! The guy's _gushing_ here! He's a... a... _spitfall_ or something."

"Yes, I noticed." Yami nodded. "That's why I declared it _your_ turn."

"Oh yeah?" Joey snapped, pushing the former genius towards the former pharaoh. "Well, now it's _your_ turn."

Yami wrinkled his nose a bit, but then smiled. "Alright. I'll take him and his drooling ways. But it's only a matter of time before he loses control of his bladder..."

Joey's eyes widened, as he grabbed Kaiba's arm and yanked him back with limited protest. "Okay, okay, I'll take him. But if he start peeing his pants, he's all yours, got it?"

"Mmm." Yami murmured, as they reached the top of the sand hill. Stopping to look around, he said, "Joey? Do you have any idea where the rock chair would be?"

Joey scanned the horizon. "No. Man, if only we had some sort of _sign_. Like... I don't know... Something we left there to mark it."

"I don't suppose that muffin is still there?" Yami asked.

Joey shrugged. "It's too small to spot. Is there anything else?"

"Pointy, pointy..." Kaiba droned, in an unusually high voice.

The others looked at each other with wide eyes.

"The sword!" Joey cried. "Of course! I dropped it at that place where I fought Razatul! I could see the rock chair perfectly from there, and it was from _there_ that I tripped over the temple thing."

"That's perfect," Yami grinned. "Now, where's the sword?"

Joey stopped smiling, looking back at the endless desert. "That's a good question."

**OooOOOooO**

"You're _Gaelia_." Bakura gaped, too stunned to truly say anything else. "You're... you're _her_!"

Gaelia nodded her head. "And you're Bakura, are you not?" She turned her head. "And you would be Serenity."

"How do you know our names?" Serenity asked, picking up KaibaII and holding him close to her. (Bwuahahaha... ) "Who are you? How did you get in my house?"

"Silence, you fool!" Bakura snapped, turning on Serenity. "Don't interrogate her!"

Gaelia shook her head, chuckling. "It's fine, Bakura. I believe I do have some explaining to do, but that shall have to wait for a moment. Right now, the goal is to get the two of you into Razatul's realm. Your brother will need your help soon, Serenity."

"So, what?" Serenity said. "You just pop into my house and then you're going to throw us into some other dimension without explaining to me how you know about this whole situation?"

"There's no time, Serenity." Gaelia replied, a hint of impatience creeping into her voice. "You must go _now_, before it's too late."

Serenity looked hard at her, before slowly nodding. "Alright. But when I come back, I want a full explanation." She put KaibaII on the table, as he cowered in on the edge.

Gaelia smiled in response, before holding her hands out to her. "I'll send you both separately. It conserves energy that way."

Bakura narrowed his eyes slightly. "No, it doesn't."

Turning her head too him - a tad too quickly, he noted - Gaelia smiled again, though it seemed to have a bit more of a 'Shut-up-you-moron' tone to it. "Of course it does," Gaelia said. "There's a special trick to it, Bakura. Now then, Serenity. Close your eyes..."

Serenity slowed let her eyes slip shut, as an aura of light began to surround her. Moments later, she was bathed in light, only to disappear completely.

"Finally!" Gaelia cried, in quite a different voice from before. "God, I thought she'd _never_ leave. What the hell was _that_, Bakura? You almost gave it away! I couldn't get her to go by light magic if she didn't trust me."

Bakura squinted at her, before stepping back. "Who are you?"

"Yeah, my voice is a little hoarse right now, isn't it?" Gaelia-not-Gaelia said, scratching her throat. "All that screaming and stuff... God, who'd have thought being rich and powerful would make you lose your voice? Anyway, it's me! Joey!"

It took all of Bakura's might and main to keep from keeling over right there. Letting out a startled gasp, he cried, "_What?_"

"Yeah, let me get this thing off." Gaelia/Joey said, struggling to get the tiara out of her/his hair. No sooner than he succeeded than he grew blurry, only to return to focus as the Joey Bakura had come to know, except he was in tan robes. "Well? How do I look?"

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "_Why_ are you dressed like that?"

"It's part of my uniform." Joey told him. "Being second to the pharaoh and all that."

"Huh?" Bakura blinked. "Weren't you just with Razatul?"

"No. Well... yes, but..." Joey sighed. "Okay, I'm from the future. Well, more like the past. Actually, it's more like the future's past... er... past's future?"

"I'll be right here when you want to start making sense."

Joey scrunched up his nose in deep thought. "Uh... okay, well... I'm from the future where I got sent to the past."

"... Right."

"Yup."

"Why would you have been sent to the past?"

"Oh, Tartra sent me."

"... Tartra?"

"Yeah," Joey nodded. "Right, you haven't met her yet. Well... she's like this... I don't know... sorceress chick who just sort of popped out of nowhere after we went to that temple in Razatul's realm."

Bakura was silent for a moment before asking again, "So why were you sent to the past?"

"To stop Razatul from destroying the world." Joey said. "Tartra wanted me to do something for her and she promised to do something for us in return. So I said, 'Get rid of Razatul for us' and she said, 'Okay, fine.' So I had to go back in to Ancient Egyptand get this key thing for her, because Tartra thought that it was around that time that Trawmi - that's her brother - lost it. So I went back, but I couldn't find that thing or Trawmi anywhere. A little bit later, Tartra pops in and says that it wasn't in the past anymore. It was in the future, so I went back into the future, but I couldn't find anything. So I went back to the past and checked again and spoke to all the important people that knew about magical artefacts, and they said that they were raided not too long ago, and that whoever it was must've taken the key and shot into the future. So I came back, looking for the key."

"... What's this about a key?"

"Yeah, that's what Tartra sent me to get. I think she called it the..." Joey murmured something under his breath. "The... Tavo... no, Tampvo Key. It's supposed to be the only thing that will get Trawmi moving into the future again."

"What do you mean by that?" Bakura asked. "He's _not_ moving into the future?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

Joey shrugged. "I dunno. They have this weird thing about them that causes them both to go into the past or something."

Bakura looked at him. "So... this 'Tartra' person is... moving into the... _future_ like we are."

"Yeah."

"And 'Trawmi' is moving into the... past?"

"Yup."

"But that makes no sense!" Bakura cried. "Everything would be going backwards for him!"

"Yeah, exactly. That's why they're separated." Joey nodded. "So, Tartra said that she and Trawmi would take care of the whole Razatul thing so long as I got them back their key. Trawmi lost the Tampvo key, so now he's stuck going into the past again. If Tartra didn't have the Opjant Key, she'd be going into the past too. "

"So... why doesn't Tartra just get rid of the Object-or-whatever-you-called-it Key and go into the past as well?" Bakura asked. "You wouldn't have to muck around in the past and she'd be with her brother."

"Well... she said she had already rewound the world to the very beginning. Like, she saw all the dinosaurs and stuff, but everything was backwards. So _now_ she and Trawmi are supposed to go into the _future_ and see everything again, only the right way this time, so there was no possible way she could go back and get the key for her brother because she was tired of seeing everything backwards." Joey sighed. "Look, she explained it way better before."

"I'm sure." Bakura rolled his eyes. "Alright, so you get her this key and she gets her brother and takes care of Razatul for us. So, go get the key."

"Oh, it's not getting the key that's the problem right now. I know where it is." Joey said. "It's trying to give it to Trawmi."

"How on earth is _that_ difficult? Just give it to him!" Bakura told the blonde.

"I can't!"

"Why not?" Bakura asked. "The sooner you give it to him, the sooner they can get rid of Razatul, right?"

"He keeps disappearing into the past." Joey explained. "I see him for half a second and then he disappears. Anyway, I only came back here because I just felt like I could get Serenity to take care of Kaiba so I don't have to keep wiping up his drool. And anyway, she's my little marker. I'm going to drop her on top of a sword."

Bakura looked at him in a slight alarm. "What?"

"Oh, no, no, no, not like that!" Joey said. "Just near it so I can find my way to the sword."

"What sword?"

"Don't worry about it." Joey said. "And the other thing I came back for was you, so I could get you to come with me to Egypt."

Both of Bakura's eyes shot up this time. "Back to Egypt? Why? They hate me there."

"Yeah, but I figure you can come up with something good. Past Kaiba's still a pain in the ass and told me to do it myself." Joey rolled his eyes. "Okay, give me your arms and I'll take us back there."

"You learned time-travelling magic?" Bakura asked.

"No." Joey pointed to a thin, gold chain that Bakura had previously overlooked. "It's got a shard of the Opjant Key on it. It's supposed to make the person go in the opposite direction in time than they were before. That's why Tartra and Trawmi go into the future when they use the keys. We go into the past." Joey's eyes suddenly lit up. "Speaking of keys..." He grabbed KaibaII, who was still on the ground nearby. "Can't forget you, now can I?"

Bakura thought for a moment. "What was that you said before about Kaiba and drool?" He asked, as a white light began to engulf them.

"You made Kaiba an idiot." Joey told him. "Yami said it was something about subconscious knowledge and pyramids... I don't know, I gave up listening and just sort of nodded my way through it."

"I see." Bakura replied, as the trio disappeared from the kitchen once more.

**OooOOOooO**

"That better not be pee I'm smelling..." Joey (the 'present' one) growled, eyeing the CEO in disgust.

Yami took in a deep breath, nearly making Joey gag at the sight of it. "No. It's not pee."

"Gee... Thanks for clarifying..." Joey replied, green in the face. The three reached the top of the next sandhill they were currently climbing. "So, you see that sword yet?"

"No." Yami sighed, shaking his head in despair. "Why do I feel as though we'll be wandering this place for eternity?"

Kaiba gurgled an agreement.

"If only we had some sort of sign." Joey remarked. "This place looks exactly the same the whole way through. Hills and valleys, hills and valleys, sand, sand, sand, and more sand. We just need some sort of... uh... I don't know... big billboard or arrow or-"

"_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!_"

"... Or Serenity plummeting out of the sky!" Joey shrieked, as he watched the undeniable form of his sister appear in a flash of light and meet gravity face to face. "_Hang on Serenity!_" He yelled to her. "_I'm coming!_"

"Let's go, Kaiba." Yami said, grabbing the brunette's arm and tugging him towards the direction of Serenity.

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Yes... This really should have been longer after the length of time I made you guys wait... Buuuuuuut I have to go out soon. Anyways, ciao for now, peepos!


	16. The Usefulness of Falling Siblings

**I Think I'm Starting to Understand... Wait, No, It's Gone Again.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own YGO. EVERYONE MUST KILL HARPER LEE!

Eriso: She's already dead, genius.

**Disclaimer:** Ah. I see. Well, that takes care of that.

**D/N:** This is horrible. Absolutely horrible. I have to do a stupid, pointless, irrelevant, annoying, time-consuming, frustrating, incomprehensible, 800 word essay on poverty in 'To Kill a Mockingbird'. You know what? I'm gonna write a book. And it's going to be called 'To Kill A Bald, Fat Teacher With Idiot Glasses Who Assigns Pointless Essays That No One Cares About and That he Criticises Every Three Seconds and Who Simply Must be Destroyed for Thrusting This Idiot Essay Onto Me and Making it Due for Tomorrow With a Giant, Huge-Ass Hammer.' What do you think? Think it'll be a hit? I do. I really do. I'll hand it out to all the kids in my English class, and we'll have a blast. ANYWAYS! I really should get back to work... It's already 10:06pm, and you know what I have done so far? The thesis. And even _that's_ crap. Wow, for a self-proclaimed, insanely genius writer, today is definitely not my day... Oh well. Hopefully this'll be enough to... I don't know... unclog that drain that's keeping all my brilliant writing skills at bay. AnYwAyS, I'm pretty sure by now you've either scrolled down or have died of complete, utter boredom at having to trudge your way through my rant which has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand. That is to say, this story. So... yeah, I'm done.

**Ah, Screw the Fanfiction Rules. Here's Your Replies:**

**Lady-Crymsyn:** Why thank you. I thought so. :D

**Mandapandabug:** o.O Oh great, now I have to think of a reason! Uhm... well, because I was saying, 'Good-bye until next time,' and 'ciao' rhymes with 'now,' therefore 'ciao for now' works perfectly! Sheesh! Quit makin' me think! My head hurts enough as is... And what do you mean you hate it when people bow to you? That's the greatest thing in the word! Because you can throw stuff in their hair and no one will see it because they'll all be looking at the ground! Ha, ha! I'm so clever at think up devious plots like that... yeah, no.

**Prozac pandA**: I'm back to replying! I figure you all need my good words to brighten your days, so here they are:D No, I'm _not_ conceited. I just think quite highly of myself. ANYWAYS, yeah, finals do suck. Badly. And don't worry about the whole Tartra and Trawmi biz-e-niss, because I'll be explaining it all next chapter. Bakura and patience... yeah, not an everyday thing, but I figure, 'I threw the guy into a realm to get tortured by a random psycho dude who eventually stabbed him, ridiculed his cooking abilities and sent him on a wild goose chase for a temple that could have been non-existent. Making him listen to Future Joey doesn't seem _too_ farfetched.' And hopefully it isn't. And of course no one can understand it. I've got a brain the size of a watermelon! ... I just shrunk it so it could fit into a normal sized head. :D Child, orthopaedic shoes do not make ANYONE happy. They annoyed me terribly, and I am quite happy that I accidentally-on-purposely stuffed them into my old boots and chucked them out. And sorry, Razatul isn't in this chapter either. And he probably won't be in the next chapter. And I doubt he'll be in the sequel. But he'll definitely be back in the third chapter of the trilogy! Wow... I should really start using paragraphs for replies...

**BLUEBELL:** Yes, don't worry about the keys, they'll all be explained next chapter. And I'll try my best to keep as under the radar as possible with reviewing in order to avoid any kill-joys who'll be like, 'DURR, THAT CHICK IS URR... BREAKING DA RULES!' and the report me. ... That's why I stuck at the top. For everyone to see. Oh, dear...

**Anaraz:** :D Oh, believe me, not only do I know it, but I shout it to random people on the streets as well. I find it adds onto my character as a person. Anyways, glad you liked the chapter!

**R.F.K.a.'...':** Oh, yeah, don't worry. I'd never bring up something as big as that and then forget all about it and leave you guys going, 'What the hell _was_ she talking about, anyway?' The whole bit about having to look like Gaelia will be looked after in the sequel, so don't worry about that either. And I made this chapter n-i-i-ice and long, just for you:D ... You do realise I'm going to have to find another creature to attack you? ... Yes! That's it! GO, MY MONSTERS OF CHEESE! ATTACK WITH YOUR CHEESY CHEETOS CHEESENESS! God I hate that word now...

**Yami Koibito:** Yes, I know. Ew. Major ew. Imagine if he started losing control of his bladder... That's not a good image. Aaaaaaand now it's stuck in my mind. Lovely. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

**OooOOOooO**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Tumbling, twisting and turning, Serenity fell towards the desert sand, picking up speed as she plummeted.

Somehow or another, she had found the strength within herself to try and see where it was, exactly, that she was going to land. Turning her head forcefully, she looked down towards the flat, oncoming ground. Something sparkled below her, getting larger and more in focus the closer she got.

"Is that a _sword_?" she shrieked.

Sure enough, there was Joey's abandoned sword, pointy end up, and the only thing stopping her from hitting the ground at breakneck speed.

"Oh, what the hell!" she cried, and promptly began flapping her arms. (You never know. Evolution makes dramatic leaps.)

Unfortunately for her, evolution did not decide to leap at that point in time.

**OooOOOooO**

"Joey, will you wait up? Or at least help me with _this_ one?" Yami called to the blonde, quickly disappearing over the sandhill in front of him. Yami trudged up to the top, the CEO spouting gibberish and other incoherent noises.

"My sister," Joey yelled over his shoulder, "Is about to hit the ground and die!"

"Relax." Kaiba said, taking a break from his insanity to string together a sentence. "It's not like you'll reach her in time."

Joey let out a wild moan of terror, urging himself faster.

"Nice going, genius." Yami snapped.

"Flying ju-jitsu catfish!" Kaiba replied, breaking out of Yami's grasp and running to catch up with Joey.

Yami sighed and shook his head, continuing forward at his same, almost leisurely pace. "I swear... I need a leash of some sort. Or a tranquilliser."

Finally, after a few more moments of grumbling, he too broke out into a run.

**OooOOOooO**

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH- Oh!"

Bounce.

Bounce.

Stop.

Begin Hyperactive Breathing. (Accelerate! ... Yeah, no.)

Serenity finally opened her eyes, looking around. She had missed the precariously positioned sword by a mere four inches, judging by the dent of her first bounce. Standing up and brushing herself off, she checked herself to make sure she was alright.

Fortunately, she was. (Dammit. Don't worry, guys. I'll get her next time.)

Looking around, she began to get her bearings. Or at least, _attempt_ to. There didn't seem to be a sun overhead to figure out what direction she was facing. She had ever so conveniently landed on her watch, so that was gone too. Finally, she was quite certain that there was no place on earth that had a blood red sky and yellow sand and had a random sword sticking up out of the dirt. (Eriso: Well, _technically_ - Me: Don't you start with your damn technicalities, woman!)

So, without much else to do, and with no apparent risk of sunburn or maiming and/or fatality from random monsters, due to lack of both, she laid down on the gently warmed sand and went to sleep.

Because that's what all smart people who dropped out of the sky and just missed being impaled by a precariously positioned sword and defy the laws of nature by surviving a drop that high and land in random deserts do.

Really.

Hours passed until she was shaken awake.

"_... Serenity... Serenity_..." A voice was calling to her.

She grunted something, but after the persistent voice refused to leave her, she opened her eyes. "Wha... ?"

"Serenity!" Joey cried, hovering over her. "You're alive! You're not dead!"

"That's what 'alive' means, idiot." Kaiba said, before returning to his rather one-sided conversation with the invisible shoemaker about how pointless rhetorical questions were and explaining that the only reason Wil E. Coyote didn't buy himself dinner and insisted on pursuing the roadrunner was because it had become a matter of pride. (That's one mystery of life solved!)

"Huh ...? Oh... Joey, hi. Yeah, you're alright, right?" Serenity asked, still groggy.

Joey shrugged. "As good as it gets with a self-proclaimed, spiteful, psychopathic villain bent on revenge who has an unending thirst for self satisfaction and gratification after you." (Thank-you, Prozac!)

"Well, that's nice." Serenity murmured, a drunken smile on her face. "I just fell out of the sky and missed getting impaled by a sword ever so conveniently placed in the general location of where I was about to land after being sent to this place by some crazy, magic, princess person." She suddenly squinted at him. "What the heck happened to your hair?"

"Let's not talk about that right now..." Joey muttered, mourning the loss of the entire front of his beloved, blond locks.

Yami was looking around, turning repeatedly in slow circles. "Joey, we have to find the rock chair."

"How?" Joey asked. "We don't know where it is. We need to find the sword... oh. Well, that was fast."

Serenity groaned, getting up stiffly. "Alright," she said, "I'm here now. So what am I supposed to do?"

"How'd you get here, anyway?" Joey asked her.

"I told you. Some crazy, magic, princess person sent me here." Serenity said, stretching. "She said you were in trouble and I had to help you." She looked around again. "There was someone else who was supposed to come with me too. Bert... Bob... Brandon... I don't know. He told me it, but I guess the fall must have scared it out of me. It was weird sounding, anyway. Something with a 'B'."

"Was he loud, rude, obnoxious and a complete know-it-all?" Yami questioned.

Serenity nodded.

"Bakura."

"That's the one!"

"Yami! Is that it?" Joey called to the pharaoh, pointing to a microscopic, (OH MY GAWD! DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THAT SHOW GHOST-WRITERS! I think they had a few books too... I remember they had to write this letter thing with invisible ink that could only be seen in certain lights, and the teacher said that they weren't allowed to just hand in a blank piece of paper and call it invisible because he'd fail their lying asses, and then at the end this guy leaves the Ghost-Writer headquarters and shines a flashlight on this sheet of paper and the paper reveals some writing and he's like, "Cool!" and then leaves! ... Anyone? ... No? ... Alright.) nearly undetectable by anyone with perfect vision, tiny, midget-sized blip on the horizon.

"It's... possible that that might be it!" Yami said, then added excitedly, "Yes! Yes I think that's it!"

"What're we looking for?" Serenity asked.

"A rock chair." Joey told her.

"Like that one over that way?" Serenity pointed to a small rock chair not too far off in the other direction.

Yami looked at it in disbelief for a moment. "... Yes."

"Okay, then!" Serenity declared. "Let's get going!" And with that, she marched off towards the rock chair, Seto Kaiba close behind.

**OooOOOooO**

"Alright, Joey." Yami said, leaning on the rock chair that he had had the distinct displeasure of being attached to for quite an unreasonable amount of time. "We're here. Where's the temple?"

"I didn't say it was _at_ the rock chair. I said it was between _it_ and the sword." Joey said. "Alright, well, let's get to work finding this thing. Remember, silver, polished, pointy. Like a pyramid." Joey winced slightly, and almost ducked. The fear of having Bakura pop out of nowhere and beat him again lingered in his mind.

"So we have to check all that?" Serenity asked. She looked at the long stretch of sand between the chair and the sword off in the distance, barely noticeable and glinting under the light of the realm. "That'll take forever!"

"No. Just run." Joey said. "And besides, we only have to check near the middle and go in a straight line. It shouldn't take _that_ long."

"Where's Kaiba?" Yami suddenly asked.

The other two snapped to attention, looking around, trying to pick out the shape of the recently snapped CEO. Instead, they found sand being flung up into the air.

"That's him." Joey said. "That's gotta be him. No one else could be flinging sand around."

"It could be Razatul." Yami pointed out.

"Who's Razatul?" Serenity wondered. "Not that crazy, psycho guy?"

"Yup." Joey nodded. "That's him. And that's _not_ him. In the sand, I mean. If it was Razatul, Kaiba would be here, and since he's not, then that's Kaiba."

Yami sighed. "There are so many questions I could ask that would make you realise that your logic has no ground to it, but frankly, I don't care right now. Alright, let's go get Kaiba then."

**OooOOOooO**

**D/N:** I'm sure by now you're wondering one of two things: a) Why on earth are there so many magical scene changing, bold, capital, lowercase, lowercase, capital, capital, capital, lowercase, lowercase, capital 'O's' in this chapter and b) Why aren't we hearing anything besides small, minor mentions about Bakura/Gaelia?

Well, first of all, I really don't feel like writing, 'And then they walked there... and then they walked to that place... and then they walked back there... and on the way there...' I'm much more of a 'GET TO THE DAMN POINT!' person, ergo, there are lots of c.l.l.c.c.c.l.l.c, bolded 'O's'.

Secondly, the reason why there is only a little blurb (ehehehe... blurb...) in which Bakura is mentioned like... once is because he's done. Gone. History. Literally. And I'll get more into that in the second part (a.k.a sequel, which is now officially guaranteed because not only do I not feeling like having a 40 chapter long story or summarising basically everything in another ten chapters, I've already got the titles picked out.) of the trilogy (Yup. Another _two_ are on their way. You're in for a long period of chapter delays and annoying cliff-hangers.) so there's no point in explaining what it is I mean by 'History. Literally.'

Thirdly, why is there no mention of Gaelia except two little sentences? Because I don't feel like making Serenity talk about her, that's why.

My OC's don't get a lot of attention, nowadays.

Well, except for Razatul, but Razatul doesn't count.

ANYWAYS...

Oh dear... A big, black screw just fell off of my chair and I've no idea where it came from. If this thing collapses on me...

**OooOOOooO**

"See?" Joey said, pointing at the CEO in a foot-deep pit. "I told you it wasn't Razatul."

"Why's he... digging like that?" Serenity asked, peering at Kaiba who was madly digging into the sand... doggy style. (I don't know what else to call it.)

"I found it!" Kaiba called up to them. "The temple! I found the temple!"

Joey looked around. "I don't see any temple."

"It's under here." Kaiba said, continuing to dig. "It's underground. He hid it, you know. So no one would find it. But _I_ did."

"That's very good, Kaiba." Yami cooed, reaching a hand towards him. "Why don't you stop scratching in the dirt and get out of that hole-"

"No!" Kaiba snarled, baring his teeth at the pharaoh who couldn't pull his arm away fast enough. "I've been in this place all day - maybe even longer than a day! The only way to get out is via the Shadow Realm, and apparently the only other person who can get us _to_ the Shadow Realm has already used that route. I want out! I'm tired of walking around all day! I'm tired of staring at sand! I'm tired of old men hitting on me, even if I _am_ a sexy, young thing! So I'm going to get out of here, and Bakura said that the only way of getting out is through this temple! And God help you if _anyone_ tries to get in my way!"

Joey blinked at him, then turned to Yami. "I don't get it. Is he smart again?"

"Turkey-flavoured Popsicle!"

"No." Yami replied. "I don't think so. He just has these moments..."

"Hey! Is this what everyone's looking for?" Serenity said, pointing towards a small, triangular piece of metal protruding from the ground.

Joey looked behind him. "Yeah! That's it! That's what I tripped over!"

Yami crouched down and studied it, running a finger along the polished edge. "This could certainly pass for the top of a pyramid." He nearly toppled over at the sudden attack of a sandball hurled at his head.

"_Temple!_" Kaiba snapped, then got back to work.

Yami growled at him, then turned back to the temple's tip. "Well, Joey, if this is the temple, then I'm afraid we're out of luck. We can't get to it."

Joey frowned. "But there's gotta be a way! Remember? Bakura said that these temples can't be completely hidden!"

"It's not." Yami said. "I'm staring at the tip right now. Besides, he said it couldn't be _completely hidden._ Not that it couldn't be impossible to get to.

"That's a little unfair." Serenity said. "I'm sure there's some kind of path to the door..."

"I'm making one!" Kaiba hollered from the pit.

"Yeah, keep up the great work." Joey told him. He sighed, sitting down on the ground. "Well, _this_ was a waste of time."

Yami and Serenity sat down as well.

The girl, however, decided to take a closer look at the piece of metal. Thin, nearly invisible lines were etched onto its surface, but completely unnoticed when felt. It was as if someone hid them behind a pane of glass, so you could touch the glass, but not the grooves of the lines.

She stared deeply at the lines. They created various shapes and symbols that she eventually decided were some sort of Egyptian writing, due to the random birds and eyes covering it. But most importantly of all, there was a thin, impalpable arrow pointing downwards. Serenity reached a finger to it, but once again, felt nothing but a smooth surface.

Bored of having nothing better to do than listen to her brother whine, Yami remaining absolutely silent, and Kaiba constantly assuring them that the tunnel he was burrowing into would be finished soon, she began to scratch away at the sand below the arrow.

Almost immediately, she felt a bump on the surface.

"... never going to find that stupid door!" Joey was saying. "We're going to be trapped in this place forever!"

"Uh-huh." Yami grunted.

"I mean, this temple is buried under the ground. It could go on for miles." Joey growled. "There has to be... some sort of... I don't know, _switch_ or something."

"This place is a giant metaphor, Joey." Yami said, waving his hand around. "'A desert of hopelessness'. That's what we're in now. And this temples - which symbolises his _fears_ - has been buried. He _buried his fears_. Besides, who wants their fears roaming about their personal realm?"

"I still say there should be a switch." Joey grumped. "I want to know where that door is so we can get in and get _out_ of here! I don't even care about stopping Razatul now!"

It was an eye. The all-seeing eye, actually, Serenity realised. The pupil was raised, with a very thin but touchable ring of space around it. Like it could be moved.

"_Where's that stupid door?_" Joey roared, punching the air.

Serenity pushed the pupil, shocked that it moved inwards though it was what she hoped would happen. Almost immediately, the ground underneath them began to shake.

Kaiba jumped out of the pit with lightening speed, rushing off towards the nearby sand hills, while Yami and Joey sat up very straight.

"What's going-" Yami began, but his words were lost in the sharp _crack_ that resonated throughout the desert as the ground began to split open.

"Get on the hill with Kaiba!" Serenity said, rushing up to get off, but the ground suddenly fell away from under all three of them, and soon they were all falling into a deep, dark, underground cavern.

Kaiba jumped in after them, screaming something about being the new Christopher Columbus of tissue paper and yelling at his shoemaker friend to stop contradicting him.

After the sand finally stopped caving in on them and the dust settled, the four slowly sat up, now quite aware of the great, silver temple looming over them, the entrance dark and ominously open and unguarded.

"Oh," Joey coughed. "There it is."

As the four got up, brushing themselves off, Yami asked, "Well, do we go in?"

Kaiba answered this by running straight into the temple.

"Just give him a moment." Joey said. "If he dies, we'll know it's not safe."

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** Yes, there! I'm done! So, I just thought you'd all like to know _why_ exactly, I won't be able to update over the Christmas vacation. - -;; Because I get to go to Nova Scotia to chill with my grandparents, uncle with a crazy wife, and other uncle who, at age 30, still lives with his mommy and daddy. (My mom's the only one who actually went out and got a life. A good one, I mean.) So, yes, I won't be here. But the delay shouldn't be anything too new for you guys. So, I went and updated all my stories just so you'd all have something to read over the break. Enjoy it, you guys!

One (or possibly two, but I doubt it) chapter left before the second part comes out!


	17. Tartra and Her Woes

**Oh, _Now_ I Get It!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own YGO. But thanks for asking! God, I want ice-cream...

**D/N:** Here it is, kids and kiddies! The final chapter of the first book, '_Of Dogs and Men_'! The second is going to be coming out shortly, so don't you worry about a thing! Thank you so much for everyone who stuck with me so far, and I hope this chapter is up to your standards as a proper ending for part one.

IMPORTANT! I cleaned up chapter 15 a bit so that it fits in better later. You don't need to go back and read it right now, but just know that it's been edited.

**Reviews, Reviews, I Love My Reviews:**

Mandapandabug: Wow. 'Joey' and 'logic' in the same sentence... THERE'S something you don't see everyday. Anyways, enjoy the chappie, panda!

Bluebell: Oh, don't worry. Bakura will definitely be back, but sometime in the middle of the second book. Never fear! I'd never leave Bakura out! Thanks for taking pleasure in Kaiba's pain! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. :D

Chibiangelailessa: Hey, thanks! And I hope you keep reading!

Earthpaw: Don't you worry! It's not supposed to make sense yet. This chapter will clear up about half of it, but the rest will be cleared up along the course of the second book. I was trying to go for the whole, 'NOW I get it!' effect. Anyway, thanks for reviewing. I hope you like this chapter too.

Anaraz: I think it's because everyone's saying, 'Let's see what the crazy child is going to write next!' ... Also, I'm _that_ addictive. :D

Yami Koibito: Just to let you know, your hair comment made me remember that I hacked off Joey's hair, so that very last sentence Tartra says is dedicated to you. Wow, I really hope _my_ Yu-Gi-Oh fangirlness is still there. O.o Wouldn't it suck if I just randomly lost it during the middle of the story? And thanks very, _very_ much for the award! YES! I'M ACTUALLY GOOD AT SOMETHING!

R.F.K.a.'...': STOP MELTING MY MONSTERS! Sheesh! They're supposed to be minions of destruction, not generous portions of condiments! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING! ... Anyway, I think you'll be happy to know that this is my - I think - longest chapter of the story. Glad you liked Joey's little bit. I got the weird feeling that he'd probably say that if this particular situation ever appeared on the show. ... But I doubt it. Unless they started copying my ideas. Whoever _they_ are... Right. I'm officially hyper now.

Lady-Crymsyn: I like your penname. Very coolness. Anyways, glad you liked it!

Prozac pandA: I know this was from last chapter's review, but God, I gotta hand it to ya, you know how to make me laugh. Hahaha... Tartar... :D

Thanks to everyone who reviewed this chapters and all the others! I love ya!

**OooOOOooO**

The temple was a very familiar looking place to Joey. Probably because it greatly resembled every decrepit building that held within it the demise of a group of spunky teenagers recognised from various horror movies. It was either housing an army of ghosts or a deranged psychopathic killer. At any rate, Joey certainly felt as though this was to be the last place he would ever be.

Shadows jumped out at him at every step, old, broken windows stared at him, covered in layers of grime and other ingredients he was sure he didn't want to know about. Thin, weak beams of light dripped in through the hole they collapsed in, spilling in through various holes in the temple's roof. A steady stream of water droplets echoed throughout the structure, the structure itself weak enough to collapse from those gentle vibrations. Inside was a maze of hallways, stairs and, quite possibly, ancient booby-traps that everyone would assume had broken down long ago until someone was snapped up at the last possible moment. It was quite safe to assume that any careless step they made would most assuredly be their last.

And Yami had insisted they go in after Kaiba.

"We don't want to lose track of him, Joey." Yami had said. "He might get to where we need to be and we'll have no way of finding him."

"But what if he dies?" Joey hadprotested. "What if a giant hole opens up again and he falls in and gets impaled by a thousand million spikes or immortal snakes waiting for their next meal at the bottom of a pit?"

"That's why he's leading."

The pharaoh's words were comforting for the short moment required to get the trio into the temple, but they were beginning to lose their effect as of now.

"Yami." Joey said, walking in the middle of the spirit and his sister.

There was no reply. Yami continued to walk towards Kaiba's shadowy figure off in the distance.

Joey tried again. "_Yami_."

Still nothing.

"_Yami!_" Joey shouted, grabbing the pharaoh and tugging on his arm.

Yami turned around, frustrated. "What is it _now_, Joey?"

"There's someone up there!" Joey whimpered.

"That's Kaiba, Joey." Serenity said. Even she was exasperated from the ridiculous amount of stops they had to make. Joey seemed to be paranoid of everything.

He shook his head at them. "No, I mean someone else. It's like... it's like Kaiba's _following_ someone, y'know? That's why he hasn't been killed yet. Because someone's leading him through. I can just feel it."

"Maybe," Yami said in a low voice, "It's a vampire, and it's waiting to get all of us in the middle of this place so it can suck out our blood and multiply..."

A sharp squeak made its way out of the blond, who promptly turned to his younger sister for support.

"Don't worry, Joey," Serenity smiled. "I'm sure it's nothing. It's just your imagination."

Joey murmured something but accepted her reasoning, allowing them to continue on.

**OooOOOooO**

"Where are they?" Razatul wondered aloud, scanning the horizon. He had been sensing them not too long ago, following their direction at a leisurely pace, only to have them disappear. "They couldn't have gotten out... I would've known."

Suddenly, his eyes fell upon a gaping hole in the middle of his desert.

"So... They're trying to do away with me, are they?"

**OooOOOooO**

"_... Turn left here_..."

Kaiba turned left, stepping over a pile of broken bricks that lay in the hall, long forgotten.

"_... Now, when you come to the end of the hallway, turn right..._"

Kaiba obliged once more, following the voice's instructions. He turned at the end of the hall, coming to a series of steps that led to a great room. In the centre was what was once a magnificent fountain the sprayed water through the intricate tower that now rested in the middle, as tattered as the rest of the building. In the pool was murky water, and by the water was a faint wisp of a figure.

"_... Walk down the stairs and come to me. We'll wait for your friends together..._"

Slowly, with a far greater air of caution than before and considerably more than one in his mental state, Kaiba made his way to the fountain. Clearing a space on the pool, he sat down, turning towards the wisp.

"So..." he said, looking into it. "Who are you then?"

"_... A friend..._"

"Well, that's nice."

**OooOOOooO**

"He went this way." Yami said, staring determinedly down the hall. "I'm sure of it."

"And where'd he go after that, huh?" Joey demanded. "Just disappeared, right? And so now we're going to go after him and disappear too?"

"Joey, he would've screamed." Serenity told him.

"He's too _stupid_ to scream!" Joey said, throwing his hands into the air. "He's gone! He's dead, and I am _not_ going to go down there to see that corpse of his!"

"Where are you, little ones?" Razatul's voice broke in, attacking them from every angle.

"Alright then, Joey. You stay here. Keep Razatul company." Yami shrugged. "Come on, Serenity. We'll find Kaiba."

The two began walking down the hall, stepping over various, shattered bricks that obscured their paths.

Joey stood at the entrance, standing and looking at their receding forms defiantly. "Well - _fine_! Go to your dooms then. I'll just stay here, nice and safe."

"Down _there_, perhaps?" came the chilling voice once more.

"Oh, alright! Wait up!" Joey called to them, rushing after the pair.

When the three had reached the end of the hall, Serenity pointed to the right.

"There!" she cried. "Kaiba's in there. By the fountain, see?"

"He's not moving..." Joey observed, drawing back slightly.

Yami shrugged again, taking a few steps forward. "Would you rather have him on the ground twitching?"

"Yes." Joey said. "Because then I'd know he wasn't completely dead yet."

"Dead people can twitch." Serenity said. "I saw it on Discovery."

"What the heck were you doing watching a Discovery episode about dead people twitching?" Joey said.

Kaiba waved to them from the fountain, watching as they approached.

Yami spoke first. "Kaiba, why'd you come _here_ of all places?"

"Because this is where we're going to die..." Joey mumbled, ignored. "It's the perfect setting. Look at it."

The CEO pointed to the left of him. "She told me to."

"Oh, God..." Joey whined. "The killer's always the first to go insane..."

Yami ignored him. "She? Who's she?"

"Tartra." Kaiba replied, pointing again. "She's sitting right there. Can't you see her?"

"No."

"Well, that's alright." Kaiba chirped. "I couldn't in the beginning either. Then she just kinda... popped out of nowhere."

At that moment, Tartra was visible to them, seemingly popping out of nowhere just as Kaiba had described. It was all Joey needed to shriek and cause a rafter to collapse, consequently encouraging more shrieks. Ittook the combined effort of Yami and Kaiba to shut him up.

"Sorry." Joey said, now face-first on the ground.

"Ah, that's alright." Tartra said, in an upbeat voice. "I'm used to people shrieking in terror. It's never a proper introduction if a rafter doesn't come crashing down, really."

The girl, Tartra, apparently, sat to the left of Kaiba, right where he had pointed. Wildly curly, ice-blue hair was pulled into a very high ponytail on the top of her head as she gazed at them with sparkling, green eyes in a sea of tanned skin. A bright green t-shirt with a white collar at the neck and at the ends of her sleeves adorned her frame, covered by a jean blue pair of overalls - complete with jean straps that went over her shoulders - and that ended just above her knees. On her feet were white sneakers, too clean to have been in here for very long.

Serenity studied the girl in front of her for a moment. She looked to be no older than her. "How'd you get here?"

"Oh, I'm always popping into one realm or another, poking around to see if anyone's home." Tartra explained, happily. "It's the first time I've actually _seen_ someone here. I'm never in for very long, you see? So imagine my surprise when I heard an explosion from overhead when I poofed in."

"That wasn't an explosion." Serenity said. "That was just us crashing through the roof."

"Really?" Tartra said, in a voice just as happy but hiding any signs of real interest if any were there. "Well, no matter. The point is that it caught my attention, so I brought _him_ here in the hopes that you guys would follow." She smiled broadly. "Glad to see it worked."

"What are you doing here?" Yami asked, getting off of Joey. "And why'd you come _here_?"

"Well, I came here looking for help." Tartra said. "You guys gonna help me? I'll give you a great reward! Anything you want!"

There was silence for a few moments.

"... Can you get rid of Razatul?" Joey asked.

Tartra blinked at him. "Razatul? Who's Razatul?"

"He's the creator of this realm." Yami explained.

"Oh, right. Sure. Whatever. I'll take care of him for ya, but _you_," she looked at Joey, "will have to do something for _me_."

"Me?" Joey repeated. "Me? Why me?"

Tartra shrugged. "I don't know. I just figured you might want to get out of this creepy little castle for a while."

Almost immediately Joey said, "What do I have to do?"

Tartra grinned. "Well, you see, I've got a brother. His name's Trawmi. You're with me so far?"

They nodded slowly.

"Good." She said. "Because the rest gets pretty complicated from here on out." Taking in a deep breath, she carried on. "Alright, so, Trawmi and I have three things going for us. One: We're both masters of magic, specifically with things to do with time. Two: We're both immortal. Three: We both have this weird thing that causes us to go backwards in time."

"... Backwards?" Yami said.

"Yeah!" Tartra nodded. "Like when you're watching a movie and you hit the rewind button? You see everything going backwards. Everyone's talking backwards, everyone's moving backwards... You know. Backwards. Well, that's how we live. Everything goes backwards for us."

"You're not going backwards now." Serenity pointed out.

"Well, no, because I've got the Opjant Key." Tartra said, plucking out a golden key dangling on a chain from behind her shirt. "This thing makes me see things properly. Forwards, if you will. Like I've pressed 'stop' and then 'play'. I see things how you do." More nods. "Right, so, Trawmi and I both have Keys that cancel out our tendency to go backwards and make us go forwards at the same speed as the rest of the world. Mine's the Opjant Key, and his is the Tampvo Key."

There was a pause, as Yami asked, "So... what do you want us to do?"

Tartra laughed. "Well, you see, smart as my dear brother is, the genius lost in the Tampvo Key during 3000 B.C somewhere in Egypt, so he started going backwards again. I, of course, still holding my key, continued to go forwards, so we got a little... separated. Anyway, what I want is for you to go and get the Tampvo Key and give it Trawmi for me so we can experience the world from beginning to end this time."

"'This time'?" Yami questioned. "What do you mean 'this time'?"

"Oh, we were born at the Apocalypse." Tartra grinned. "So, since we weren't alive long enough to sin but still wanted to see the world, we kind of got infused with these 'mystical powers' and we went backwards through time right to the beginning. It was pretty cool. We saw a whole bunch of neat stuff! But, you know, things aren't really as cool as when they're playing in reverse. Sure, it's really suspenseful. You're looking at a burned down, old building and then you see it go into flames and the fire-fighters are there, and you're thinking for a while, 'What the heck's going on?' and _then_ you see the careless custodian dropping the cigarette onto the floor. But anyway, we saw everything. Went right back to the beginning, really. Saw God in all his glory, and He said, 'You're going the wrong way!' and then we told Him what happened to us and He gave us these two keys and sent us on our way.

"Anyway, Trawmi was going through Egypt when he suddenly disappeared. I looked around and I saw the Tampvo Key on the ground. But... someone else got to it first and accidentally tapped into its powers. They went back a few seconds and then suddenly they realised the potential powers and took it to this sacred gallery thing. Well, I couldn't very well get in there to get the key back, so I figured, 'Let me go talk to someone who can get it back for me.' Well, I spoke to priests and servants and finally even to the pharaoh - Gee, you look like him! - but no go. I didn't get in, so I decided to poke around various realms and see if there was anyone in there that could help me."

"Why don't you just get rid of your key thing?" Joey asked. "Then we wouldn't have to go get it for you and you'd be able to be with your brother."

Tartra rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. "Uh, ­_hello!_ Weren't you just listening to me? We already _went_ backwards. We want to go forwards now. We need that key back, and getting rid of the Opjant Key isn't going to help any." She stopped for a moment. "I could go for some ice-cream. Anyway, you'll get it for me?"

Joey, realising she still meant for him to go, replied, "Uh... Yeah, sure... But if _you_ couldn't get it, what makes you think _I_ can?"

**OooOOOooO** **Important Director's Note OooOOOooO**

Wow, I had a weird dream about Pirates of the Caribbean last night... Anyway, I've only been watching an episode here and an episode there of Dawn of the Duels, just to get the gist of things. I truly don't know the past lives of Tea, Tristan, Joey or... well, anyone else who I'm too lazy to mention. Therefore, please don't start snapping at me for getting the past lives wrong or throwing them out of whack. I know they're not right. I've _made_ them to be not right so it fits in with my story. I'm taking Ancient Egypt far, far away from the usual Yu-Gi-Oh style, so just be warned that a lot of the things I'm going to write about aren't going to be exactly... accurate.

**OooOOOooO** **You Better Have Read That OooOOOooO**

"Oh, you can." Tartra giggled, almost vibrating with a sudden burst of excitement. "You see, I remember you from your past life. You worked your way up to a pretty convenient position to get that key back! That's why you're going to be perfect. You'll succeed where I failed."

"... If you say so." Joey shrugged.

"Then you'll do it?" Tartra said, clasping her hands together.

"Yeah, sure." Joey shrugged again. "Why not?"

Tartra squealed ecstatically. "Then you'll need a mode of transportation, won't you?"

"... Yes..." Joey said slowly. Something was slightly off about this girl. She seemed a bit too happy.

At that, she clapped her hands together. A blue-green orb came into focus above her hands, as she delicately reached into it and picked out a golden chain. Then she gently rubbed the chain on the Opjant Key and then handed the entire key to the blond.

"There! This'll get you to Ancient Egypt." Tartra said. "Since I don't have the Opjant Key anymore, I'll be going backwards with you. Once there, I'll take the key from you and give you this. It now officially has the essence of Opjant on it, so you'll be able to go backwards through time a little bit later when you have the Tampvo Key to give it to Trawmi."

"I thought you said the keys made you go forward." Yami butt in.

"Did I say that?" Tartra said. "Well, what I meant was that it cancels out your current time direction and makes you go the opposite way. So, sincethis one'sgoing forwards right now, the Opjant Key's going to make him go backwards when he taps into it."

"Wait - What if I go back too far?" Joey said, as she hastily tied the key around his neck.

"Don't worry!" Tartra said. "I'll be going back at the same speed as you, so I'll be right be your side the whole time. I'll get you to where you need to go, clothed and everything. I'll make sure you're right at the time when you're the Pharaoh's right-hand man." She brought herself up short, then looked at Yami. "Hey! You _were_ the Pharaoh, weren't you?" Swiftly cutting the spirit off, she continued. "Alright, buckaroo, let's get this cattle drive a'movin'! Hang on, it's going to be a real fast trip." She slapped her hands on his shoulders, as the chains and key began to glow with a drug-induced happy, golden light.

"Wait, wait!" Joey cried. "What about -" His words were suddenly ripped out of his mouth as everything around him blurred. Wind rushed about him as various blasts of light exploded in every direction.

"This is the creation of that Razatul guy's realm." Tartra cheerily explained, clearly unaffected by the speed they were whipping by at. Quite soon, all was black around them. "Yeah, and _this_ is before it was conceived. Hope you don't mind the tempo. I have to speed things up a little bit so we don't spend all of eternity trying to get to the -3000's."

"Can you do that?" Joey gasped out, struggling to suck in some of the air blazing past.

"I told you, I'm a master of the magics of time. Trust me!"

Somehow, those words made Joey trust her even less.

"Alright, home-dog! We're going to blast through to another realm. Hold on tight!" Tartra shrieked with glee.

A burst of light, wind and energy slapped into Joey all at once, nearly knocking him off his feet if it weren't for Tartra holding him in place. Then, just as fast as it had started, it stopped.

"We're here!" Tartra sang out, letting go of Joey who then promptly collapsed onto the ground. She looked down at the blond heap. "Right, sorry about the ride. It's always a bit overwhelming to newcomers. You don't know how many people didn't survive that trip!"

"That's nice to know." Joey wheezed.

Tartra looked around her. "You know... I think we're a bit early... Looks like you'll have to work your way up to your destined position after all. That sucks. Well, whatever. You'll do it. As for right now... clothes!" She waved her hands again, and in a way that Joey would prefer to forget, he was wrapped up in beige coloured...

"_What the heck's this_?" Joey yelled. "I thought you said I was the Pharaoh's right-hand man! Why do these clothes suck so much?"

"I did say that, I know." Tartra nodded. "But I also said, 'looks like you'll have to work your way up to your destined position after all.' You started from humble beginnings, kid. What can I say?"

"_This_ humble?" Joey muttered, getting up shakily.

Tartra handed him the golden chain, snatching back her precious key. As Joey mournfully surveyed his clothes, Tartra was busy summoning a blue stone to existence. Handing it to him, she said, "I'm going back into the future. This'll be like a walkie-talkie. Give it a squeeze and talk as you please." She stopped to giggle. "Anyway, good luck!"

"Wait!" Joey said hastily. "Where am I supposed to go?"

"Oh. Right." Tartra said. "Yeah, you're not supposed to be in Egypt just yet. Don't worry. I'll get you to where you need to go."

"You keep saying that," Joey said. "And so far you've always been a little off -"

His world went black as Tartra delivered him a hefty crack to the head.

"_When you wake up,_" her voice said to him, "_you'll be where you need to be and in the proper setting. Don't worry about trying to get to Egypt; your brothers will get you there for you. Good luck, kiddo! Find me that key! ... And here's some hair for bangs. You look _hideous_ with that hacked off look. What were you thinking going for that haircut?_"

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** And that's it for Book One:D I'd really like to think that over the course of this story that my writing has dramatically improved. If you agree, REVIEW! If you don't, REVIEW! If you really couldn't care less, tell me in a REVIEW! Just so long as you review, I'm happy! Any and all reviews will be answered in the **first chapter**of the next book. Anyway, thank-you all for sticking with me, and I'll be getting out Book Two shortly. Hope you keep reading! Haha, let's see if you can guess what Joey is in his past life. It's pretty specific! I've gotta go back now and start editing my chapters, and then... Oh God... now I have to get to work on The Fantastic Freaks! ... Actually, I think I'll get back to that story right after I finish this little trilogy. I really don't want to have to work on _four_ stories at the same time...


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